When I saw the prompt for Wicked Wednesday I knew I needed to take part. I immediately thought of my own personal wilderness. My mind was overgrown for far too long, but now that learnt to co-exist with the weeds that occasionally threaten to overtake me.
When you think of the wilderness where does your mind take you?
There is a world of difference between uninhabited, and uninhabitable. Is it bleak and lonely, or wild and free? Untouchable or just, simply, untouched? I’m deeply attracted to the wilds. I am never as calm as when I’m embraced by nature, held snugly in the wide, open spaces. I run, completely in sync with nature, and the absolute freedom of big, wide skies, rolling hills and shimmering expanses of water warms my soul and strengthens my resolve. It resonates with me in a way I’ve grown to understand and love.
You could say I’ve reframed the way I look at life.
Over the seven years I’ve known Sir my life has changed beyond recognition. I’m still the same woman on the inside, and yet I’m different. My mind has always been a wilderness. But previously it was unihabitable, bleak and lonely. Now, having wandered in the darkness for a long old time, I have discovered my own inner world has been wiped clean- unsullied by the difficulties I faced for so long.
I’m now able to be me, 100%.
Wild, and free to roam within the confines of my mind. Not quite uninhabited, but those who share my headspace do so with very special permissions. My children, Sir, family, close friends. In the same way that I share my time on Dartmoor with people who are special, I also share my emotional bandwidth with those I trust not to overuse, or abuse it.
And when the world is getting too much, and my internal dialogue turns nasty, I take myself off into the wilds, alone and free. It helps! I spend a lot of time exposing myself cheekily for the scavenger hunt, but when I am truly alone it is blissful and restorative to just strip back to nothing (or to my underwear, for safety) and just absorb the energy of the woods/earth/water. This isn’t a kink. Exhibitionism is exciting for me, but nudity in nature, this is peace.
Alone, but not lonely.
Sometimes I’m less alone. When this happens it is usually a Deer, a close friend or, in the above pictures case, a photographer. But that’s it. When I struggle with my own personal wilderness, my mind, nature is all the company this girl needs to bring her back into balance.
There are lots of things that help centre me in my own personal wilderness. There is one person who can hit the reset button, as I shared in this post- My comfort zone.