Wish list showing on a page of an open notebook.

Wish List Dreaming: Affordable Fuk Machines.

Wish list showing on a page of an open notebook.

Last week I had the good fortune to review a product type that’s been on my wish list for a while. The success I enjoyed with this glow-in-the-dark tentacle got me to thinking about other items on that list. Of course, most of those items are not wild stabs in the dark. All of the other un-owned desires are added to the list because I’ve tried and enjoyed one belonging to a friend. I know they will hit the spot and so I’d love one of my own.

A fucking machine is right up there on my small but perfectly curated wish list.

It has been since I first learnt of their existence. Obviously it wouldn’t have had a place in my marriage, so it was an idea relegated to pure fantasy. Until one day in 2016 I attended a club for the first time, accepting a challenge from MsD. To go up on stage and put myself on display with her machine doing its magic between my legs. A former Domme herself she had all the equipment, and the knowledge on how to share it to the fullest satisfaction. From this night onward I knew that I would need to invest in one at some point.

But how can I justify the cost of buying one of my own?

Initial research told me that I’d need to spend at least ¬£450 for the machine- plus dildos that have the correct attachment. An outlay that is beyond any reasonable justification. For me, at least. I put the idea to bed. Instead took to the beds of friends who own these wonderful pieces of kit. My own dreams of ownership put by the wayside. For now.

Swing forward to a couple of months ago. My notification pinged, a message from May, asking for my thoughts on fucking machines. The topic for a post she was writing. My mind swung back round to the last time I’d been on the end of one, revelling in the relentlessness of it all. My craving returned with abundance and I took to the internet, once more looking for my dream sexual machines.

Will I be able to tick this off my wish list after all?

The answer to that is… Maybe.

It soon became obvious to me that I’d missed something vital in my research. That there are sites out there who have more wallet friendly options. If you’d told me last year that I could own a fucking machine of my very own I wouldn’t have believed you. Had you told me that for less than $150 I could have six dildos too I’d have wondered what the catch was!

Header shows an item from my wish list. A fucking machine with six dildo attachments and extending rods.

My sceptical nature and curious mind worked in tandem to find as many reasons as possible not to take the leap. Aside from the usual concerns on storage and noise, I found two possible concerns that would be specific to this particular option..

The attachment materials and the suction pads made me pause for thought.

I clicked on the first bundle link and noticed that the toys were a combination of some silicone, and some clear crystal. My preference is for body safe silicone, which is lucky as the larger attachments are made from this. And we all know I’m a fan of going big!

The silicone attachments would be quick and easy to sterilise, but what about the rest of the insertable toys? These ones are described as TPE in the details. While not toxic it is a porous material, one that it isn’t possible to sanitise fully. With this in mind I would always use a condom for playtimes with equipment made using this material. Not just for anal play or casual partners, but to minimise the risk of giving future me thrush. Seeing as all of my experiences of receiving from an f-machine have been sheathed, I don’t think that’s a concern I need to worry about.

So, that’s the first problem sorted. What about the second issue?

I trawled through my memory bank. A friend had a toy not dissimilar to this, purchased from a site I wouldn’t associate with sex toys. I remember being curious but thinking it would fall short of my previous experiences. But she loved it and her partner whole heartedly agreed with her. And now, here I was, wondering about her on that beast of a mechanised fuck.

Those suction pads…

I knew how much work would be required of them, holding a fucking machine in place. If they weren’t up to the job then I’d need to think again. I asked my friend if she’d mind telling me about them. Was their suction strong enough to match her powerful orgasms- without her partner holding the machine? Going one better, she showed me how strong they are. She sent me a video where she put those pads through their paces- that was totally what I was watching… The pads stood up to the assault spectacularly well. Her machine sitting firmly in position while she peeled herself off the ceiling.

My arguments against investing in a Fuk Machine are being blown out of the water!

Perhaps it’s time to stop dreaming and add this wish list item to my collection.


  1. I bought my F machine mini from the usedsextoys subreddit. Got it for about half the retail price. I also bought a suction pad but it wasn’t up to the task so I got some hose clamps from amazon and used those to connect the mount for the f machine directly to my bed frame in such a way that when it’s folded downwards it’s out of sight behind the sofa and when it’s folded up, it’s in the perfect position to pop the f machine on. then I just loop an elastic strap around the mount and the top horizontal of my bed frame a few times and it’s ready for action.

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