Threesome: The Clue Is In The Name!

Over the years I’ve been fortunate enough to enjoy several (cough-cough) sexual adventures; solo, one-on-one and group play. For the most part, particularly in the kink community, “others” have been respectful, and I’ve had very few people unexpectedly push their luck. But there is one liaison- an FFM threesome- which, four years later, still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

This is the time I joined a couple for a hot threesome, and things didn’t add up.

I’d been chatting to a couple for a while, or at least the male half. He was her dominant and he wanted to help her explore her bi side a little more- with her consent. While I waited for the permission I needed to meet with them we had group discussions, all three of us, and discussed likes, limits and everything in between. Around the time I met LatexC again, I was granted a generous amount of freedom, tasked to scratch some itches… When I received the opportunity to play, the couple and I made a plan. A visit for the following week was put in the diary.

Upon arrival they seemed lovely, friendly. He was brash by nature, the flip side to her shy smile. After our cup of tea- because it’s nice to settle in, right? – we started to make our way upstairs. But not before there was a knock at the door. I was surprised to see a familiar face smiling through their kitchen window. It was a man I’d met for an MFM threesome previously. I knew he knew them, but I hadn’t realised they were friendly enough for him to just drop by unannounced.

There was an awkward exchange as we greeted each other.

The man of the house didn’t seem the least bit surprised to see him, instead stating “you’re just in time, we were on our way upstairs.” It dawned on me that this wasn’t a chance visit, they had planned for this other man to turn up. I wasn’t happy! The clue is in the name, three means… three. Not four.

Clearly this wouldn’t be the erotic threesome I thought we’d planned.

I don’t believe that I articulated my thoughts well at the time, but it was made abundantly clear that surprise additions to planned meets were not OK for me. On this occasion, however, I was able to do some very quick planning. I had tasks to complete, and this surprise addition could actually be helpful for me. I was on an edging fortnight so no orgasms for me, which meant a very clear boundary was laid down with all three of them. Plus, I really wanted to enjoy her, and see how my ability to force orgasms from playthings was coming along. (It turned out my skills were progressing quite nicely!)

So, this situation played to my needs. I had a positive history with the other guest and felt safe with the couple- being bigger than them both, and with enough rope and dildoes in my bag to turn any situation to my advantage. I’m also confident enough in my own boundaries to walk away had the scene that was to unfold not suited me.

But it still should never have happened.

I appreciate that for him and his submissive, she enjoys the element of surprise. That’s great. Amazing! I’m not going to kink shame anyone. In fact, if it were my Sir organising this then I would enjoy that too. But I want to stress that this should only happen within an established, trusting relationship. Where all people involved have agreed to this. Did the male half of this couple know me well enough to make this call. No, no he did not. Yes, I’d met the plus one previously, but did I have permission or, more importantly, the desire to meet with him again? That is not a decision you should ever make on behalf of someone who is effectively a stranger. ESPECIALLY if you haven’t discussed it in advance.

Some people might think this is just a bit of harmless fun.

If this is you, please stop and think about that for a while. Imagine yourself as a single woman arriving at a stranger’s home for some pre-planned, negotiated fun. Please understand, that is a vulnerable position to be in. Do you want your guests to feel off balance and ill at ease? Unexpected arrivals could be fine, or… they may cause the guest to get upset. If she can verbalise that, great! But what if she can’t? What if she feels like she must go through with the play because she wants to be accepted by her new friends? Or worse, doesn’t feel safe to say no? Is that consent? Maybe, but is it the kind of enthusiastic and informed consent which drips with erotic tension? No, no it’s not.

Like I said, I stayed. But that decision came of my own free will, from a place of strength and understanding what I wanted to get out of my day. Had even the slightest requirement in my world been different I would have walked away. For those of you unsure, it is not OK to surprise strangers with additional people for meets.

That erotic threesome could end up being a nightmare more-some for somebody.

Threesome: Hot or Not? Is being shared to Wicked Wednesday and Monochromerotic. It also continues the story behind the blog. You can wait for the next instalment, or start at the beginning with this post: Feelings That Come Back Are Feelings That Never Really Went Away.