There were so many new things that I wanted to try.
As my new friendships grew so did my confidence to do just that. With Sir my explorations had always been intrinsically linked to sex and control. As I visited more events I learnt that I could enjoy myself just as much, but in a different way, without either of those things. There would always be a hole when he stepped away, but I wasn’t helpless or hopeless. I was finding alternate ways to spread my wings.
Between the club visits there was a conversation starting.
At the events I had been enjoying the canes, whips and straps of friends, but I couldn’t understand how I would be able to enjoy rope. From the first time I met Sir I was intoxicated by the way he bound me, the feel of the rope and his hands grazing my flesh, the tickle of breath on my skin… As he would later explain he ties for control, and I hadn’t found the same
release feeling elsewhere. But everywhere I looked there were pictures of rope, and they were stunning. Some of the most incredible images belonged to a local rigger, Angel666. Chatting with Trautaruan he pointed out that the majority of her photos were self tied, and suggested that I head along to the rope munch at Studio Onyx. It was held regularly and he would be there with his partner, plus my new rope-hero generally went along. I couldn’t make it due to lack of childcare, but I did message Angel666 after liking a whole host of her photos. I wanted to make sure she didn’t think I was some crazy internet stalker! She was wonderful and gave me some hints and tips for getting started safely. Suggestions for what rope to use as a beginner and tales of how she got started herself.
To me she was an expert, but the kind of expert that showed me she was the eternal student.
I knew I could trust her experiences. My amazon treasures arrived over the days that followed. At ESKN I spoke to JD about my new kit, and sadness that I couldn’t atted the munch the following week. It turned out that he had been hoping to go as well, but work was taking him in the wrong direction. He would, however, be arriving home in time to tie with me virtually. (My life hasn’t changed so much with these lockdown restrictions after all!) So the date was set, and the following week when my children were in bed, my phoned binged. I had the rope and shears laid out, the tutorial loaded up, and everything was ready. Well, everything but me. Strange how doing something alone, in the safety of my home, felt so much more scary than visiting a club… where I would be alone in a crowd of people.
I suppose I had nowhere to hide if I got everything badly wrong.
As it turned out, with messages back and forth, and each sending a photo of our end products, nothing went badly wrong. It felt incredible to have the rope in my hands, it felt natural to bind myself, and pull the fibres. It may sound corny but there was a feeling about coming home. Feeling the caress of rope once more, placed with care and attention, was enough to take me back to the hotel room on that first night with Sir, and set me off on a tangent. That one tie showed me that where he tied for delicious control I would tie for connection.