No need for slut shaming

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When I started to explore kink, as a teen, I didn’t have a label.

I was just a young woman exploring her sexuality, but the label that seemed to fit best was slut. To my young mind as a prolific fucker of men I clearly fit this term. I didn’t want a relationship, I just wanted sex. And by hopping beds it was easier to stop them getting attached. There was a certain amount of shame that came from this self-given title, and over the course of my marriage this term was used to shame me at any given opportunity. I would have done anything to not be called slut ever again, it was a stick he used to beat me with.

Towards the end of our marriage I had a lightbulb moment, and realised that there was more to life than darkness, misery and hiding myself away out of fear of not being enough. Research gave me an insight into the label that I felt was the best fit: SUBMISSIVE.

Then I met Sir and the rest is history.

Well, no, not really. Life is never that clear cut, is it?

Over the last six years I have discovered there are many labels that I could wear quite comfortably, but many of them are so limiting that I find it frustrating. I am a queer, masochistic exhibitionist submissive with a predilection for rope. The problem with all of these labels is they often come with stereotypes, and I don’t feel that I fit with any of those. And the list is ever evolving as well, the label that is pressed to my chest today, that helps pigeon hole me so others understand me better will as quickly be irrelevant. So the label that fits best, and that I will always wear with pride is: ME.

And that is absolutely the end of the story.

Or is it?

No, of course it isn’t! I missed a label out, didn’t I?

Slut.

More importantly I am Sir’s slut.

In the same way that I am submissive but only to Him, I am a slut, but only His slut.

I love the way that being owned and valued has given me the ability to reclaim this title. The men who have called me “slut” have been poor excuses for human beings. They have tried to make me feel shame for something that nobody should feel shame for. I may well be promiscuous, but I am a decent, kind and thoughtful creature.

This Man has never once called me a slut. It has been inferred, in the most wonderful ways, and from very early on He has asked me to call myself His slut, as a result she has become tightly entwined with Him. Sir’s slut. Noone elses.

No longer am I confused about what the title Slut means, like I was in my youth. I also feel no shame for being a slut, His slut!

Slut is a label I delight in these days.

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No need for slut shaming was first published on A Leap of Faith

8 comments

  1. I don’t think I have ever called anyone a “slut”. I would only do so if it was requested of me. I have no desire to disparage others. And I don’t think I’ve met many (any?) who like the term—except for you!

    1. I love the way that i have been gifted the opportunity to reclaim the term. As I said, he has never called me slut (though it has been inferred, he has always used other words), but others have. Having my safe bubble to relax into the label of slut has given me the strength to recognise when others use it in anger.

  2. I loved the strength in this post. You are such an inspiration the way that you take events and turn them around. Owning a label is so important but being comfortable in your own skin is really something.

    1. I like to think that something good comes out of any situation, even if it is a lesson in how to recognise the bad in future. It is lovely to read that this is an inspiration for you. 😍

  3. Like you, I delight in the label ‘slut’ but only when my husband calls me his slut. If anyone else would do it, it would be a whole different situation…
    ~ Marie

    1. It is hard hearing people who say they love you call you slut with only cruel intentions. And last time it was an immediate shut down on my part. So I’m learning! N xx

  4. It’s so nice to read how the label ended up being filled with shame is now something you’ve proud of with the added word of His. It made me smile reading this, and the label of ME is probably the most accurate label we can all take on

    1. My thoughts are that whatever label we choose to wear needs to be worn with pride. ME is my permanent state. It’s exhausting trying to be someone else’s idea of me.

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