From Haven To Mail, Continuing A-Z April

Goodness knows where April is disappearing to. I knew it would be a tricky month, which informed the decision to answer Mrs Fever’s questions in bulk, but I never imagined I’d be up to G on the 26th. I’d best get a wriggle on before I run out of days! The first question, around whether I have a haven, has helped me choose the header.

Dartmoor is a safe space for me and so I couldn’t have a post where I talk about my haven and not include it somewhere. The header image was inspired my Tits Out Tor Bagging adventures when an Easter break saw me on Peek Hill Tor with SWL and her dog Bliss. This tor overlooks Burrator reservoir, the source of many adventures with Loki, and Leather Tor, which I couldn’t bring myself to visit due to the fierce wind that threatened to knock me off my feet. I thoroughly enjoyed finding a new (to me) tor, and viewing old favourites from a new angle.

---

H

Do you have a haven? What (or where, or who) is it?

My idea of a haven has changed over the last seven or eight years. When I was married I didn’t have a safe space, somewhere to call my own. Since extracting myself from that situation I have found that there are so many places that I can visit which feel like a haven, or activities I can do that make me feel balanced. The most notable of these is running, and my ever deepening relationship with Dartmoor. I’ve also gotten to know myself, and the wonderful friends I have (and patient therapists) have given me the freedom to be me, just me. Unapologetically and unabashedly me. Once I started to trust myself I became my own haven. No longer was I escaping to the moors, or running away from my problems. I could find solace or adventure on the moors, but I didn’t NEED to go there.

I was soon running TO a whole new world, rather than running AWAY from my sorry existence for a while.

“The only place you will be accepted is the place you make for yourself.”

Holly Lisle

Having carved out the space for my own sense of self to flourish I became strong, independent and bloody-minded. (Also, infinitely more complex than a three word bio.) But where can I find safe harbour when the mind monsters turn my grey matter into a frothing ocean of confusion and insecurity? There is one person to whom I defer when things get too much, and that is Sir.

He’s my haven, someone I can lean in to without fear of being allowed to fall.

I don’t need to do this very often, but I love the way he supports me when I do. We have the same communication style, and so one sentence from him can unlock the answers to questions in my mind. He also has the ability to make me roar with laughter, helping me to cope with, and resolve, my anger at others’ actions. Most recently he read my garbled email and stepped in with a small but mighty task which picked me up and popped me back on the right track.

Sir is my ultimate haven, and this is a topic I will return to in a full post at some point. But I feel better knowing that I have learnt that I can be my own safe space, and love that this is the case. 39 and only just realising…

I

What idiosyncrasies are unique to YOU?

When I was reading this question, and the accompanying post, I was scratching my head. I genuinely couldn’t think of any! None, nada, zilch. But then I got back to thinking and realised that I do, though they are by no means unique to me.

The one I can think of, as mentioned in the post Simple Pleasures and TMI Tuesday, is paired socks. I need to wear paired sock, my feet are so uncomfortable in anything other than same-on-both-sides. Turning a blind eye to my children and their sock habits (I’m aware my need for pairs isn’t altogether rational and choose to try not to pass this along) and my brother is a wind up merchant who needs ignoring when he waves his wonky feet across my glance.

I do, however, recall a gym instructor a few years back. He was covering a Yogalates class I attended regularly, and it was the first time I’d seen his feet. Shock horror! His left foot was wearing a green sock, his right was a blue/grey. My balance is usually spot on. Not on this occasion. I was so distracted by these mismatched fabric appendages that I couldn’t even I couldn’t hold any positions. After that I always checked if he was due to be covering classes before booking on, such is my inability to cope with this traumatic event.

J

Java- Do you have a favourite coffee drink?

I only drink coffee one way. And I am so, so fussy it’s beyond ridiculous. Not fussy, particular. Let me explain.

I love a double espresso, poured into a COLD CUP, with one brown sugar. And a glass of water on the side. If there is a small ice cube available I like the espresso extracted over that.

The purpose of the cold cup or ice cube is that it takes the heat out of the coffee and it stops developing the flavours. This can cause even the smoothest of coffees to taste harsh and undrinkable.

I always check out the flavour notes. If it’s described as having chocolate notes, or honey flavours I am almost certainly not going to enjoy it. I like citrus, sweet or tart coffees which skip through my mouth and make the edges of my tongue curl up in squealy delight. If I need to have more than one sugar I’m unlikely to come back for another cup. I also want the crema to be glossy and to be able to feel the coffee in my tummy. If neither of these happen I’m, again, unlikely to revisit the cafe. And if I’m in the queue and I see other people being served with less than sublime blends, I’m going to go elsewhere.

In all honesty, if you see me walking towards your cafe please do lock up and pretend you’re not there. I’m a PITA when it comes to coffee. If anyone wishes to gift me a coffee machine for my kitchen, or a kitchen big enough to house one, please do get in touch! I’m sure my two local cafes would be pleased to see the back of me.

K

How would I respond if someone told me not to wear knickers?

The first thing I want to know is who is “someone”?

I’ve rarely enjoyed going commando. As a woman with voluptuous lips and active hobbies, the sweat needs wicking away with fabric. It chafes and rubs with less than optimal coverage under there. On the occasions where I have enjoyed it I was technically wearing knickers, however they were inside.

Lots of people ask me to do “things”, such is the joy of a sexual woman online. However, there is only one persons whose requests are met with positivity. If a random stranger asked (or indeed a friend who wishes to see me not in underwear- not that I can think of anyone currently) they’d be met with hostility, maybe? Or utter disdain.

And what about Sir? If he tasked me with not wearing knickers (as well as my skirt with bare legs) it wouldn’t be an outright no. But it would bring about a conversation on when it would be permissible to wear them. Running without is a no-go. Wearing a skirt with no knickers when my children are with me would be a no. He’s a kind a nd decent Dominant though, no well thought out and considered request is ever poo-pooed.

L

Llamas and other animals; Is there a particular type of animal you have an affinity for? And/or: What do you collect?

I love Mrs Fever’s Llamas, they really are a cheerful collection! While I seem to have a connection with owls, as described in Constant Companion, I’ve never felt compelled to collect them. As a girl I did have a vast collection of Wade Whimsies, but the dusting of them was tiresome, and when I eventually sold them I added the money to a pot of savings intended for travels that never happened. In fact, currently, I only have two collections. One if you don’t include sex toys and equipment! Over the years I have accumulated a wide array of cookery books, they are now shelved at the top of my stairs, a high traffic area if ever there was one. I will often sit for a while perusing the (occasionally sticky) pages. Or siphon off a couple for a more intense read on the sofa later.

M

Do you enjoy sending or receiving mail?

Hell yes!!!

I come from a long line of letter writers. Towards the end of primary school I had penpals, one in France, one in Japan. I would converse with the french girl in her language occasionally as my confidence grew. And my japanese friend taught me how to write my name, among other things. Sadly my written skills in both languages are significantly reduced these days, 30 years after they started. However, my love of post hasn’t gone anywhere, though I didn’t engage with it, outside of surprise cards for friends and family, until a couple of years ago.

During lockdown I was introduced to a site called SwapBot. It’s an international community for adults to share post in many forms. From spa packages to letters, monthly reading lists to mini art swaps. These are a lot of fun, even for the creatively-impaired (such as myself). My favourites are the tea swaps, which have seen me trying all sorts of weird and wonderful flavours from international brands I would otherwise not be able to enjoy. But it is a safe haven of creativity, and the people who keep me going back for more. If you enjoy meeting new people through randomised swaps, both internationally and locally, perhaps give this place a try?

---

From Haven To Mail, Continuing A-Z April header features a view from Peek Hill. In the opposite direction there are a great many tors on display, one of which is Swell Tor, as shared previously in the post Life Is Swell.