After the first time I met Loki properly we stayed in basic contact, and tried to arrange a date for him to come to my house and tie me up. A fully clothed rope session in the comfort of my own home, and in a way that we could both assess if the other was the safe player we expected them to be. We finally made it happen late November, 2017. It made a lovely change of pace from all of the differently exciting times I had experienced recently. On my visit to see B, and over the weeks that followed. I had needed to be gentle with myself, recover from the exhaustion caused by my desire to do everything! And a peaceful rope session in my own home seemed like just the tonic.
We had spent time together at the munch where we met. Held in a bustling pub and disappearing into our own little world I hadn’t noticed how big his laugh was. Now, as he stood in my living room it escaped him, bouncing off of the walls and filling the space. Not only that, but it filled my heart with joy too. Instantly our evening felt like exactly the tonic this girl needed. Bondage, laughter, no pressure, no travel. Just fun and mischief, with a man who would become a very dear friend.
So, we started with clothed rope.
The first time he tied me is the image above. He was very careful not to be handsy, to not push my consent. We spoke, we laughed, we drank hot chocolate, he tied, we laughed some more! By this point I was a fairly decent self rigger, but I made it my mission not to try and “help” him. I know how annoying that is, when well meaning bunnies try to tell you how to tie them! Not that he needed my help, and he made it fun to be in his bindings, distracting me from my own need for total self control. A need which had been growing in intensity over the last month or so. However, our rope relationship is not one of dominance and submission. It is about friendship and relaxation. At least, if you can call our semi-regular hikes on the moor in search of the perfect location relaxing!
Mind you, I don’t think either of us could have envisioned the way we would grow together following this first session of clothed rope. I certainly didn’t. Saying that, I couldn’t have imagined the way I have changed over the three years since I met him!!
As our friendship has progressed not only has the amount of clothes I wear decreased. Our communication has evolved alongside that. A baseline of absolute trust. One where both know we are safe. If there is something amiss, I’m tired or cold, or if I’m just not feeling it I know I can tell him and we will stop. Similarly, he is also buoyed by the knowledge that I will share any discomfort and odd sensation, or boundary unwittingly pushed.
More than that though, we have an understanding.
If he is tying me in a rope scene (such as this one) I will relax into it and trust that he has a plan, or at least an idea to run with. When we are exploring Dartmoor we bounce creativity off of each other, which occasionally gets us into amusing situations. If we are labbing out an idea together we discuss as he ties. Perhaps when he is trying something new and it is within my skill set then I will give guidance. But ONLY when asked for it, or when I hear him mumble something about finding the youtube tutorial. Not that this happens very often! And I do love the chance to completely unwind in the ties.
But where did this trust come from? It is hard to imagine me as the woman who didn’t trust anyone much, but I am all for pushing my limits and I was happy to with Loki. The trust came from a place of shared interests and starting small. Getting to know each other, building a safe space to connect and play, and learning to communicate with clarity and honesty, in both directions. I don’t think for a minute our bond would be as strong had we started out with me nude.