As I got to know DrS I continued with my rope studies.
I kept in contact with Angel, who initially prompted me with a few videos to try on YouTube. As I mastered these I would trawl the site and find my next one. There is a wide array of learning to be done on there, and as I figured out whose teaching style matches my learning style and who made me want to throw my phone through the window things got a lot easier. I guess getting the rope in my fingers (how I describe the muscle memory my fingers seem to have picked up regarding rope) and finding out I could slow down the videos to half speed helped too.
There is a group on Fetlife called Self Tie Tuesday.
I had “met” Angel by following a trail left by Trautaruan, these led to her pictures of self ties, shared for this group and it’s weekly challenges. She encouraged me to take part, and after my initial hesitation I started to look at the prompts and the posts that followed. I realised that it wasn’t all rope-gods that took part. The page was a positive place filled with everyone from complete newcomers to seasoned professionals, all coming together to share their love of rope and self-rigging. As I started to share my very basic ties, my confidence grew and I started to work on more challenging patterns, hitches and ideas.
They didn’t all work, but I continued to grow.
Reading that sentence back makes me smile. My rope learning has been peppered with imperfections and yet I continue to develop as a rigger, repeating the mantra “you can only fail if you don’t try”. I hadn’t realised, until I saw it in type just this minute, that those words were Sirs, and he still needs to remind me of this when I feel
a little overwhelmed and my inner perfectionist picks up the reins again. Strange how, even at the time when he wasn’t in my world, he was still there in my head. Helping me grow.
What I really wanted though, was to make it to a rope event.
The rope munch at Studio Onyx ran on the wrong night for me, and the next closest was double the distance away and on a sunday afternoon which was just unworkable at the time. Even if it fell on the right weekend for me. A local DDlg couple who I knew through the quiz started up a rope munch and after a few months I was able to go along. I knew a lot of the attendees and threw rope at some willing bunnies. At this point I knew that I liked to be tied for control and I didn’t trust anyone enough to bind me, nor did I know if I wanted them to. What I had learnt through tying myself was that I thoroughly enjoyed the connection I felt with myself, and this translated directly into me tying others. Even that first time of being responsible for another in my ropes. Though I don’t believe it was the responsibility, I think it was the interaction that caused the connection. A physical connection where there was no expectation or need, no power exchanging or sexual chemistry.
I describe this type of bond as platonic intimacy.
It was at this first month that I first met Angel, and her rigger for the day, a friend, Loki, who has made regular appearances here even though I haven’t introduced him properly. He is so called because of his mischievous nature, which compliments and encourages my own. Anyway, I didn’t get to speak to either of them properly, because… rope, but the seeds had been sown and this is certainly not the end of my rope journey. With myself or others. The thing I have discovered about rope is that it can put me in an entirely different place.
- Learning gives me a challenge.
- Practising gives me the quiet.
- I can follow tutorials or get creative.
- I am comforted in my own rope.
- I have to focus when another is in my rope.
When any of this is going on I don’t have time to get in a pickle. I am so happy that I found rope, and the headspace it provided at this point in time. Self tying in particular is part of my toolkit for emotional health. Things could have turned out very differently had I not followed those crumbs on Fetlife.
I’m so very glad that I did.
Have a look at what others are up to for Reminiscences: Musings through memoirs.