Lingerie: revitalise your soul header, shows woman in a dyptich image wearing lingerie in reflection. In black and white.

Lingerie To Revitalise Your Soul

Before the new year I told you about a picture task in the post Return Of Slut’s Buddy. I shared about the way exposing myself with friends helped me to realise that ALL breasts are beautiful. Not just my friends breasts, but that this also extended to me. Regaining some of the confidence I’d lost meant that I soon felt the need to revitalise my lingerie wardrobe and get new bras.

Well, I’d never really had any lingerie so revitalise is the wrong word.

I’d never really owned any sexy bras. Shocking, I know… When you see what I wear now. My breasts had always been on the smaller side, they didn’t blossom until… ever, really. Even when I was brave enough to get fitted the store didn’t stock my size. And another shop I tried informed me that bras weren’t made in that size. For the record, I was 38AAA for a very long time. Young teen trainer bras, or what I would now call crop tops, were my only option.

People would tell me that I was “so lucky not to need bras” but, they just didn’t understand. I never felt enough. There was so much shame around the fact I was still a girl physically. My womanly physique was absent, along with my femininity. I mean, I was always tinkering with bikes or covered in mud. Check out the image in this post if you don’t believe me.

I remember the first bra I owned that made me feel like a woman. It was wine red, satin and trimmed in lace. It was a 38B, and flapped around my tiny mounds. When I got my nipple pierced it bled profusely and ruined the fabric so I discarded it not long after.

My little breasts didn’t stop my sexual explorations, I had other strengths after all!

And my lack of breasts never stopped me finding lovers. I had a cracking arse and oodles of confidence around my sexual self. I’m told that’s an attractive feature in and of itself.

P did actually go to some effort to find me bras that fit. We discovered an online shop called Dainty Lady that made them in my size. It soon became apparent that they only made my bras in black or white, and they were all padded. I wanted unpadded and colourful, but not sports bras, grrr. His response was that they would fit and make my boobs look more like a woman’s. That’s how I became the owner of three white numbers. However, even these gaped around me.

By the time I met Sir I was genuinely shocked when he shared that I had lovely breasts. He knew I felt nothing but ambivalence towards them. They were useless to me, didn’t feed my babies and gave my husband more opportunity for (non-consensual) humiliation. They were just kind of there. But now, someone- not “someone”, Sir- thought they were lovely. I trusted him, but I wasn’t ready to accept his words. Good job he’s a patient and clever man, almost four years later he’d not forgotten, and had finally helped me see what he had known all along.

And that brings me back to todays story!

Of how my task called for me to come up with something to please him, and be inventive, surprise him. Which is how I found myself in the fitting room of my local department store. Standing tall (and topless) with all the conviction of a woman who has realised what she deserves. Or more to the point, what her breasts deserve. A little TLC.

When I emerged from the store an hour later I was the proud owner of a bright blue bra and knicker set, and clutched the card with my measurements like valuable treasure. The next day I went to a local branch of Anne Summers and caressed the lingerie. Finally purchasing what I had decided to be the ultimate set for seduction. Wine red, just like my first attempt almost twenty years prior.

I kept them just for me (and Sir) for a while, it took a short time to get used to being that woman. To grow into this new confidence. Yes, these were padded, but they were sexy and they fitted me. And I felt… different. More adult in my sensuality, if that makes sense?

It would take another three years to find my fit, and I know I’ve shared a lot of images along the way. But this is where my love affair with smalls started. A clear turning point in my mindset, finding my confidence, and It hasn’t been smooth sailing, even since this point, but life can be so very different with a little nurturing.

Monochromerotic

I continue my story at the backbone of the blog with a link up to Wicked Wednesday’s prompt “Lost and Found”, #SWAP with Floss’ “Revitalise” and Lingerie images of old, reinvigorated with an edit for Monochromerotic. Check back soon for the next instalment of this story. Or better yet, subscribe in the sidebar for your regular reminder.

10 comments

  1. I am right there with you about developing breasts. It took a long while for my breasts to come where they are now, and up to way into my twenties, I wore a AA cup. One thing I want to do is to finally go to a store where my measurements will be taken, as I am sure the bras I wear are not really the size I should have. Love that you have done that and bought yourself beautiful lingerie! You look lovely!
    ~ Marie xox

    1. If you ever find yourself in my neck of the woods I would happily take you to this little department store. They have such a nice range, and the staff are so friendly. I’m sure I’m due a re-measure. I keep changing shape! N xx

  2. I am also small chested, on;y gaining breast when my thighs and waistline grow with it. It has always been a bane to me, but this:
    “They were useless to me, didn’t feed my babies”

    was the worst of it. I was the third generation to be unable to breast feed. It makes you feel a sort of… incompetence (or it did me) to be unable to do something so ingrained in all living beings…

    Glad you’ve embraced the pretty bras (even if finding one is a pain!). Every woman deserves lingerie she feels like the attractive woman she is in 🙂

    1. I was told for weeks (with number 1) that I just need to stick with it, keep trying. Yeah… number two was a different story.

      Pretty bras are so much easier to find now. Or maybe I just found the pretty within and what I cover me in is just a bonus?

  3. I can absolutely relate to this, I had itty bitty boobs for the longest time and a very up and down shape, no curves in sight and I could never equate that with sexy or womanly in my mind. When I first met my ex-husband I was actually saving for a boob job, but he convinced me I was great as I was and while I never quite agreed I did accept that he was telling the truth. My boobs also never quite got the hang of breastfeeding and I definitely had a lot of feelings around that. I think I was well into my 30’s before I learnt how to enhance my boobs in a way that made me love them. Ironically they they changed again due to lockdown weight and pregnancy, but I’m happy I did find acceptance for them in their small form first. I’m so pleased you are also finding lingerie that feels good, long may this lingerie adventure continue for you 🙁

  4. I did a virtual bra fitting with Curvy Kate during the first full lockdown. I was super sceptical but damn she knew he stuff and the size she measured me at was spot on. I was wearing a 36D but she told me I was a 34FF or a 32G. Turns out depending on the brand I can swap fairly seamlessly between those two sizes. A good bra fitting is everything!

    Molly

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