My constant companion header image shows a torch lit footpath through the woods.

Constant Companion

My constant companion header image shows a torch lit footpath through the woods.

I’m home! It’s been three wonderful weeks of trips away, reconnecting with myself and my family. Disconnecting, for the most part, from technology. Sometimes this was planned, other times not so much. Each of the trips I took was different, but they all had one thing in common, a regular visitor, or as I told Sir, my constant companion. Owls!

I’d originally intended to link up to the Dear Diary prompt for Wicked Wednesday, I wanted to share my gratitude for owls with myself. (I know, that probably sounds a little strange.) However, I was camping, and had no electricity. No matter, I saw the following prompt released was more fitting- Spirit animal. Yes!! I’d write for that. But the promised wifi connection never materialised, so I couldn’t write it in time. Fortunately Marie was happy for me to link up retrospectively, so… Here goes!

Now, this post isn’t going to be about sex, or kink. But it does start with a certain amount of wickedness on my part.

The first time I was aware of owls was during my teens. I’d been doing mushrooms with my then boyfriend and another mate. The three of us set up camp in the woods, made a fire and ingested vast quantities of natures bounty. At the time I was quite a party girl, and in all my experiences I never had a bad trip. But on this occasion something incredibly strange happened.

As I came up on the tea, I started to feel uneasy, like something wasn’t quite right. I put it down to the setting, having a dark and dense woodland for company, I guessed, would make for a different high. So I sat with the guys around the fire and we laughed and joked. My then boyfriend was known for spinning out into negativity, so I was always mindful to keep things light, but when the owls started dive bombing my head I had to voice my concerns!

Well, you don’t want that kind of thought bumping around in your hallucinogen soaked brain, do you?

So, having casually slipped “I can’t understand why these owls aren’t bothering you two” into conversation, my boyfriend freaked out! Our friend- so laid back he may as well have been lying down- thought I’d be best off having some quiet time in the tent. Having zipped me in, he went to calm down my fella. I don’t know how long I was in there, time is immaterial really, but those pesky owls just wouldn’t quit. I unzipped the tent and poked my head out. Looking up at the darkness to see where they were coming from. But I was still the only one who could see them.

So this time I was bundled back to the car, my friend thought it best to give me a solid structure for protection. He didn’t want those owls getting me through the tent. Not that he believed there were any real ones, but he knew that reality was not all there was at this point. Plus, he had a twenty year old man to keep calm, and this was proving tricky with a seventeen year old girl hopping around in wonder at the non-existent birds!

Safely stowed in my boyfriends mini I enjoyed the quiet.

The owls had left me in peace to enjoy watching my breath make misty movies in the torchlight. Before I knew what was happening the door was flung open again. It was the other two, they had been trying to dismantle the tent when the rocks around the fire started exploding, landing on the tent. Fortunately there was enough mushroom tea and water to put out any flames, and safely cool the heated shards of stone that glowed on the tarpaulin before anything went badly wrong, but I don’t like to imagine what woul dhave happened if the owls hadn’t been there, if we’d al been asleep in the tent when the rocks started bombing the antique fabric.

Since that night I’ve always had an affinity with Owls.

As those of you who have been reading this blog a long time will know, I have a long history of depression. My sleep goes to pot when I’m unwell, and on those darkest of night, when I have known no-one would miss me, there has always been a hoot. Am I superstitious for believing that they were looking out for me, protecting me somehow; mostly from myself. Or is this actually how it is? Over the years they have been my constant companion. They may well be more distant when things are going great, or perhaps I just don’t notice them with the hustle and bustle of a life well lived? And in the small hours, when overwhelm threatens I never have to wait long for a shriek of solidarity. Yes, a shriek. Not all owls hoot!

Not only do they give me an anchor when life is spinning out of control, but there seems to be more to it. They appear to be on hand to say “yes, N, you’re on the right path. You’re exactly where you need to be right now.”

I have a friend, he’s made some questionable life choices.

He has been in trouble regarding them, has done his time. With his permission, I may share his story with you one day. I have some friends who question my desire to remain friends with this man, but when he shared his story with me there was something that told me the trust I had felt for him was right. The direction of our friendship changed, but it didn’t end. His attempt at escaping the misery he’d inflicted on those he loved was thwarted by owls. An overdose, and vodka followed by a lay down in the woods would have been curtains, but he saw an owl fly overhead and turned to watch it. His rolling over as it flew meant that he was able to continue, to pay his dues and to start over again.

Over the last few weeks I’ve spent a lot of time away from home.

Two camping trips, and one visit to a holiday park. Each trip came with it’s own night-time friend. It is the middle trip that caused the most excitement for me. The first night was so quiet, except for the regular calls of an owl in a tree over our camp. The second night saw some late arrivals, and the calls, which had been going since dusk, stopped. As my fire burned down the other campers bedded down for the night. It was then I heard a swoop, a whooshing of air around large wings. Looking up there was an owl gracefully landing on a branch. An inky black owl shaped lump silhouetted against a moonlit sky. I managed to get a picture, just. Thanking the bird quietly, I popped my phone away and watched a while longer until it took flight and went hunting.

That night I felt like something very special had happened.

Home again, and child free, I took myself out for a late evening run, keen to enjoy the shorter evenings. Passing through the woods, with my body torch illuminating the path ahead, I felt that change in air pressure again, heard that familiar swoop and… Within touching distance an owl crossed my torches beam. I’m not sure which of us was most surprised, but that wild creature wouldn’t have attached any special significance to our encounter. Unlike me, I was overjoyed!

Like I said earlier, I’ve never considered that Owls might be my spirit animal. It’s just that they were always around, a permanent fixture even in unlikely locations. When I saw the prompt I decided to go in search of an online quiz. What else was I going to do?! Answering the questions without understanding or bias, the results came in… My spirit animal, according to the quiz, is indeed an Owl.

Now for a strange coincidence.

Reading up on the ideas of spirit animals further, I’ve learnt that much of what I value in myself marries up with the meaning of having an owl totem. A desire to understand people and events on a deeper level- be that curiosity or nosiness, who knows?- This ties in with the wisdom my friends inform me that I have. I also like to explore unknown territories, push my own boundaries, find out what makes myself, and others tick. As a deeply sensitive person who doesn’t (often) act on emotion, I could do with being a little kinder at times. Less hard on myself and others. Learning to trust my intuition has been such a big step over the last five years, but I still don’t always get it right.

There is one website which sums up when I should call on my spirit animal.

It seems to tie in with when there have been owls around:

Call on your Owl Spirit Animal when:

You are going through tough or confusing times.

The owl spirit animal will give you the clarity and the direction that you need to make sense of things. Life can be happy and beautiful one moment, and devastating and dark the next.

But the message that you should always carry with you is that life is beautiful. You should always be ready to move where life takes you.

You need discernment and good judgment.

As long as you’re living, you will be making tough choices and huge decisions. The owl spirit animal wants you turn to the lessons that it brings to guide you accordingly.

You need guidance and support.

Read more at:

Brought up in a mainly Christian household, my maternal grandmother had a faith that was unwaivering through her 90+ years. And though I don’t have believe in structured religion I consider myself spiritual. I’ve always believed in nature, and kindness. My paternal grandmother was from a traditional gypsy family, my dad was keen for me to share his history. I was that child who was familiar with the bible as well as tarot and palm reading.

When I have the opportunity I still love a reading, made easier when a friend offers three card readings.

I love the way that a reading encourages me to think from within. It doesn’t tell me answers or what I should do. In fact, if it did I doubt very much I would be interested in hearing them!! Much like a reading, the idea of having a spirit animal gives me a chance to reflect on parts of myself that I may not have been aware of.

There are some who will say that whichever animal you get in the results, you’ll find something to correlate.

I have no doubt that this is true, but the fact remains. I answered the quiz questions recently without bias, I had no idea what they mean. And this species of bird has been my constant companion for (doing the maths) 21 years. Maybe I would have found relevant information in having a polar bear for my spirit animal, or a butterfly, or… Who knows! What I do know is that owls have been a persistent partner and light in the dark. One that has been there when I’ve needed to not be alone with my thoughts. It’s also helped me trust my intuition when that faith has waivered.

Yes, it seems that they have seen me right. So far, at least!

Wicked Wednesday


If you’ve enjoyed reading about My constant companion perhaps you’ll enjoy some further reading that is also not kinky? Give You are never too old to set a new goal a try.


  1. This gave me goosebumps, the way owls have been with you for so long, and then also turned out to be your spirit animal. That is just so special. Thank you for sharing, N!
    ~ Marie xox

    1. Marie, I’d not have done the quiz but for the WW prompt. Thank you for being patient with my tardy writing! N xx

  2. This post was worth the wait. I was very fascinated by your story itself. But it is also presented very qualitatively (I could not find another word, but it was not only interesting to read, but also easy).

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