Finding my rope space header image shows my legs bound in pink and green making triangles.

Finding my rope space

Finding my rope space header image shows my legs bound in pink and green making triangles.
Originally shared for Self Tie Tuesday in 2017

As I got to know DrS I continued with my rope studies. Maintining momentum in finding my rope space. I kept in contact with Angel, who initially prompted me with a few videos to try on YouTube. As I mastered these I would trawl the site and find my next one. There is a wide array of learning to be done on there. As I figured out whose teaching style matched my learning style and who lit the touch paper of frustration things got a lot easier. I guess getting the rope in my fingers (how I describe the muscle memory my fingers seem to have picked up regarding rope) and finding out I could slow down the videos to half speed helped too.

There is a group on Fetlife called Self Tie Tuesday.

I had “met” Angel by following a trail left by Trautaruan, these led to her pictures of self ties, shared for this group and it’s weekly challenges. She encouraged me to take part, and after my initial hesitation I started to look at the prompts and the posts that followed. I realised that it wasn’t all rope-gods that took part. The page was a positive place filled with everyone from complete newcomers to seasoned professionals, all coming together to share their love of rope and self-rigging. As I started to share my very basic ties, my confidence grew and I started to work on more challenging patterns, hitches and ideas.

They didn’t all work, but I continued to grow.

Reading that sentence back makes me smile. My rope learning has been peppered with imperfections and yet I continue to develop as a rigger, repeating the mantra “you can only fail if you don’t try”. I hadn’t realised, until I saw it in type just this minute, that those words were Sirs, and he still needs to remind me of this when I feel a little overwhelmed and my inner perfectionist picks up the reins again. Strange how, even at the time when he wasn’t in my world, he was still there in my head. Helping me grow.

What I really wanted though, was to start finding other rope spaces.

This would mean attending an event or two. The rope munch at Studio Onyx ran on the wrong night for me, and the next closest was double the distance away and on a sunday afternoon which was just unworkable at the time. Even if it fell on the right weekend for me. A couple I’d met through the quiz started up a rope munch and after a few months I could attend. I knew a lot of the attendees and threw rope at some willing bunnies.

At this point I knew I liked being tied for control and I didn’t trust anyone enough to bind me. Nor did I know if I wanted them to. What I’d learnt through tying myself was that I enjoyed the connection I felt with myself. An idea that translated directly into me tying others. Even that first time of being responsible for another in my ropes. Though I don’t believe it was the responsibility, I think it was the interaction that caused the connection. A physical connection where there was no expectation or need, no power exchanging or sexual chemistry.

I describe this type of bond as platonic intimacy.

It was at this first month that I first met Angel, and her rigger for the day, a friend, Loki, who has made regular appearances here even though I haven’t introduced him properly. So called because of his mischievous nature; a temperament which compliments and encourages my own. Anyway, I didn’t get to speak to either of them properly, because… rope! But the seeds had been sown and this is certainly not the end of my rope journey. With myself or others. The thing I have discovered about rope is that it can put me in an entirely different place.

  • Learning gives me a challenge.
  • Practising gives me the quiet.
  • I can follow tutorials or get creative.
  • There is huge comfort to be found in my rope space.
  • I have to focus when another is in my rope.

When any of this is going on I don’t have time to get in a pickle. I am so happy that I found rope, and the headspace it provided at this point in time. Self tying in particular is part of my toolkit for emotional health. Things could have turned out very differently had I not followed those crumbs on Fetlife.

I’m so very glad that finding my very own rope space happened.

Have a look at what others are up to for Reminiscences: Musings through memoirs.


Finding my rope space was shared for the category Reminiscences through Memoirs. If you’d like to learn more about my journey into rope perhaps try out this post too: Rope Slut Reflections


  1. I think “platonic intimacy” is a great descriptor — we sometimes form deep and meaningful connections with people through shared experiences, even if we don’t realize the depth or meaning of that connection until later.

    1. The more I enjoy this kind of play the more aware I become of others misunderstanding it. Even long term kinksters. I am trying to organise my thoughts on it so I can write them into a post. Those connections are so important for me, and I wouldn’t be without them.

    1. I am indeed, I have been enjoying her prompts and sharing. Any excuse to get the ropes out and take photos of myself really.

  2. That looks so pretty. I like the combination of green and purple and looking at it, I would have no idea where to start if I wanted to tie that lol.

    It’s nice to read how by tying yourself, you felt a connection with yourself. I hadn’t really considered that in regards to myself before. And I like how for you that translated in tying others. Platonic intimacy is such a wonderful thing.

    1. This was just something I created. I couldnt tell you how now though 😅

      There is so much growth to be found through sharing kinks. With friends, with lovers and with ourselves. I’m glad you enjoyed reading about it.

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