The tell me about prompt this week is Questions, with a suggestion of “we want to hear your questions, and hopefully find some answers too!” Now, I’m not one to fit the mould, so I wanted to share the role of questions in my dynamic with Sir. Focussing on how he answers (or not) his insufferably curious submissive’s quizzing. The question on my lips is whether or not knowledge is power!
Where to start with the questions?
Well, I think the best place to start is at the beginning: why we ask questions. Or, for the purposes of this post Why I Ask Questions. I have always been a knowledge seeker, professional curiosity is what made me good at my work. A constant desire to dig deeper gives me the edge in my studies and, dare I say, parenting. I am nosey, not for gossip, but in a “I want to know you better” way. I ask a lot of questions, lots. So many! I love it when people answer them. And when people ask my opinion… I have an annoying habit of asking a question in response. Reflecting their enquiry back at them because, generally, my opinion isn’t necessary. I want to discover everything, and in return I want you to learn as much as you can for yourself.
Contrary to my inquisitive nature, I have always been a bit of a closed book. My mum always says that still waters run deep, and she is quite right. A typical Scorpio trait, from what I’ve been told. Ask a lot of questions, but don’t give much away. Of course, if you’re reading my blog then this fact may come as a surprise, but like I said, we are starting at the beginning. Don’t forget, the blog began as a task, and continues, in many ways, as a form of communication with him.
So, bear this in mind when I take you to (almost) seven years ago.
This is when I met Sir.
All of a sudden the questions were directed at me.
He wanted to know everything. It was never an interrogation, more a gentle teasing of facts, fantasies, unrealised goals… His way of learning me was entirely familiar, a reflection of my very own curiosity. My high walls steadily came down for him. The way he discovered the contents of my soul, seduced my submission out of me, was so gentle and nurturing. I couldn’t tell you at what point I became hopelessly lost in him. I’d not considered the truth of the saying “knowledge is power” before meeting him, but the more he learnt the more I could surrender myself to him.
Handing over my submission, consenting to his control.
However, what happens when my own curiosity rears it’s beautiful head. Which, quite obviously, it does. Why wouldn’t it? He is my hero, I want to know EVERYTHING about him. How on earth does he cope with my insatiable lust for information? All those questions…
OK, not entirely. He has never once denied me information that I need to know. But there is a vast difference between needing and wanting. I know that he has always been honest with me. Never more so than when he informed me, at the very start of our relationship, that I would get to know him very slowly! He is very much in control of the sating of my curiosity.
There’s a balance to be found, naturally.
He just knows where that lies. I’m his very own version of Goldilocks. Too much information and I’d lose interest. Not enough, I’d lose trust. But he knows the magic formula for getting it just right. More importantly, he knows me.
For example, if I am in a pickle and ask for his thoughts on a subject, then he will voice his ideas. But he won’t offer an opinion without being explicitly asked for it. I truly value this. I’m actively encouraged to make my own decisions, to fight my own battles- rationally, confidently- but I know he will be waiting in the corner to hold me up when I’m spent. Or to offer his guidance when I’m at a particularly challenging fork in the road.
His reluctance to answer each and every question that pours out of me is a source of amusement- to both of us I think. It is perfectly acceptable for me to ask these things, he will always tell me if I’m doing something wrong, or am being an irritant. But “I always did keep you in the dark N” (with a cheeky emoji) tells me that it amuses him as much as it frustrates me. In the same way that edging frustrates me. The minimal amount of knowledge on my part serves to remind me of who exactly is in control where he and I are concerned.
So, knowledge is power? Well, yes, kind of.
In my case submission with minimal knowledge requires trust. By the bucket load.
A leap of faith, if you will.
Sir is keen to impress upon me that power and control are not the same. He makes it clear that my submission, who I offer it to and for how long, is where the power lies. I would agree that blindly handing this over would be foolish. I have enough knowledge that the consent I offer is both informed and enthusiastic. This means that he is very much in control, the captain of our ship.
And so I happily agree to this restraint on my curiosity, the limiting on my knowledge of him. Why? Because I trust him- and when I met him I didn’t trust anyone easily. I know what I need to know. The facts that he has shared over the years, as well as his behaviours all add up. He has earned me, my trust, my submission, I revel in his control. And I accept his ways because… Because I adore him, and the way that he nurtures me. I’m empowered daily, have grown immeasurably.
My curiosity is never dulled, I just have to polish it elsewhere.
Will I ever stop asking him questions? I doubt it. I make every effort to be authentically me. To show up as I am. And I’m a curious kitten! If he asks me to stop, if he finds it frustrating, then I will. I respect his boundaries, as he does mine.
I appreciate that this wouldn’t wok for everyone. But within the context of our relationship, it works. For us. While I know this would be intolerable within any of my friendships, with sir things are different, and this is welcome. But then, my friendships have other boundaries on them that Sir is permitted to side step. I fully consent, trust him implicitly, and over the (almost) seven years that I’ve known him, he has shown me time and again that I’m in safe hands. It’s not knowledge that is the power, but my submission. And he creates the imbalance that contributes to my ability to access the submissive headspace. Making it possible for me to hand over control.
He knows so much about me, and himself, that he can tailor our relationship to my needs, His needs, and both of our wants.
Have you enjoyed Knowledge is Power? Maybe you’ll enjoy this post: Submission, Dominance and Responsibility.