Your best teacher is your last mistake

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Life seems to be a series of lessons. For me, at least. And I’ve discovered that, without doubt, your best teacher is your last mistake.

Not long after meeting DinoDom the suggestions started. There was a man (DrS) who attended the quiz munch, he was well known locally and a number of people thought he and I would make a good match. He was sadistic and geeky, quiet and nice. It was suggested that I should go out for a drink with him. I didn’t have much else on at the time so thought I may as well ask him out.

So in a rare brave moment I did, and he said yes.

We got on well, and I thought it would be worth meeting up again as what he offered matched what I wanted. We had a number of successful spanking sessions before the next big local fetish event. I was to meet him there and we would have a nice evening together. It was the first event I had attended “with” someone, and it was a strange experience. We explored the facilities together, spaces that we both knew well separately but not together. For the first time at a club night I was aware of the sausage train, a phenomenon I had heard of but never witnessed. More common at swingers’ clubs, where the single men trail around after a couple, hoping to get in on the action they gently wax their semi erect shaft.

There was nothing to see, but we were the only “couple” there at that point.

More people arrived that we knew, and after a cup of tea and watching a few scenes it was our turn. The play was really exciting. I was naked. Draped over a spanking horse in the damp and grimy basement. The cold, rough concrete beneath my feet was perfect, and kept me in the moment. To reach the basement you had to pass through the jacuzzi room. By the time we played the hot tub was jam packed with jolly kinksters, laughter and joking bubbling through the open doorway into my ears. I remember one whack with his paddle, it caught my flesh just right and the sound cut through the frivolities. Nude, and with an audience, my bottom was getting redder by the moment. I was one spaced girl when he stopped and covered me in the blanket he had brought.

And that is when the wheels started to fall off.

He had asked me to teach him what I needed as far as aftercare went. Blanket, peace and quiet, a fizzy drink, and something savoury and crunchy like a salad sandwich. I was happy to take my own but he insisted, which was a nice gesture. Wrapped in the blanket he sat me down next to him while he packed up his equipment. The next stage was a little trickier. Bag on one arm, me on the other he walked me gently back around the bubbling water, up the stairs, past the sofas in the vibrant social area and to the safety of our room then he turned me back round, and sat me on an empty seat on the sofa. In the middle of the busy room. And he left me there.

A drooling, glass-eyed and blanketed masochist.

His absence felt like a lifetime. He returned with a bag of minstrels, and told me to eat them before disappearing again. I spied him a few times, across the room, chatting with a different groups. The bag of minstrels sat untouched in my lap as people I didn’t know came up and tried to converse with me, I recall the excitement of one man who had watched the scene but I don’t know what he said. I just sat and blinked at him. Others came and went, and SL sat next to me. His night was going really badly and he started talking to me, offloading. I can see why, I was in the middle of a social area, alone. Why wouldn’t I want someone to chat to? But…I was so deep in sub-space…

All I wanted was quiet and a Ham salad sandwich!

I managed to interrupt SL and make it known that I needed a drink, no idea how, I guess I would need to ask him that? But he understood, and went. He must have twigged I wasn’t quite right flying solo at that point. Bringing me a cup of sweet tea and a packet of crisps before heading off to find DrS who then came and sat next to me, eating the minstrels while I landed.

Once I came back to myself we went to the hot tub and relaxed, chatted and laughed with friends. I liked the way that he marked my flesh, but not the way that I had to come back down to earth. As soon a I was capable I explained what had gone wrong. Having shared my needs prior to the night out and with him in agreement I had trusted him. And he’d let me down in a massive way.

That night was a massive deal for me!

Fortunately I didn’t get sub drop over the days that followed crashing out of sub-space. And I was able to talk. To communicate and get him to hear what had gone so wrong for me. Clearly I’d allowed myself to be misunderstood in some way. Taken for granted that the man I trusted to mark me understood what I needed.

It’s true what they say. Your best teacher really is your last mistake! I learnt from my experience and wouldn’t do the same thing again. This was a far cry from the woman that I had been just a few years previously. I was definitely still growing into myself but I wasn’t standing still.

Check out the other posts at Mrs Fever’s Reminiscences: Musings in Memoirs and Every Damn day in June

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  1. Wow… Yes, that’s definitely something to learn from. (And I sincerely hope HE learned from it, and didn’t repeat such colossal asshole-ish-ness.)

    You’re definitely justified in feeling let down. Do you really think it was a matter of unclear communication? Or was something else at play?

    1. I don’t think I was absolute enough, it was my first event that didn’t involve pick up play with friends so I think I spaced more than I would have otherwise. I learnt to be firmer in my communication and have shared that since, with other more clued up playmates. Head in the clouds springs to mind!

      Either way, I take responsibility for not ensuring it was right before our scene. I’d never left my aftercare to someone else before.

    1. I did give him a verbal shake when I was compos mentis again!
      And no harm came to me so it was OK really. Just a shame a good night was tainted by aftercare gone wrong. I’ve had many great experiences since, better for learning to impress upon my scene partner what I need and take personal responsibility for it.

  2. I can totally understand why you felt he let you down, leaving you alone like that. I hope he learned as much from it as you did, even though you had a good session, and you didn’t drop afterwards. Also, the “sausage train” – I have never heard of this before, but could instantly visualize it by your description 🙂
    ~ Marie

    1. I think, as a submissive, its important to take responsibility for my own welfare, I guess I was naive in this case to not have a back up plan if he got it wrong. We didn’t play at a fetish club again though. N xx

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