Coffee, Tea and Non-Monogamy

#EthicalNon-Monogamy #Differences #LifestyleChoices #TeaAndCoffee
Coffee tea and non monogamy header shows a selection on teas displayed on a wooden shelf.

Well, that’s quite a title, isn’t it? What on earth does coffee and tea have to do with non-monogamy? In all honesty, probably not a lot. But then again, in my think-outside-the-box brain I’ve had these thoughts swirling around for quite some time. When I saw Floss’s first prompt for #SWAP I realised that now is the time to spill the beans.

Firstly, let me share how my dynamic works:

I am ethically non-monogamous, I don’t believe I am organised enough for being Poly, nor do I have the time to devote to multiple partners. However, I’m owned by Sir, and love to live within the boundaries of our relationship. These have been discussed and developed over the course of our dynamic, and while they work for us I know they won’t be right for everyone. With the freedom to play outside of a monogamous relationship, it’s important to us both that anyone who joins us understands and accepts our boundaries, as we do theirs. Some of these friends may be sexual, others platonic play partners, and very occasionally some may cross between the two realms.

So, yeah. Labels don’t really work for me. No surprise there, hey?

SWL, on the other hand, is entirely monogamous in her relationships. Unless she has a Dominant partner who requires her to meet other men. This is a consensual and negotiated part of her submission rather than a relationship need. It’s my understanding that while she enjoys this aspect of play very much her preference would be for one-on-one within an established relationship. She also doesn’t have multiple platonic or sexual playmates. The idea of platonic intimacy is something I’ve introduced her to, and it’s been amazing watching her embrace the changes in our friendship. But she hasn’t pursued this elsewhere. However, while she was in a relationship she was still open to exploring kinky stuff with me.

The joy of being human is the opportunity to choose your own path, and when there are so many to choose from how wonderful to be allowed to share in another’s path. Or as Bono said:

“To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater”

Anyway, let me get back to the topic in hand…

Relationship Status: Non-Monogamous with Tea And Coffee

The question: “How does coffee and tea relate to non-monogamy?” popped into my mind during fever dreams. After discussing tea selection with SWL.

Let me start at the beginning of this chapter so it makes a bit more sense…

Earlier in 2021 she became aware that I enjoy a wider variety of tea than she realised. As she was having issues with caffeine and dairy she decided to explore this side of things too. After working through a random selection of tea bags she found on ebay she wanted to narrow it down to just having one (maybe two) flavours on the go at a time. I asked her why she didn’t just get a box of each flavour she liked. That would be too much choice, she informed me. I countered this with a suggestion to do a lucky dip, but that fell on deaf ears. She wanted to find the right flavour to see her through.

When this message lit up my phone I was boiling the kettle and asking my youngest to pick out a random tea from the jar. It was at this moment I realised that coffee and tea preferences may well reflect your (my) attitude to non-monogamy. Or relationship preferences in general.

Time to get down to the nitty gritty of teas, coffee and my relationships.

Firstly, lets look at my primary dynamic. If I had to choose one hot drink for always then it would be Breakfast tea. Strong, milky and hot. If I was going for perfection I’d say loose leaf Assam, brewed for three to five minutes. Patiently waiting for the right flavours to develop without tipping over the edge into a bitter infusion. But actually tea is tea, and I’m happy with a steaming mug of tea however it comes.

Next up, lets look at teas, or my friends and playmates.

These, I would equate to my random selection of “other” teas. Black, white, green, fruit, herbal… Of course, you’ve met some of them here. SWL has rapidly developed into a Roobois Chai (this is the flavour she has settled on, just on case you were wondering). Loki is a particularly sparky Green tea with Ginger. LovelyL is going to have to be my pumpkin spiced black tea. My red berry infusion would definitely have to be the delightfully fruity CC. I could continue, but I shall move along… This list could go on all day, I’m a truly lucky woman to have such a great circle of playful friends.

Which raises the question: What about coffee?

I mentioned this in the title, after all. I appreciate that you may have read about my slutty tasks on more than one occasion. However, this doesn’t reflect my everyday way of living. Sorry to shatter those illusions! No, these are a special treat for me, and for Sir. If I was permitted to be this way permanently I’d soon lose interest and, well, where would the fun be in that. Sex is a bonus, a treat, a special occasion. Much like my coffee. And I am ridiculously fussy when it comes to how I drink it. Double espresso, extracted perfectly and with love. But the bean and roast are vital. If it doesn’t spark joy as it rides my tongue then, no, I won’t return for a second visit. There are two cafe’s in my town where I will enjoy my chosen drink, and one of those is only their seasonal blend so… I may need to stop visiting soon. And my favourite online shop means that I can now pour my own at home, thanks to a little gadget that builds the perfect pressure. If I don’t have coffee I don’t mind, much like I’m quite content with the boundaries of my relationship with Sir- He is, after all, my cup of tea.

But what about drinks that aren’t coffee or tea?

You know… hot chocolates? And Chai Lattes?

Well, I haven’t figured where these fit in with my own thoughts on non-monogamy just yet. I do know though, that sometimes when we go out, SWL and I will BOTH have a hot chocolate. Is there something in that? Perhaps these ones are the vanilla friends we enjoy spending time with. Yeah, I think it could be that

SWL and I often discuss (non) monogamy. We also debate tea and coffee preferences.

Part of what makes our friendship is our differences, the way that we can challenge each other. I think that it’s healthy to be able to see things from a different perspective, and I’m grateful for the way my brain has caught on to her tea drinking preference and seen how it mirrors the way we conduct our relationships, and I hope that this post will give her a clearer insight into my own thoughts (and tea caddy!)

I’m finally getting the thoughts behind Coffee, Tea and non-monogamy out of my head thanks to Floss’ new meme- #SWAP. I’m also sharing to Mmm Mondays Meme. Please do go and check out these amazing spaces by clicking the buttons above.

Continuing the theme of hot drinks, if you enjoy my work please consider buying me a coffee so I can keep sharing my adventures and random thoughts with you.


  1. I love this analogy. I am not sure I understand my non monogamy as well as you do at the moment though. I don’t think covid has helped mind you


    1. I love that I have friends who are so utterly different, and with whom I can talk openly and honestly about it all. It’s certainly helped me understand where I am now, though, as we all know, life is fluid and my thoughts will likely change over time. N

  2. What a great post, I think this is the beauty of hot drinks, they evoke so many thoughts and memories in folks that I think I probably could have ran this same topic for a month and people would still have had things to say by the end of it. Thank you so much for joining in with this week’s #SWAP 🙂

    1. Thank you for hosting. I live having my memory bumped in random ways and it looks as though your prompts will work quite well to help me explore my thoughts and stories quite nicely. Next week is time to revisit a certain memory and the next one definitely inspired a train of thought I’d not imagined.

  3. I will forever wonder what my friends drink now as this has got me to wondering if drink choices determine a person’s characteristics or personality. Things that make you say hmmm….
    I personally love a double chai latte, or a freshly ground dark roast- double cream 😉

    1. I’ve now got visions of you offering to make the drinks when you pay friends a visit, just so you can peek into their tea stash and guess…

      Now then… the double chai latte sounds like a spicy addition to any lifestyle 🙂

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.