This may well be a sex blog, but it is also my space for sharing what I like, how I like. Does this make for a consistent thread for you all to follow? Maybe not. But it is a solid look inside the mind of a multi-faceted human being who just-so-happens to be kinky. When I saw the Jetpack prompt, suggesting I share five skills I have, I couldn’t help but smile. Even the vanilla things I’m good at tend to have a footing in my deviant world, even if I haven’t learnt them through kink, they have certainly been embedded in this world.
When writing this post, it soon became clear that I was writing a post-length paragraph for each skill. So I’ve decided to keep things brief and will return to each in turn in due course.
First of my five skills is – I’m definitely good at being me.
I’m a silly so-and-so. Playful and joyful and a bit chaotic at times. But also calm and quirky, lazy and energetic, creative and gentle. I’m a solitary creature who loves the company of friends – when I have the spoons! But while I love their company, I can’t (won’t) change myself to fit their needs. (Been there, done that, got the divorce papers to prove it!)
In my world there are a lot of self-described people pleasers. They are open about the challenges they face through trying to be pleasing, even to their own detriment. Frankly, it sounds exhausting. I like to save my energy for the people and activities I love. This means that I can occasionally wear suspenders, a feather boa and a horses head while dicking around in front of the camera, make myself look like a complete wally!
But damn, don’t I have a lot of fun being that way!
(Thanks to Tree Of Life Photography. for putting up with my outlandish creativity earlier this year)
Honesty is the second of my five skills.
Is this a skill? Or is it a core value? That’s a very good question. I was brought up in a family where honesty was given and expected. I, in turn, am honest with my children. My honesty with them is age-appropriate, but I want them to trust me, and be open with me, so why would I offer them falsehoods and lies? Friends, family, ex-husbands… the lot!
Friends know that they can message me and ask me to tie them up like a Christmas tree. They also know that I will tell them NO if I don’t wish to. (Or that I will tell them “Christmas can do one” and “no I won’t be adding to your [sic] festivities”.)
In third place – I have a lot of love to share!
When I was rifling through my list of skills, I wasn’t entirely sure it counts. But then I looked up the definition of skills. The Collins dictionary says skills are “the knowledge and ability that enables you to do something well.” I’m not sure I always get it right, but then even master craftsmen make mistakes sometimes. Over the last nine years I have had the opportunity to rediscover what love means to me. How I show up with love, the ways I share it with those who truly deserve it (and occasionally those who don’t) is a skill. It would be entirely possible for me to be cynical, sworn off of love and affection. Especially with my propensity for self-dating. But no. Instead I have learnt many different ways to love – friendship, motherhood and even submission to S.
Maybe love is inherent, and the skill has been in giving myself permission to feel? Hmmm… Maybe that needs exploring in the post that will follow?
The fourth entry on my list is that I’m a safe space.
I seem to have a special skill for making people feel at ease. Friends understand I will listen without jumping in and advising. I’ve an ability to hear what they are saying rather than automatically translating with my own experience at the forefront. When they ask my opinion they know I will be honest, but they also know that I will likely not give my opinion.
But what about the waifs and strays that I randomly get chatting to? How many of my friends were people I bumped into at races or writing workshops, or some other random vanilla event? They automatically felt at ease and opened up to me. At a half marathon, one runner shared that he had an alter-ego, Sarah the slut, who only pops out occasionally when he could get away for a business trip. His wife of fourteen years, had absolutely no idea. So how did he know I was a safe space for him? I will never know, but it is a theme.
Last in my list of five skills is I can cook!
Presentation skills are somewhat lacking, but I can definitely cook up a storm in the kitchen. Even if the kitchen is a camping stove nestled between rocks. Cooking for and with people who enjoy food are two of life’s greatest pleasures. SWL and I, for example, spend a lot of time together, cooking in her kitchen is a joy! While we both manage to create delicious meals separately, we make incredible feasts when working together, at our own stations.
When I attended my first munch, Kink and Cake, the advice I received was to have something interesting to talk about. I baked a cake, iced it with neon pink raspberry frosting, and made a great first impression. Would I have slipped in to anonymity but for that cake? Yes, I imagine I would have. And that’s OK. But I didn’t, and now look at me!
More than that though, being able to cook (and host friends) has been a (social) life saver for this kinky minx. As a single mum on a limited income I’m delighted that I can have friends round for “Tie and Dine” nights, “Come get stuffed” afternoons or “Whack and Snack” evenings. (The last has happened, but I have only just come up with the title. May need to christen “Whack and Snack” this weekend! SWL, what do you say?)
Now then, where was I going with this post?
Ah yes, I wanted to touch base with myself, find five skills that I have and am proud of. To top up my bucket of self love. Now I’ve written the post, I can’t help but think I should have written about rope, or impact, or wax or any of the other kinky delights that I have been exploring over the last nine + years.
Before I delete the post through embarrassment (at these weirdly vanilla, kinky words) I need to hit publish. It’s unedited, because it’s a brain dump at risk of being dumped! Before I go though, I’m going to ask you all: What skills do you have that you are proud of? Please do let me know in the comments.
Anyway, I’m going to trot off now. As promised I will return to unpick each of these “skills” with kinks galore in the not too distant future.
My skills in the kitchen make me say Mmmmm, and my honesty sometimes makes my friends say the same, so I’m sharing to Mmm Mondays Meme. Not to mention the awesome photo at the top! Click the lips to see what everyone else is up to this week. Or follow this link to all of my past MmmMondaysMeme posts.
From the story of how the barefoot sub became the woman she is today, to toy reviews, with a hefty dose of contemplation, a sprinkling of erotica and a LOT of nudity in between, you can be sure to find something to tickle your fancy at A Leap Of Faith.