A Huge Garm Review For Laphwing

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This girl has goals. Lots of goals. But the one that I am most focussed on currently is stretching. My aim: to take D’s fist by Christmas. No mean feat due to his hand being almost one and a half times the circumference of mine. I’m getting there, using a mix of personal favourite toys and random, often absurd insertibles. What I needed to find was a huge dildo (spoiler: the Garm is shown above!) Something big, but not too big. And something different to what I already have in my collection.

Just as I was investigating various options, finding them all coming up too small, too big or too expensive, guess who reached out to see if I’d like to collaborate with them on a review?

The team at Laphwing, that’s who! And the options they sent for me to choose from were right up there with other girthy additions I’d been looking at. And, oh my goodness, there were some beautiful specimens.

Ultimately, I didn’t just go for a huge dildo.

I went for the girthiest, slit-splitting dildo I could find. (Almost. But more on that later!)

I chose the Garm, a huge dildo (with realistic look and grain design.) I chose for the knot, which measure a whopping 10.3″ at its widest point. It wasn’t until I shared with D, that my puzzle over how realistic it is (I’ve not seen a penis like that) was solved when he asked if I was into puppy play. Then I looked back at the website where it clearly statesthe Garm is a “giant monster dildo with high simulation dog glans and big reddish knot.”

I took to the internet, to see how accurate their claim was. Immediately wished I hadn’t, but I managed to get past the Russian porn thumbnails and found the above illustration. Going by that, the Garm dildo really is a huge version of the Canine illustration.

My first Laphwing delivery.

As promised on their website, packaging was discreet. The weighty parcel, closely wrapped in a grey postage bag, could have been all manner of things. In fact, it came so quickly I didn’t realise what it was. Upon opening the wrapping I pulled out the box and opened it to reveal the contents. In its hygienically sealed bag, the Garm was indeed huge, a truly hefty silicone dildo.

Once out of the bag, the detailing of veins is really visible. The silicone is sleek and shiny, and a bit of a dust magnet. But as it is recommended we wash before and after use, the odd bit of dust is not a deal breaker for me.

The Garm boasts a suction cup base, but you might be wondering how that would work with a huge dildo such as this. Having ridden it on a flat base, without losing grip, I was keen to see how it stood up to itself on the bathroom wall. And to me trying to pull it from the tiles.

There was a slight sag in the shaft when I let it drop. It is a firm silicon toy, weighting 784g, but not a rigid one. The base held firm.

Next I grabbed the tip and pulled. No, I’m not living out some suppressed CBT fantasy. Just trying to see how suction-y the cup is. Turns out it is VERY grippy, I couldn’t pull it off. Not even with two once I’d put the camera down. I’m grateful for this level of suction, it means that I can ride Garm, work on accepting the knot, without getting tired arms or exacerbating an injury.

Being silicone you will need to use a water-based lubricant. Clean up is simple too. If you have a dishwasher it can go straight in, or wash off in warm soapy water and spray with an anti-bac toy cleaner. Make sure it is clean and dry before storing it however you choose.

How huge is the Garm dildo?

The Garm comes in two sizes. Going by the measurements on the website I decided the girth of the knot was no bigger in the extra large, but the shaft was longer. My theory: I’d stand more chance of working my way over the knot of the large.

It was sound theory. And I did stand a greater chance of fitting it all in. However, the insertible length above the knot measures six and a half inches. Which is where I bottom out vaginally. So you will just have to know that I found the knot to be pleasantly stimulating when I ground on it at full depth. Not quite the stretch I’d been imagining, but I hadn’t considered I could rub myself that way either. The grinding coupled with riding the veiny shaft gave my brain some intense sensory feedback.

I know that anally, that’s an easily manageable length. However, the girth is a stretch too far for me at the moment. However, this girl has hopes and dreams so… Perhaps watch this space?

(I can quite happily see myself buying the Sytry as an intermediate toy while I ease round the back. Seems I’m all about the knots at the moment.)

Before my fingers start writing cheques my body can’t cash, here is a thought… If, like me, you struggle to visualise sizes from the numbers on a page, this side by side comparison might help.

Should you buy the huge, canine-cock Garm?

I have thoroughly enjoyed testing out the Garm for Laphwing, of their huge dildo selection this was definitely the right choice for me. But is it the right choice for you?

While I was blissfully unaware that this was modelled on a dogs penis, the idea of using a dildo shaped in that realistic way doesn’t offend me. I’m more about the size and texture than visualising roleplaying sex with a dog. My brain isn’t very suggestible after all. (Though I have recently read a story where this dildo would really add to the mortification of the heroine in one chapter, so… I should never say never because that chapter was hot!!) If the idea of a dog dildo feels wrong to you then I would suggest avoiding the Garm altogether. But if you love the taboo fantasy of being including giant dog cocks in your play, the Garm is an exciting and is, at $60, an affordable option.

Size wise, the shaft pushes and stretches my inner walls. I can take my own fist, and while this isn’t as girthy at its widest point, the consistent width pushes my buttons all the way in. As my arm vs Garm comparison photo demonstrates, along with the images taken from the Laphwing site, the Garm is for a more experienced player. If you are new to stretching I feel the large Garm isn’t too huge a dildo for stepping up your practise. However, do be mindful to take your time, use plenty of lube and be patient. Even for someone who has been enjoying the stretch on and off for nine years, the large is a challenge for me to work around.

Which is just how I like my toys!

If you’d like to get your paws on a huge Garm dildo (or even an extra huge one) then pop over to Laphwing where you can find them for $60 and $80 respectively.

Garm made me feel Mmmmm so I’m linking up to Mmm Mondays Meme. Click on the button to see what everyone else has been saying Mmm about this week, and follow this trial to see my past Mmmmms. Please do drop a comment below with what has made you say Mmm this week, or what you hope will make you say so next monday.