Questions For Elvis Costello, Answered By Me

This week’s TMI Tuesday questions are lifted from the Stephen Colbert Show as he posed them to Elvis Costello. As a lover of Mr Costello, how could I possibly not join in?

We need to know:

1. What is the best sandwich?

Without question my favourite is a barefoot sandwich. The kind where I’m impaled on Sir’s cock and hooked into a sexy lady with my strap on. Or perhaps with Sir and a bonus cock to ensure maximum stuffing for me? The filling does get a bit wet and floppy after a while, but she tastes delicious!

2. Scariest animal?

I’ve not really any need to be scared of animals. I live in the UK where you’re highly unlikely to encounter dangerous animals in a way that can cause death. And while I’m nervous around horses, this doesn’t make them terrifying, I just don’t understand them. However, there is one creature that, once seen, can’t be ignored. Crane flies are the stuff of nightmares for me. I know, I know, they’re absolutely harmless. But they are the leftovers of arachnophobia. And yes, I’m well aware these are six-legged insects rather than eight legged spiders, but when I see them flitting around in their haphazard way my brain flips to “FLYING SPIDER!!!!!!!” and I just can’t function.

3. Ever asked someone for an autograph?

In my formative years I visited a mountain biking show a couple of times. I wore my Mint Sauce tee and enjoyed being signed by some of my heroes, including Mint Sauce’s creator. The depraved thoughts which followed did not match up with my virgin status. (I’m really curious to learn how Elvis Costello answered this one)

4. Favourite action movie?

I don’t make the time to watch movies really, but sometimes I’m introduced to something and have to watch all of them. The hottest guy I’ll never fuck (to be introduced at a later date) suggested Kingsman: The Secret Service when he last visited (Early 2021 I think) and I enjoyed it so much that I bought it on DVD along with the sequels.

5. Fave rom-com?

As mentioned above, I’m not much of a film watcher. Action features wayyyyy higher than rom-com and so I struggled with this question. Until I remembered one of the few Christmas movies I watch: Love Actually. It’s not every year I watch this, but it is one of the few DVDs I insisted on keeping when I got rid of P. Certainly the only rom-com.

6. Window or aisle?

Either way is good for me. The window gives a better view, but the aisle gives leg room and freedom.

7. Favourite smell?

Mmmmm, there is a smell that my body remembers vividly and reacts to that memory without warning. The warm, masculine and mildly spicy scent of Sir penetrating my senses as his body pressed into me, simultaneously making my toes curl and my insides ripple.

8. Least favourite smell?

Since contracting covid in November my sense of smell hasn’t been working right. While I’m starting to recognise nice smells for what they are (eg. Sir, and Honeysuckle.) I’ve been gifted bad aromas for some time which can be helpful in keeping me safe. Though it’s not always an accurate match for the thing in question. My freshly laundered clothes smelt, to me, like particularly potent teenage boys for a good long time. From slurry scented Jasmine tea, through to baking cakes with (more than) a hint of public toilets, I’m aware that this is going to take some effort to retrain my brain. However, the worst smell has to be vomit. Whenever I smell this I feel nauseous, whether my recognition is accurate or not!

9. Most used app on your phone?

Probably Chrome or Whatsapp.

10. You only get one song to listen to for the rest of your life, what is it?

Would a world where I’m limited to one tune for the rest of my life be particularly attractive? Or even one I’d want to spend a lot of time in? There is just too much great music out there. But if I HAD to choose then a long song with a variety of different sections, and interesting/thought provoking/amusing lyrics that I can sing along to or ignore. With that in mind I thing there really is only one option…

Bonus: Describe the rest of your life in five words.

Came. Saw. Questioned. Considered. Corrupted.

This week’s TMI Tuesday post, Questions For Elvis Costello, Answered By Me foc