Underestimate me at your own risk.

Don't underestimate me
Image found on Pinterest, shared by Lizardianaamalia

I love it when people underestimate me. Particularly men who tell me they are Doms.

This week saw a bizarre conversation, which felt very much like a game of cat and mouse. It is no secret I am on Fabswingers, but what may surprise you the most is why. When I first signed up it was to help with tasks. Over the years I have found the site incredibly useful for a variety of things. Some I’ve already shared on here and others are still to come. When sir has been out of the picture my account has often lain dormant. Occasionally I’ll open it up and have a look to see what is about. I mean, a girl has got to eat. Invariably there are slim pickings and so, rather than deal with the deluge of “wuu2?” and “Hi, want fun” I hide my world away again. Recently a good friend has been asking me to keep a bit of an eye out for her on there. And as my page has been available I have had lots (and lots and lots and lots) of messages. I’m rather daft, I feel duty bound to say thanks but no thanks to everyone. I will usually have a brief exchange before I tell them I will block them so I don’t distract them anymore. I like to treat people in the way that I would like to be treated myself.

Occasionally someone keeps pushing, and they truly underestimate what I am like…

Just this week I had a message from a 30 year old (too young) gym bunny (pretty boy) from london (too far away) who told me he is a Dom. (Really???) He had the usual rebuff, and continued to talk. I made all of the points around not wanting a young, pretty thing. Especially as he lives so far away. He latched onto this last point, stating that he was moving to my town the next day, and he has his own place with a Red Room. At this point I was hooked. He had put his stupid into my inbox and wanted to play with me… Perhaps I could play with him after all. His next message suggested whatsapp would be easier, sending his number. I quickly responded on the app, happy to seem desperate. I wanted to know what this silly boy wanted with me. Turned out, pretty quickly that he wanted videos. He went to great lengths to tell me he likes to make videos and he had some, if I wasn’t going to be shocked. Explaining that it takes a lot to shock me, that I have my own videos which I don’t share because I choose not to, but that if he felt the need to send some my way then I wouldn’t be offended. He did. 3 mediocre 20-40 second videos. Oddly, each one seemed to have a different cock in it… He told me to rate them. 4, with the camera work being so rubbish, but that the woman in the face fucking video seemed to have some skills. “Bring it” is the recorded voice message that pinged onto my whatsapp. “Bring what exactly?” And then I reminded him I don’t share my videos.

He’s obviously not too disappointed as next thing I know my phone is ringing…

We had a little chat, I’m looking at the lock thinking about the blog post I am trying to write… We had a pleasant conversation. He didn’t stop talking, I made occasional non-commital noises to fit in with what he was saying. Next he’s telling me he’s naked except for his black calvin kleins. He wanted to know what I would do if I was stood there in front of him. In just his black Calvin Klein boxers. I said I’d probably pop the kettle on. “no” pressing for more “what would you say?” He sounded a little disappointed at my response of asking if he’d prefer tea or coffee.

However, he was undeterred.

“I promised I wouldn’t play tonight, but here we are flirting…”

“Are we?” I asked, not knowing how he could have mistaken my occasional comments and lack of enthusiasm for flirting… Suggesting if he doesn’t want to play he shouldn’t, that it won’t bother me.

“…Yes, and I’ve got a right bell end” He sends me a picture. Turns out his Calvin Kleins were white. Again, he asks what I think. I think the fabric looks soft, but apparently that wasn’t what he meant. Next thing I know I hear a familiar gentle stroking sound, who is going to win? I wonder if he is going to beat off before I call him on his behaviour. But it is at this point he starts to tell me all about his fantasy, and the game changes…

I’ve got you on all fours, and I’m fucking you doggy style with your ankles tied together. I grab your hair so you have to look at us in the mirror and then I slap your feet.

“What? How does that even work?” I ask. I can hear his enthusiasm through the phone, but I am so confused at the physics of what he is beating off to that I have to find out what the actual fuck he is talking about. “So, you’ve got this woman in doggy style with her…”

“You, I’ve got you.”

“Right. So, hypothetically let’s say, you’ve got me in doggy style. And you’re fucking me from behind as you pull my head up and back by my hair I can see us in the mirror. How are you going to get to my feet?”

Apparently he has long legs, and would be straddling  mine. And as he was fucking me and pulling my hair up I would lift my bound ankles to his backside and he’d reach behind to slap them.

So. Many. Questions….

  • How would I be able to balance in that position?
  • How would he ensure my airway was safe for breathing if he was concentrating behind him on my feet?
  • How would he be able to administer quality blows to my soles?
  • How would he keep a rhythm up that satisfied him? (Even if my pleasure wasn’t his concern?
  • Would I have something to kneel on?

In fairness to him he did answer them. but the fapping became less vigorous with each response. Apparently he wears a tie and belt to work and his belts are all made of leather.

  • But how will you get the angle right for using a belt on my feet if you can’t even see them?

In an effort to stop me badgering him with the complexities of his proposed fantasy he lowered his voice and said:

“Sir demands that you keep eye contact with him at all times in the mirror”

At this sentence I disintegrated into fits of hysterical laughter, replying after a snort “There is only one man I have ever called Sir, and you are not Him!” The fapping had ceased altogether by this point, and I breathed in a deep breath of victory! Then I bid him a good night and hung up. A couple of minutes later he messaged hat it was a shame I hadn’t sent him a video as it would have tipped him over the edge. Given that the only person that it was a shame for was him I decided to block him.

The mouse caught a cat when he went fishing!

I’m not sharing this story because I am laughing at him. Part of me is really ashamed at my behaviour towards him. I know full well that I played a game of cat and mouse with him, and perhaps that was unfair. But there is another part of me which gets frustrated with people like him, exerting their perceived authority over the unsuspecting new submissives who are swayed by a pretty face and an overworked fantasy. I also know a number of subs who would have happily shared videos with him, and potentially he would have passed those around to others. More women still (and men actually) who take it personally when they get played with like he was trying with me. I’m quite thick skinned, and I have had a laugh at his expense. But I wanted to share to show that this does happen, that life is full of all sorts of characters and that we should just try and be aware of the twerps among us who are not what they seem.

My behaviour wasn’t big and it wasn’t clever, but if you underestimate me the end result may well be a funny story.

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Underestimate me at your own risk was first published on A Leap of Faith.

Oversharing for TMI Tuesday

1. Would you rather get a spanking in front of your family or do a striptease at your workplace?

Oh no, the impossible question! I did get my boobs out at work once, and I fucked myself in my office along with completing stretching tasks at one of the projects I facilitated. Just naming a few of my misdemeanours. But these all happened when I was on my own. The risk of getting caught was real, but I could take big precautions to ensure I wouldn’t. Having a spanking in front of my family is something I could never do. My family is my children, mum, brother and nieces. My brother is the only one who wouldn’t be surprised, having walked in on me seducing his mate when I was a horny teenager visiting him on my post A-level break. He hid his embarrassment well at seeing his little sister swallowing his mates cock, and the only comment that followed was him asking how long I’d had my nipple pierced.

Anyway, I digress… A strip tease at work, that’s my humiliation of choice… Maybe not as impossible as I first thought.

2. You are a sexy _____ .

cock wielding, long armed deviant with an ability to melt me with your kisses. (Cock, kisses and hugs, you can see my wish list currently)

3. Hey baby tonight _____ me.

…Indulge… Let’s see, tonight I want to curl up in warm, strong arms. Safe against the world. Not because I’m feeling fragile but because I want to be wrapped up in someone. And last night? Well, last night I just needed to be left alone. To satisfy my own carnal cravings, porn in one hand and Doxy in the other, wave after wave of orgasm ripping through me in private release. Tomorrow that may change, I may become indecently aroused and want my face crushed into the floor while you hold my hands behind my back and slowly graze my lips and asshole with your hot tongue, ready to pound your thick cock deep into my heat.

So tonight, just indulge me.

4. Would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button on your life?

Pause! I was raised with a saying “You can’t live your life backwards” and as a result have always tried to be the best I can be. Sure, things haven’t always been perfect but I like the way things are now. There are definitely moments I would love to pause,  to eke out a little longer. Proud-mummy-moments, happy-slut-experiences and goal-achieved-and-level-up-times. But I don’t want to go back and relive. I have so much more to get back to.

5. Would you rather have noisy sex neighbors or nosy neighbors?

Nosy neighbours. I find noisy sex to be distracting, and am not overly loud. Well, sometimes I can be, but it’s a gutteral roar during a powerful post-edging orgasm rather than noisy during the whole experience. I like the idea of nosy neighbours though. What would they see? What would they say? Would they ask to join me? Or would the shame they feel at their own voyeurism lead them to stay home and take themselves in hand? I have a few rather lovely neighbours, now I’m thinking…

Bonus: Would you rather mentally or physically never age? Why?

Mentally I’m at a good age now, physically I’m coming into what I feel is my prime. The thought of dementure scares me. I have seen people become empty shells, and others regress. As I said above I don’t want to hit rewind. Also, the forgetfulness and mental decline are things that can’t currently be fought. I know that research opens up new options all of the time but I don’t fancy my chances much. Physical ageing can be delayed through exercise and diet, and I’m always up for a challenge. I know the risk factors from my immediate family, and am taking steps to ensure that I am battle ready if it turns out I have those markers. Osteoporosis, for example, can be delayed by quitting smoking (3.5 years clear), a calcium rich diet (I love all calcium rich foods) and high impact exercise (long distance running) which lays down extra calcium in the bones strengthening them for future punishment. Yes, the physical ageing is one I’m better equipped to deal with.

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TMI Tuesday blog

Inquiring minds

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1. Did leave your last love for some one else or no one else?

I haven’t ever left a lover for someone else. Unless you count me leaving P for myself and my children… If I have ended a love affair it has been for a reason between myself and the other person involved, either incompatibility or apathy. (Or both)

2. Do you enjoy being alone? Yes or No

I love time alone. I will often feel lonely in a crowd, but on my own I can revel in the peace.

3. Which of these reasons is most likely to spark your motivation for solitude:
a. It sparks my creativity
b. I enjoy the quiet
c. Being alone helps me get in touch with my spirituality
d. I value the privacy
e. I do not feel liked when I am around others
f. I cannot be my true self when I am around others

This one is hard. I do enjoy the quiet, and I value the privacy. Sometimes it sparks my creativity, and I am definitely more able to be in touch with my inner self. But really I think the main reason is that I need to recharge. I love being around people, watching, listening and learning. But… I can find excessive people-time to be a drain on my energy. I’m not sure if this is a stage on my self discovery or just who I am, but time alone is definitely my way re-energising myself.

4. Have you ever tried to win back an ex-significant other?
– Yes or No
– Were you successful?
– If yes, did you regret it?
– How long did the reconciliation last?

Oh goodness, yes! M and I were on and off for 14 months, at least two of those reconciliations were instigated by me. I don’t regret any of the time I spent with M. Some of it was painful at the time, some is hard and ugly to look back on. But M is no longer an ex. He is part of my family. And I don’t know if we would be here without the journey that we travelled together. We tried, we failed. Our coming together was part of something more important than a passionate love affair.

5. Do you mind if your significant gives or receives harmless flirtation?

I flirt with anyone so I would be a little hypocritical if I was to mind! Harmless flirtation is important to me, but not as important as knowing I am loved by the other. While discussing dating I discovered that an unwritten rule of the first date is to show yourself off as attractive to others. This is done by flirting! Who knew?!

Bonus: If you really knew me, you’d know _____.

that there is ALWAYS a silver lining. Even when you have to look really, really hard!!

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Inquiring minds was first published on A Leap of Faith

 

On The Road To Eroticon- Meet and Greet

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I’m winding my way down the road to eroticon.

I’ve been looking forward to attending Eroticon since I saw the posts surrounding last years event. I knew then that I wanted to be there this year, and would find a way to make that happen. My gran died in June, and I was given a little bit of money. Early bird tickets were released almost straight away, and I knew that I had to sign myself up. The closer it gets the more nervous I become. Seeing the “Meet and Greet” posts have built

NAME (and Twitter if you have one)

I’m N, barefoot and @thebarefootsub
Tell us 3 things you are most looking forward to at Eroticon 2019

  1. There are so many people I have met online, it is exciting (and a little bit nerve racking) to meet you in person.
  2. I’m looking forward to discovering more about blogging, learning new skills and gaining in confidence in my abilities.
  3. Eroticon is a huge leap of faith for me. Meeting new people en mass is always scary, and a weekend of full on learning is going to be a big challenge. It would be easier to stay at home and relax with my children, more comfortable. But I was never one for sitting in my comfort zone, and I’m looking forward to stretching myself in a new way.

We are creating a play list of songs for the Friday Night Meet and Greet. Nominate one song that you would like us to add to the play list and tell us why you picked that song.

I love to dance to this song with my children, even on the most stressful day we will end up relaxed and laughing. I’m sure more than a few of us could use a bit of musical courage. Add in that as sex bloggers we rely on social media to spread the love this song seems like a great tribute.

What is your favorite item or book you’ve purchased so far this year?

This year has only been short. In the last year I could tell you exactly, but I’m a stickler for details and…. The favourite item I have purchased this year is a 9″ girthy suction cup vibrator. It isn’t so much about the toy, more about the shopping trip itself. My wonderful friend B had a very important request for me, but I think that is probably a blog post in itself.

You can have an unlimited supply of one thing for the rest of your life, what is it? Sushi? Scotch Tape?

An odd answer for the barefoot sub… Footwear!

I don’t just mean sexy heels (that I can’t walk in.) I mean bamboos socks, snuggly slippers, supportive walking boots and flip flops. I love having a nice pair of knee high boots for moseying around in the autumn, and fluffy socks for evenings in. But I mostly will need running shoes and socks, and they are more pricey than thigh high patent leather lace up boots with scarlet soles…

What is your favourite quote from a movie?

My favourite movie is Burn After Reading. A bizarrely funny Coen brothers film which I have watched numerous times. Silly and dark, and the quote I have chosen just about sums it up.

Report back to me when, uh…I don’t know. When it makes sense.

What is your word suggestion to next years Eroticon anthology?

Explore

Complete the sentence:
I feel…

Going for a bare foot puddle stomp in the rain. That should stop the nerves building too much!

Eroticon 2019 Attending

 

On the road to eroticon- meet and greet was first published on A Leap of Faith.

Hearts and flowers for TMI Tuesday

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Photo Credit: Dark Lion Photography

1. What are your romantic needs?

My romantic needs are minimal in all honesty. For the most part I get what could be seen as traditional romance from my friends. I miss having someone to cook with, but I have wonderful friends who will happily come round for dinner. Having someone to confide in, to share my joys and sadness, my friends are wonderful for filling that void (if you can call it that?) It could be made a little better if I had naked hugs in bed, and those confidences were in the form of pillow talk, chest hair tickling my nose while wrapped in strong arms. Companionable silences while each enjoying our own reading is something I miss. Conventional romance…. Flowers, if I want some I buy my own. Lingerie, again I buy my own. Chocolates, yes, you guessed it, I buy my own. (Actually, I buy myself nice cheeses instead of chocolates but you get my point)

2. What are your sexual needs?

Sexually I wax and wane with regards to my needs. I’m very skilled at managing my own physical requirements for orgasm, however what I am unable to replicate is the scent and touch of a man. I have friends who would happily be the man to stave off those cravings but I would rather wait until the dynamic is right for me too. My sexuality is mainly submissive, and with a man who can get inside my head the slut comes out to play, if that is what he also likes.

3. Do you agree that marriage was a pragmatic institution and in today’s society traditional marriage is not a need but merely a want?

For some people marriage is very much a need, a place of emotional security and a celebration of love between two families. The married couples tax allowance is also available for couples in a civil partnership, and with a maximum of £238 per year available you would be waiting a long time to recoup your wedding costs via this scheme. Apologies for my cynicism…. Having just celebrated my first Divorce-versary you may be surprised to learn that I would consider marriage in the future, but it would be choice rather than necessity which would lead me to that outcome.

4. Do you find conflict in your romantic relationships exciting?

The definition of conflict is “a serious disagreement or argument”. I do not find this kind of relationship exciting, whether romantic or platonic. That isn’t to say I want to be in constant agreement with those around me, I like healthy debate and differing opinions. This leads to interesting and challenging conversations and often I learn something.

5. During sex are you focused on positions or the quality and connection with your lover?

Quality and connection! I’ve had lovers want to go through a whole list of positions, turning it into some form of prescribed porno. Often the best moves are the least attractive. Saying that there are certain positions that I love to be in, that really get me going. And there are some that flick the off switch. Having the connection means that the lines of communication are open, that those “off” spots can be discussed in advance and avoided, or, if the passion is burning high then those scenarios are short circuited. Either outcome is a win for me.

Bonus: Men, what do you have a hard time talking to your lover(s) about?

Ok, so I’m not a man but I’m going to break the rules a little… Getting my lovers to open up about their feelings is something I struggle with. Something I have learnt over recent months is that there is strength in showing your emotional vulnerability. People who love us can’t support us if we keep it locked away. Personally I think that sharing emotions is a really intimate thing, more so than sex, and while I value a strong Dominant man I like it when they let me into their dark. Trust,strength and soft edges.

February Photofest

 

TMI Tuesday blog

Getting off is food for thought.

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Getting off in capable hands.

Do you remember your first orgasm? How old were you? Tell us about it.

My first orgasm happened while I sat on my brothers bedroom floor (he wasn’t there) I could tell you about it again, or I could send you back here to the beginning and show you the start of my depravity…

What is your favourite way to reach/be brought to a climax? 

So many wonderful ways to reach orgasm… Which one to choose?? To be bound in a predicament, stuffed full and stretched, blindfolded and tormented with vibrations and electricity. All while having to ask for permission from the wonderful man who is engulfing me in these sensations, each and every time I come up to the crest of orgasm is beautiful, and I would think that I would give my all for that kind of release. However… there is something even more beautiful than this. An orgasm through an intense impact scene is the rarest and most beautiful way for me to reach climax. Not being brought to orgasm through other stimulation while being beaten, no. That moment when my brain can no longer process those sensations which are swimming over my skin; when the rhythm and my breathing are in sync and I am floating on a high of endorphins; when my brain can no longer keep up and the pleasure sweeps over me like a sunrise after the long cold night. Yes. That is my favourite way of getting off.

And it is such a rare treat. I can’t do it to myself, and there are very few people I would trust to take me there….

What is the easiest/fastest way for you to have an orgasm? How long does it normally take you?

The fastest way for me to reach orgasm is by adding in the power exchange. Playing alone I can ask thin air for permission, with no response that drives me wild. (If you fancy trying this I recommend a timer as the permission giver. Otherwise there is the distinct possibility of running out of time and being left frustrated and unfulfilled. Or perhaps that is part of the fun!) It usually takes around 17 minutes to achieve my first orgasm, and after that they come thick and fast.

How many times a week do you try to reach orgasm? Typically, how often do you manage to get off?

Ha!! I love this question. I try to make time for at least one play session a week with my primary play partner Doxy.. Sometimes I manage more alone time than others. When I do get some time to myself I tend to go a little nuts and find release 2, 3, 6, 12 times…. I often find myself at the school gate with flushed cheeks and a cheesy grin because I have cut the timings a little fine.

Have you ever had an orgasm at the same time as your partner? Who normally comes first?

It is very rare for me to orgasm through penetration and so the opportunity to orgasm at the same time as a partner is highly unlikely. However, there have been times when my partner at the time and myself have collapsed into a sweaty sticky mess, panting and wrapped u in each other. As to who normally comes first? That depends very much on the type of lover. Sir took great pride in his ability to make me orgasm, P wasn’t overly interested in my pleasure and M and I enjoyed each other either way around.

Have you ever faked an orgasm? What were the reasons/circumstances that led you to fake it?

A faked orgasm is something I have never understood. I know a lot of people are happy with it, but I couldn’t pretend to climax when I haven’t. For me sex doesn’t need to end in climax, and if it isn’t going to I would rather be open about that. Faking would feel like a lie and ruin the experience for me.

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February Photofest

 

Getting off is food for thought was first published on A Leap Of Faith.

Tricky TMI Tuesday: 7th August 2018

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Tricky questions for this weeks TMI Tuesday. I guess that is the point, and maybe the fun?

1. Is falling in love effortless?

I don’t honestly know if falling in love is effortless. For me love seems to be a series of ways to torture myself. Perhaps the falling in love is effortless, but I have yet to fall in love with someone who can love me back in the way that I deserve? Oooh, tricky….

2. Is your significant other most like your mom or your dad?

My significant other is currently my Doxy…  I don’t think either of my parents resemble a sex toy so this one is the least tricky question…

3. Which parent do you identify with most?

Yesterday, while out for lunch with a friend, I was very grumpy because I couldn’t hear the conversation over the music. I may have turned into my dad momentarily when I asked the staff to turn the music down… I remember him being a bit grumpy with the volume of music from the music my brother and I would play in our youth. And I inherited his dry sense of humour and love of food; particularly Liver and Onion, mashed potato, mushy peas and pork pies…

4. What one thing are you lacking that you believe will make your life run smoother?

Currently, focus. I have been struggling with maintaining my focus recently due to a change in routine, the school holidays and now my boys being away for a long spell. My mind has run riot and I have forgotten to take care of the basics which has left me chasing my tail, low on energy and struggling for focus.

5. Which is sexier: constantly pushing the boundaries or playing by the rules?

I am a pleaser, I love having rules and thrive under a nurturing yet demanding Dominant. The sexiest thing for me is being pushed to break through my boundaries. But breaking the rules…no, definitely not sexy for me. Or attractive in any way shape or form.

Bonus: Do you think confessions make a relationship stronger?

I think that openness and honesty makes a relationship stronger. If you are open and honest there is no need for confessions, surely? Unless the confessions are hopes and dreams, fantasies and desires… but again, that goes under the heading of openness and honesty for me.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

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Tricky TMI Tuesday: 7th August 2018 was first published on A Leap Of Faith

It’s fun doing new things: TMI Tuesday 31st July 2018

New shoesNew things are exciting and scary. July has been a mixed bag for me, but it definitely feels like a very positive month. This last TMI Tuesday of July has given me the chance to reflect.

Tell it to us straight or sexy…

1. One thing that you will never do again?

I will never clean a dirty rolling-pin again.

2. Who knows you the best?

I would say either B or Cornish Chick. They are two of the worlds most wonderful women and I am so pleased they found their way onto my life. My first two give-and-take friendships too, a learning curve for all of us I believe.

3. Do you think a relationship should be 50/50 all the time?

No relationship can be 50/50 all of the time. Whether that is friends, family, play partners and lovers, needs fluctuate. Overall I think there should be a balance of give and take, or it stops being healthy, but as I have learnt with the two lovely ladies I mentioned above (and many more wonderful people) you can ask for love and support as well as give it.

4. When was your most recent act of kindness? Was it appreciated?

On saturday I was in a race (my first ever trail event). The water station was absent for some reason and I had gone prepared with a bottle of drink…just in case. There was a lady who was struggling so I let her have some of my drink. She was very grateful.

5. Are you a good friend? Why or why not?

I hope I am a good friend. I certainly try. Though this is very much an ongoing lesson for me as most of my adult life I wasn’t allowed to have friendships of my own choosing and the ones that were permitted were P’s friends first and foremost, so I was mainly isolated.

6. What is something that you tried really hard to like but just couldn’t?

PRAWNS!!!! These are very much a hard limit. The taste, the texture, the smell, the way they wriggle around in the bowl, they way they look. Definitely enjoy watching them in the sea and in rockpools, but as soon as they are for human consumption… This was particularly difficult when I was a manager of counters in a supermarket. The fish counter was my favourite one to cover, but whenever I had to serve prawns I’m sure I would turn a delightful shade of GREEN.

Bonus: How was your month of July? Did you do anything fun, interesting, new?

July has been a great month for trying new things. Starting the month with a broken cane and a sad goodbye I haven’t played this month. I was very excited to be asked to take part in an interview by Posy Churchgate for her weekly “share our shizzle.” The children and end of term stuff has kept me busy, which is no surprise. I was able to start taking my boys climbing, but as I went to look round the climbing place and the owner asked if I would be joining them I heard Ps words slip out of my mouth “I’m not strong enough for climbing…”. Instantly I stopped myself and finished the sentence “…so I’ll give it a go!” This alone shows how far I have come in my confidence, and after almost 18 months of counselling I have decided to call it a day. My counsellor told me that my enthusiasm for life is infectious. And then I have completed my first trail event, and as I went along alone I had the pleasure of meeting a number of new people over a cup of tea afterwards. Of course coffee and cake were required after that…so I headed for the nearest town and found a new coffee shop. There have been so many new things this month, from shoes to toys, through to new events and experiences.

This is something I love about my new life.

I have the determination to experience new things, the confidence to get out on my own and some wonderful friends to tell all about it afterwards.

New coffee shop

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It’s fun doing new things: TMI Tuesday 31st July 2018 was originally posted on A leap of faith.

Our first and last love is self-love: TMI Tuesday 24th July 2018

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Self-love is a topic that pops up time and again.

TMI Tuesday is one of my go-to weekly memes for the topics that come up. This week is no exception and has raised some interesting questions and some even more surprising answers.

1. What do you need to learn but won’t admit to?

I like to think that if I was aware of something I needed to learn I would admit to it and get started. There are a number of things I am working on at the moment, and other things that I would like to learn but now is not the time.

2. If you could erase one event from your life, which one would you choose? Briefly describe the event, tell us why you would erase it.

I can honestly say that I wouldn’t change anything. Life hasn’t always been easy but over the last few years I have come to like myself as the awesome woman who I am. As a believer in the butterfly effect, I wouldn’t want to risk missing out on the me that I am today.

3. Who drains your energy, and why do you let it happen?

My children are amazing, and I adore them and their mischief. They have been known to sap my energy though, when they are being particularly challenging. I let this happen because they are ten and four, and they are still learning. Patience when they are awake and tears when they go to bed. The consequences for them on exhibiting this behaviour with the other half of their parenting team don’t bear thinking about.

4. Do you practice ‘self-love’ or ‘self-loathing’?

I have replaced the active self loathing with self acceptance. I think the self-love is an extension of that. If I don’t like something I change it. Unless you mean self-love of the sexual kind, in which case I’m all over that!

5. What must you do daily to keep yourself ‘sane’?

I need to get outside into the fresh air. That can mean anything from a day spent out on the moor, or a cuppa in the garden if I’m ill.

Bonus:  Who do you blame?

I blame:

  •  myself for my incessant curiosity…
  • Sir for my confidence…
  • the wonderful Angel666 over at SKorpion Rope for my first self tie…
  • my friend C for my burgeoning interest in latex…
  • CornishChick for unleashing my giggling sadist when she handed me a flogger after I tied up her play partner…

There is so much more for me to share for the journey of How I became the woman I am today, which is, after all, the purpose of the blog.

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Self-love… my style

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TMI Tuesday blog

 

Happiness – Inside my head.

 

the-inside-my-head-tag

I spotted this at the beginning of May, and planned to join in straight away but now seems like the right time to share the happiness “Inside My Head”.

The ‘Inside My Head’ tag comes from  the discovering your happiness blog Thank you Ashleyleia for your post and open invitation to join in.

Rules:

  • Thank & tag the person that has tagged you
  • Attach the tag photo
  • Answers the ‘This or THAT questions
  • Tag a 10-20 friends.

Here are the questions:

  • How do I feel at the moment?

I am feeling bright and excited.

  • What do I need?.

An extra 5 hours in a day

  • What would make me happy right now?

I would like to be able to understand my son. He lives in his own magic world and sometimes I find things are lost in translation.

  • What is going right in my life?

A lot of things are going right at the moment. I’m getting the support I need for my son, not just from the school but healthcare professionals as well. The steps I am taking steps finding the right home for my little family seem to be in the right direction. I discovered today that I have passed my module and so I am one year closer to achieving my study aspirations.

  • What am I most grateful for? List 10 things.
  1. My children.
  2. My home.
  3. An ability to learn.
  4. My wonderful friends.
  5. Sir and his ongoing tasks.
  6. My confidence.
  7. My desire to keep going…
  8. The weather. Whatever it is I love it.
  9. Dartmoor.
  10. The sea.
  • When did I experience joy this week?

When I collected my boys after their weekend away. Those hugs are always full of joy.

  • List a small victory/success?

I took my boys to a bouldering gym today. I had originally thought I would sit and watch them doing their thing in the kids club because I don’t have the strength to climb. Well, I decided that I would give it a go. The old me who had no confidence would have stopped there but…. Not the new me. And I surprised myself, hugely!

  • What is bothering me & why?

I am very lucky to have a wonderful group of close friends, and a fantastic set of friends who are less close but no less important. It is the people who sit on the edges and pretend to be friendly but are in fact unpleasant to be around. That is what bothers me. And they bother me because I can’t do anything about them. I don’t bitch or moan or gossip, but they do. I have always been a fan of the saying Keep your side of the street clean. It has got me through a lot of moments where I wanted to air my dirty laundry. But, grrrrrr…..it is so frustrating!

  •  What are my priorities at the moment?

My number one priority is to keep my children safe and well. This includes finding a home which is right rather than a home which is just almost there. Continuing with my study and ongoing tasks rank right up there as well.

  • What do I love about my self?

I love the way that I am soft edges and yet firm in my approach. I am honest, caring and loving, but I don’t suffer fools gladly. Tenacity and a competitive spirit, which means I will keep going until I figure it out (whatever it is) to the best of my ability. I love that I am always learning, and this is such an important skill for me in all areas of my life. Also my eyes. I love my eyes.

  • Who means the world to me & why?

My children, because there is no-one else who would be able to drive me to distraction and yet give me a squidgy cuddle and the whole troubling situation is set to rights! I love them unconditionally.

I have 7 people in my most close group. They are who I call my 3am friends. Have you ever had one of those nights where the darkness is all-consuming? Since having these friends I have never needed to make that call, but I know they are there, as I am for them. This isn’t the only reason I love each and every one of them, but they know I adore them.

Sir… Sir has given me so much. For such a long time he was the candle that illuminated my world, even when he wasn’t in contact. Now he has given me the candle and I can light my own world while he is unable to do that for me. I look forward to the time I can hand it back to him. Not because I am unable to hold it for myself, but because I love the way that I can brighten his world better with both hands free.

  • If I could share one message with the world, what would it be?

Honesty is the best policy.

  • What advice would I give to my younger self?

Trust your intuition.

  • What lesson did I learn this week?.

If you don’t try you won’t know if you can. If you do try you may surprise yourself!

  • If I had all the time in the world, what would I do first?

Go for a swim in the sea.

  • Whats draining my energy?

Running over 20 miles a week and not fuelling up properly.

  • What does my ideal morning look like?

Ahhh, the boys would get ready to go when they are asked. And I would not have to stand on my doorstep waiting for them rather than losing my temper.

  • What does my ideal day look like?

Fresh air, open spaces and smiling children (just mine, my ideal day does not include looking after other people’s children!) It is likely there would be a picnic too, one that the boys helped me to make. Then two tired boys in bed on time so I can relax with some smut.

  • What makes me come alive?

Swimming in the cold sea, or spending time in wide open spaces.

  • What/who inspires me the most?

My children, Sir and the woman I used-to-be all inspire me to be the best I can be.

  • Where does my pain originate?

This post gives you a good idea of where things started.

  • What are my strengths?

I am tenacious, strong-willed and loyal.

  • What is something I’ve always wanted but too scared to get?

The fear of not being good enough has stopped me from training for and entering a marathon and triathlon. I have a plan for the marathon, and this is tied up with a task. And I have plans afoot for tri training once I am safely through the marathon.

  • What is something I would love to learn?

Danish.

  • Where would I want to live my ideal life?

I haven’t seen enough of the world to answer this one, but I know that I have never felt I have roots anywhere. Germany, Belgium, Holland and Denmark are all places that intrigue me, but that is just where I am wondering about recently.

  • Where would I like to travel in the next 5 years?

As above, I feel drawn to Germany, Holland, Belgium and Denmark. Really though, anywhere that I can find a cheap flight and accommodation which fits in with my children.

  • What can I do to take better care of myself?

I can get more sleep. I would also like to eat better.

  • What hobbies would I like to try?

Triathlon, boxing, wing walking (is that really a hobby?)

  • When have I done something that I thought I couldn’t do?

Most recently I completed two climbs at the bouldering gym, but before I went along I was convinced that I wouldn’t be able to complete half of the easiest one. Over the last 4 years my world has been made up of achieving things I didn’t believe I could do. It is amazing what you can achieve when you have the right mindset, or the right person to teach you how to sail through the fog.

  • At the end of my life, what do I want my legacy to be?

I want people to see me as someone who had a lot of love to give out. That I was a tenacious achiever who began life as a starter and flourished as a completer. Also that I was a kind person who raised wonderful children and inspired them to be the best they can be.

Here are my nominations:

Fetcetera

Be gentle with you

The Secret Aspie

Curious Clitty

From The Desk of G. Cougar Burt

Exposing 40

A little sass.

A Barbarian in Gentlemen’s Clothing

Success Inspirers World

Revenge Of Eve

Tiarra Talks

Happy view
A wonderful view taken for and sent to a very special person on the other side of the world last night. This view makes me feel alive and free!

Happiness – Inside My Head was first posted on A Leap Of Faith.

Marvellously TMI Tuesday: 10th July 2018.

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3. My heart skipped a beat yesterday

It is that time of the week where the TMI Tuesday questions are calling to be answered, so here I go…

1. What is the most marvelous thing you have ever seen?

Four years ago my youngest son was very unwell, at one point we didn’t think he would make it home. Not six hours after his lowest point his big brother turned up to visit him in hospital. The sick little toddler in his hospital crib immediately stood up and started babbling away to his superhero. The love that those two have for each other is phenomenal, and is the most marvellous thing I have ever seen.

2. Are you a starter or a finisher?

I would always have considered myself a starter. I get so many great ideas that I get started with, but often seemed to lose focus. Tasks from Sir have changed this, I have become a consummate finisher. Tenacious in my desire to finish what I start. He has given me the gift of focus.

3. When did your heart last ‘skip a beat’? Why?

Yesterday I was on Dartmoor for a quick run, and I stopped to bag a tor. Once I had put myself away again I looked around and the view from my position took my breath away. I wish my photographic skills could show you just how wonderful the view was. Vast open spaces regularly make my heart ‘skip a beat’.

4. What does your perfect day look like?

I have so many options for this, but some quiet time in a wide open space, happy children, great food and wonderful company would all be high up there. A spanking?? Oh, yes please! And some contact from Sir before I go to sleep.

5. What would you call your autobiography?

A million little leaps.

Maybe…

Ideas on a postcard please.

Bonus:  How does it feel to be photographed?

Four years ago this was incredibly hard. There are very few pictures of me before then. 15 years ago I told my wedding guests off for constantly wanting to take my photo, and the emotional abuse that I endured with P the desire to be captured on camera only decreased. With the arrival of Sir in my life came tasks that encouraged me to be more comfortable in my own body, including sharing my pictures with him. Since then I have discovered I can take an ok selfie, and even had a risky shoot with a local photographer. Still not too comfortable in front of the camera with my clothes on, but I guess that is the problem with being confident in my own skin?

Train tracks
On the train tracks with Urbstract Photography.
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Scavenger-Hunt-Bronze

 

TMI Tuesday: 19th June 2018

woman carrying baby at beach during sunset
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

1. What was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still have that same worry or feel the same about it at this minute?

Five years ago I was heavily pregnant with a child I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to love or care for. My first birth was followed by 3 years of not liking my son, and this surprise pregnancy brought back a lot of those feelings of inadequacy and fear. Add onto that P had decided we were going to find out the sex of the baby, and upon discovering we were having another boy repeatedly made the points that he had a wanted a girl, he was deeply unhappy that I was growing a boy and I probably should have had that abortion he had suggested at the start of the pregnancy. (He is a real charmer)

Five years later and my fears have been proven unfounded. I didn’t experience postnatal depression second time round, and though there have been very challenging times I have removed the highly toxic P from my life (as much as possible) and found a strength of character which is proving to be more than good enough for raising two lovely little boys.

2. Do you have a positive or negative body image? What factors contribute to your self body image?
a. advertisements
b. media and social media
c. comments from others
d. introspection and analysis of self

I finally believe I have a positive body image. I see my body for what it is, and I am proud of what my body can do. Over the last five years I have gone from loathing my body to being fairly ambivalent about it. Just in the last year (from my heaviest last October to a healthier weight now) I have come to really appreciate certain parts. My breasts were the last part, with everyone else having the perfect shape or size and mine being, well, different. Following tasks from an exasperated Sir, and some great photos I have realised that when I say “all breasts are beautiful” that can include mine too. So much so that I even got fitted for a bra two weeks ago! Got to love Sir’s tasks and a spot of self-counselling.

Sadly, no amount of people telling me they like my breast, bum eyes or [insert preferred body part] has helped me in this journey. I have friends and lovers who enjoy my body, and sir has always been appreciative. But he has set tasks so that I can accept myself in my own time. And as my confidence has grown in my body so has my appreciation of it, and my willingness to look after it.

I have been a bit frustrated at the media and certain apps, one called My perfect body which allows you to shape and mould your photos to create the “perfect” shape. It makes me worry for the next generation. I may have downloaded it and had a go…

3. How confident are you as a person?
a. no confidence at all
b. confident around friends and family
c. confident at work, and in my job
d. very confident in my surroundings–work, social settings, with strangers

I have a quiet confidence which I find useful in most situations. From meeting strangers, to public speaking and with people who I know well. Strangely it is the people I know a little but not well who I feel shy around. Perhaps with strangers I can have the walls up, and those I’m close to have already found the secret hiding place for my spare door key. Those in the middle ground are, perhaps, more risky? Who knows…

4. How creative a person are you? Why?
a. not creative
b. average creativity
c. creative in some situations
d. very creative

When it comes to food I am very creative, particularly with store cupboard staples. Otherwise I rely on reflection or academia (writing) and patterns or pictures to copy (drawing and crafty things) I’m happy with my level of creativity.

5. Do you resent things being uncertain and unpredictable? Why?
a. agree
b. undecided or Don’t Know
c. disagree

I can find uncertainty challenging, but resent predictability.

Bonus: What do you wish you had invented?

LEGO TAPE!!!!!

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TMI Tuesday blog

 

TMI Tuesday: 12th June 2018

Ice-Cream-Maker-Luxury-Vanilla-Ice-Cream (2)

1. If you were an ice-cream flavor, what would you be and why?

I would be lemon meringue. I may present as vanilla, but I am far from it, and that is a wonderful surprise. When you first take the lid off the tub it looks very  ordinary, but take a scoop and you start to see the swirls of lemon. Taste me, those yellow streaks are a little bit tart alongside the smooth creamy ice-cream. And then there is the hidden texture of meringue.

2. What are the best sexy skills you bring to a sexual relationship?

I am adventurous, unshockable and love to push myself to try new things and perfect old things.

3. What is the single largest problem causing you angst in your romantic relationship (current or most recent relationship)?

I don’t know that there is angst in my life at the moment. I guess I have to say the tasks I am set where I have to decide what to do “to please him” make me feel most anxious.

4. What is the best part about being in a relationship with you?

ME!

5. What is the biggest misconception that people have about you?

Still waters run deep with me, and the vanilla mask that is visible to the world is not the real me. I am usually seen as sweet and innocent, even among the local kink community. But once people become trusted they see that I am very much the opposite. One friend has just fallen off her chair at the thought of how family see me… but she has been on the receiving end of my sadistic giggle.

I have just been reminded that people sometimes see me as weak. Until recently I believed that too, and yet it couldn’t be further from the truth. Again, still waters run deep, and that strength isn’t on display for all to see, but it is there!

Bonus:  When you look at old photos of yourself, do you like what you see?

I enjoy looking at me through the times of my life. Some pictures I enjoy more than others, but I love reflecting on my life and pictures help with that. When I look at these pictures (below) what is not to like?

 

TMI Tuesday blog

 

TMI Tuesday: 5th June 2018

black and white forest grass monochrome
Photo by David Bartus on Pexels.com

What kind of person are you?

1. Are you addicted to any social media (twitter, instagram, snapchat, etc.)?

I have accounts on a lot of social media sites, but I find it hard to keep up with everything so I just dip in and out.

2. You know a secret about someone. What do you do with that information?
a. I keep it to yourself
b. I tell my best friend
c. I wait until they hurt me and use it as ammunition
d. I tell everyone I can, I don’t mean to, I just cannot keep a secret

I keep it to myself. I love knowing things that other people don’t know. If it isn’t my secret to share and I tell people then the trust is broken and no-one will tell me secrets again!

3. You see someone breaking the rules at work, what do you do?
a. Pretend not to see what is going on
b. Inform upper management
c. Advise the co-worker that their actions are frowned upon and can lead to job loss
d. Tell everyone else in the office what you saw

I would firstly talk to them and show them the correct way of doing things, just in case they don’t know what the correct procedure is. If that isn’t successful then I would talk to my line manager.

4. A friend has a new hairstyle that is un-becoming, and not really age-appropriate on them. They ask you how they look. What is your reply?
a. You look just fine.
b. You look much better this way.
c. OMG, you look a bit ridiculous.
d. *Silence*

I am known for being direct. Honesty is the best policy and all that. However, I have learnt a little tact over the last few years and none of these responses fits with what I would say. The Shit Sandwich is a tried and tested way for me to tell people they look awful while not making them feel bad about themself.

5. How helpful are you at home? 
a. I come home and immediately veg out on the couch/bed.
b. I cook and clean a few times a week.
c. I am extremely helpful.
d. I do what I am asked and nothing more.

As the only adult if I don’t do it then it doesn’t get done.

Bonus: In your opinion, what is the best city in the world? Why?

I am not nearly well travelled enough to answer this question with a well considered answer, but I love Germany and have a strong desire to disappear in the Black Forest so I think Stuttgart would be a great start.

I love Bruges too.

And Berlin.

And Durban.

And Pattaya

And….

No, it’s just not happening, I need to go and see the world.

Click below to see what other people are up to.

TMI Tuesday blog

 

Most of all, differences of opinion are opportunities for learning.

person standing near lake
Photo by Lukas Rychvalsky on Pexels.com

M and I were getting along really well, but there was something that made him deeply uncomfortable.

He loved the fact that I enjoyed kinky sex, but my submissive nature made him a little bit cross. Power exchange was never something that I required of him, we were equals on all fronts, but on occasion I would do something that would anger him and it wasn’t until I pinned him down and demanded he talk to me about the problem that we could start to work on a solution. There was one time when he had a tight back, and as I was sat on floor by his feet I automatically went to put on his socks. I did not see that as a submissive thing, more just helping someone I cared about with something they found tricky. He snatched the socks from my hand and marched off to his bedroom to put his own socks and shoes on. Throughout my marriage behaviour like this (anger!!) would have made me quake in my boots, but I was different now, more confident, and this was M. I had no reason to fear him, though he did confuse me sometimes.

I gave him some time to calm down, and asked him why he had reacted the way he did.

It then all came tumbling out. How during our blossoming friendship he had initially enjoyed the fact that I was owned, but now that we were together he didn’t want or need that responsibility. Being my dominant was not what he had signed up for and it made him feel very uncomfortable to think I wanted him to behave that way. I had to stifle a giggle at that point, he could never have known that I did not expect or desire that from him either. So I explained to him that none of the things that I did would ever mean I wanted him to be my Sir, my owner, my dominant. He was my lover, my friend, my equal. And while I felt that a D/s relationship could include all of those 3 parts, my relationship with him did not include the power exchange and sadomasochism which I would associate with a D/s relationship.

  • This man I loved was gentle, scatty and a little bit flakey!
  • The Dominant that I loved was demanding, organised and driven.

I adored all of those things about both of them, but they were two entirely different men. And with sir away for the foreseeable future (I had no idea if I would ever see him again) I had no desire at that time to look for a similar relationship elsewhere.

This conversation marked a turning point in our relationship.

He became noticeably more relaxed, and didn’t fly off the handle when some part of my submission emerged. He tried his best to take it in the spirit I intended it, and kindly told me if something made him uncomfortable, and I tried to make sure I didn’t behave in a way that put him on edge. Not through fear of the consequences if I upset him, as I had been with P, but more out of a mutual respect for our different life experiences and expectations. By having the confidence to challenge the negative feelings brought about by our different opinions we learnt more about each other and grew as a couple.

couple love romantic silhouette
Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

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