The Rest Is Still Unwritten

The prompt for Revelations this week is the song “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield. I hadn’t listened to this before, but clicked the link and settled in. Musically, it isn’t quite in line with my tastes at the moment, but digging into the lyrics a post began writing itself in my brain. Which is lucky as today is U in my A-Z April 2023 challenge.

As many of you will know, this blog started as a task for Sir. He requested I write the story of how I became the woman I am today. So far I have reached November 2018 in my story, and I’ve been enjoying my memories as I pore over them. I wrote about my writing journey in the post All It Takes Is One Leap Of Faith. The post talks about my relationship with my blog, and interpersonal dynamics too. Ending with the quote:

“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished; that will be the beginning.”

– Louis L’Amour

At the time, this held one meaning for me. Revisiting the post now, I gasped. It is even more relevant to life now.

You see, earlier this year I sent an email that I knew would change everything for me.

An unwritten email that was forming for longer than I dare to admit, even to myself.

But it was important that I did, even if I knew I had to wait until I was comfortable with the expected outcome.

That email ended my relationship with Sir, and though I felt lighter for sending it the absolute devastation I felt after his response, releasing me, was crushing. Somehow I kept up with my commitments on the blog and elsewhere. But I virtually disappeared from Twitter, seeking refuge from those who know me. Leaning into them, grateful that they were there to catch me, comfort me, hold me gently in their arms – WhatsApp hugs on demand when in person ones were impossible.

However, the ending was very much 💕 rather than 💔. I’m not glossing over this permanently, just now is not the time. I’ll write more about this at a later date, probably when I feel fully healed. You know the grief will surge through me when I do – as we all know, grief is not linear – but for now I want to look forward.

I’ve been considering my blog for a long time.

While it started as a task this space has taken on a life of its own and I love it. One friend describes it as my “home of online expression” which makes me chuckle, but also… he’s very right. I don’t do social media well, I find it too fleeting, too busy, I can’t keep up! The blog is a quiet, welcome place to unpack my brain, offload and chunter away to myself. But with my audience gone who would I be writing for? (I also used the posts to communicate with Him) Well, he trained me well in being my own Sir, so, for now, I’m going to be writing for me. Until I figure out who in the world is interested in the meanderings of my soul.

And with so many exciting stories from the interim still unwritten, how can I skip them?

They aren’t all directly involved with my dynamic after all. And I’m incredibly grateful to be writing through a period of his absence, when I was restriction free and living without a plan. In fact, I’ve got fourteen months of stories to share before he reappears early 2020. Plenty of time (given my output of these stories) to heal and approach our tales without the emotional response that could be so difficult now.

So maybe now is a good time to start again. Well, not actually restart the blog, but to evaluate the direction, my audience and where I’d like to see the blog in a few years.

Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.

Instead, I’m going to enjoy following my feet through a new landscape. One where I don’t have my Dominant to hide behind. Last time I held the reins things went awry (story to follow, but here’s a hint) but this time I’m in a better, stronger, more boundaried place.

As Natasha Bedingfield says in Unwritten

Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

My book of Sir may be complete, but the Barefoot Chronicles have barely started. Let’s hope I can guide me to as many fun adventures as he did. (Spoiler? I’m finding opportunities for fun, frolics and finally making a long overdue connection. Not all of these are unwritten.) I’m looking forward to finding out where my feet take me next. In the meantime you might just find me sat under a tree, with a notebook and a flask of tea.

Join me as I fly by the seat of my pants for the A-Z April Blogging Challenge 2023. You can find all of my posts for the month here. And you can also find previous years here. 2019 came first. I skipped 2020. 2021 was a full month of photography themed posts. And 2022 was a sparse collection of Q&A style writing, but there were plenty of boobs!.