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Shortly before Christmas last year I was contacted by a new toy company. The team at Big Shocked asked if I would be interested in reviewing one of their products and, when I responded enthusiastically, asked me to choose from their site.
I skipped off to their website with wild enthusiasm, if you’ve not seen their toys before I’d encourage you to go and see their wide range of dildos and masturbators, designed to help you make any fantasy come true. While I instantly knew which colourway I would choose (keep reading to see) the wide array of insertables made for a very confused barefoot. Fortunately I was off for a cuppa with LovelyL and together we picked apart the website, she helping me narrow it down to one which would truly work for me.
My list of wants were girth, a new texture and not life-like.
The last stipulation meant I could rule out the realistic ones- whether human or animal. Which left me with the Fantasy range, and the Monster range. According to the stats, the monster range were mostly narrower than fantasy, but I needed to check my eyes aren’t bigger than my chosen orifice. The easiest way for me to do this is with the circumference of my hand, which is the largest object which has entered me entirely.
Now then, whoever said that high school maths would have no practical application in the adult world was lying! Throughout the website girth is measured as diameter, but the measurement around my hand needed to be equal to, or greater than, the circumference. I got my calculator out.
If you’re not familiar with the sum please take a look below, the pi symbol is available on all calculators I’ve seen, just not on my keyboard! I wish sex toy manufacturers would make it standard for both measurements to be on products, but until then I’ll keep my textbook maths at hand. In this case, quite literally.
Circumference of circle = π x Diameter of circlePiday.org
As luck would have it there were only two which more or less matched the circumference of my hand. Both had great texture, but where one was short and stubby, the other was slightly more tapered with a bulbous end, and gentle texture which was different to any other toy in my ever growing collection.
This was the one, the Jormangund in Graffiti.
To my eyes the Jormangund looked almost robotic, like a toy from the rise of the machines. It’s only while writing this review that I have taken to google to discover the meaning of this word. The closest I can get is Jormungand from Norse mythology, son of Loki.
Jormungand (pronounced “YOUR-mun-gand;” Old Norse Jörmungandr, “Great Beast”), also called the “Midgard Serpent,” is a snake or dragon who lives in the ocean that surrounds Midgard, the visible world. So enormous is he that his body forms a circle around the entirety of Midgard. He’s one of the three children of Loki and the giantess Angrboda, along with Hel and Fenrir.Jormungand – Norse Mythology for Smart People (norse-mythology.org)
Robot or sea serpent, it matters not, this is the one for me! I fired off an email, before my brain could talk me out of it. Something smaller, easier to manage was not on my agenda. I wanted to immerse myself in the tension, the stretch, the build…
As it happened, I didn’t have long to wait.
Big Shocked ship internationally which is always a positive. But with the current situation parcels sometimes feel like they take an eternity, especially when there is a much anticipated delivery in the offing. The tracking number and follow up information was really exciting- yes I’m that geek! Seeing each of the international stops on its journey. This fantasy dildo was living my fantasy life, hopping on planes, before being serviced at the depot and manhandled by my local delivery experts. When the driver handed it to me I noted it was simply packaged in a grey postal bag. Very fortunate as my children were home and wanted to know what was in the parcel.
What was the big shocked meaning? When would I find out?
Naturally I waited for the children to be in bed before I ripped open the package. The box inside was a little dinged on the corners but it had a long journey and in the flimsy packaging that is to be expected. The dildo itself was nestled in a sealed bag, tucked inside the box. I like this style of delivery, the less plastic waste the better in my opinion. And a bag is my preferred storage solution as they take up less room.
On the package the toy is described as an anal dildo, for an “Extreme Experience”. Something I hadn’t imagined when choosing as I just wanted to feel the stretch in my greedy pussy. For the purposes of my experiments I think it’s fair to say I’m not trained to receive this in my ass. My eyes tell me that I could work up to it, my backside reminds me that it is not the right time. Nope, we would stick to the plan…
Maybe one day I’ll update the review with anal explorations but not today!
The body-safe platinum silicon was smooth to the touch, not grainy like some toys can be. There was a slight tackiness to the surface, but a thorough wash and dousing in cornstarch removed this. Washing again the shine was revived, but not the tacky sensation. Time to sit back and take stock. I love admiring it from every angle, the pattern in the colours make me smile. And while I do own a number of large toys there is something about the textured ridges seemingly cut out of the smooth surface. It is big, certainly, but knowing my measurements it isn’t intimidating.
Ok, maybe it is a little bit…
Standing at 8.07inches tall, with an insertible length of 7.28 inches, it is quite an imposing sight. Wrapping it in my hand I notice that, at it’s widest point I can’t wrap my hand around the shaft. Taking my left hand into my right I realise that they are, indeed the same girth. Of course, there is flex and movement in a fist, but I took great comfort knowing the two matched up on paper.
It weighs in at 600g which, for such a vast hunk of silicon, seems quite reasonable. I recently reviewed a wand which weighed in at 647g. Although they are completely different propositions, it’s worth noting that the Big shocked Jormangund is not only 47g lighter, but it has a strong suction base which held tight for long enough to satisfy me. And as it has a wide base it is also rideable, so if you don’t have an appropriate surface to stick it to, or strong arms to hold it aloft, you can still get a lot of pleasure from this one.
With larger toys comes a responsibility to those sensitive areas to warm up thoroughly. I’m a fan of the stretch, but only when careful steps are taken to ensure it is comfortable. I categorically do not wish to be ripped or damaged. So I start with a slow build up of pleasure. My hitachi wand makes an appearance, as do a couple of smaller toys, one vibrator and another intermediate dildo. Satisfied with my prep I hoist the Jormangund into position and prepare for vaginal annihilation. Actually, hoist is the wrong word. What is the right big shocked word choice for lifting the heavy object?
Raising it into position I ensured I was well lubed up.
Yes, I’d started the natural process, but being slick with a water-based lube, inside and out, means even more pleasure. Even so, my body put up some resistance. Was the head too big or was I already too swollen from anticipation? Would I manage to accept this toy into my hot, needy insides? I think we all know that I value my tenacity.
Failure was never an option!
Slowly and surely I took the Jormangund into me, working it in and out, in and out. Gently delving in, pulling out and slowly stretching some more. Once I had it at full depth I upped the pace. As this is a fairly weighty appendage and while my insides are strong, my body in general is weak post-covid. I could feel my arm tiring relatively quickly. I could feel the pleasure building to an inevitable climax and would have been frustrated to stop too soon. Touching the wand to my clit I fell off the cliff within seconds. Being stretched and deeply filled is an incredibly powerful experience for me. Adding in the intensity of clitoral stimulation there could be no turning back.
Normally, my muscles expel anything inside when I orgasm as powerfully as this, but not on this occasion. Was it wedged in there, stuck forever? Nope, I easily managed to removed this as soon as I was ready. I believe the grooves in the shaft gave my muscles something to work over quite thoroughly while they gripped in the throes of passion. It wasn’t just first time luck or enthusiasm. I’ve enjoyed this fantasy dildo on a number of occasions now. Not once has my body successfully expelled it as I pulse and throb around it.
Would I recommend the Big Shocked experience?
While I’ve long considered myself a size queen and a toy lover, I am relatively new to the world of fantasy dildos. I was certainly not disappointed in the Jormangund. It is large and heavy, brightly coloured and beautifully textured. I enjoyed working with the company too, they were quick in their communication and swift in dispatch and delivery, even though this toy came all the way from China. I’m certain that if I was a paying customer they would be attentive to my needs.
If, like me, you are new to unrealistic sex toys, and are looking for a wallet friendly starting point then I can wholeheartedly recommend bigshocked.com review products asides. The Jormangund costs $52.99 (at the time of writing) and the large, good quality, body safe toys don’t seem to venture far past this price point. You can receive 20% discount off of any purchase through BigShocked by using this code: BS20
Big Shocked: Reviewing Jormangund is my most recent addition to my Product Reviews section. Do you have a product you’d like me to test out for you? Please do get in touch.
From the story of how the barefoot sub became the woman she is today, to toy reviews, with a hefty dose of contemplation, a sprinkling of erotica and a LOT of nudity in between, you can be sure to find something to tickle your fancy at A Leap Of Faith.
What a thing of beauty!!!
It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?
It’s so pretty! Also, I love when a toy review has me saving my pennies.
Especially love that this particular toy is multicolored and has a suction cup (most important quality for solo play IMO)
Sounds like a great company, I’ll be sure to check them out.
Wow it is very pretty – colour wise and a bit W I D E lol – looks fun and a fab review
Haha, that’s one word for it! It is fun to play with, but not as fun when you plonk it down on a table in front of a friend during a play date. #innersadist
It was a wonderful journey into a world of pleasure and exploration. And you, as always, are not looking for easy ways 🙂
Bravo. This is not a review, it’s just some kind of adventure. That’s what happens when a creative person gets down to business.
Hehe, oh thank you Mark! Shouldn’t explorations always be an adventure? (My next review has definitely been an exciting journey, stay tuned!)