Meeting SWL was, as I explained in my previous post, a really good reason not to bail on Master Bigfoot and Juggler. If not letting down my friends, who’d trusted me to look after their event, wasn’t enough. Having agreed to stand in for them a couple of months prior, I felt duty bound to host the munch as I’d promised, in big wobble in my emotional state. They were supportive and assured me that there would be friends around to help me, should I need it. And besides, the hardest part would be the start. By 9pm I could make my excuses, should I need to.
In spite of their reassurance I was still concerned.
The attendees list was surprisingly long, much longer than anticipated for the August holidays. Too early for students, and with tourists not often found at this munch. I noticed that Northern Man would be there. Having rebuffed his advances just 36 hours before I was nervous, really nervous about seeing him. I’m glad I had the excuse of a social with SWL beforehand, to get me there, get me out of my head over the ‘what if’s’. With a solo social as a warm-up, the responsibility I had that evening was manageable. Let me share my evening…
Do you know what a munch is?
Just in case you’ve never been to one, let me tell you a little about munches. Generally they are entirely vanilla affairs, held in pubs or bars. A first step into the kink scene, you turn up in your day-to-day clothing, talk about normal, everyday things, and enjoy the undercurrent of kinky conversations with like-minded folks. If the munch is being held in the middle of a pub discussions will often be hushed. If you’re lucky enough to have an ante room then the conversations will be a little more overt. Being in a vanilla establishment, it would be impolite to be too loud or obvious. Not everyone in attendance would be comfortable having other pub goers knowing they enjoy an alternative lifestyle. And Joe Public can’t consent to hearing all about your BDSM lifestyle and slutty ways.
Some munches are held at dungeons, kink studios or occasionally peoples homes. Here you might be able to enjoy an impact scene, some rope, or other kinky shenanigans. These are play munches and are a lot of fun. But so are the more introductory munches. Check out this article on Bust.com if you’d like a more in depth look at BDSM munches.
Who can attend a munch?
In my experience attendees aren’t vetted. That said, hosts do network about trouble makers and predatory behaviour. Being a beginner friendly route into the kink scene, newcomers likely wouldn’t know anyone to vouch for them. But they are in public places so anyone is welcome. There will be exceptions to this, but it’s rare to find a kinkster banned from a munch. There will often be an advert on Fetlife, but word of mouth and google can be really useful too. To make the table(s) approachable for nervous newcomers (whether new to kink or just this particular munch) a mascot will usually be described in the advert and placed on the table.
The header image shows my friend Bunny with the mascot for the munch she hosts with her partner.
What is a munch hosts duty?
I’ve been attending munches since 2016, so I had two years of semi-regular socialising under my belt. My favourite munch, the one I was guest hosting, had been my favourite from my first visit due to the mobile nature of the hosts. They didn’t sit around waiting for people to come to them. They mingled, both wandering from table to table, chatting at the bar, greeting newbies…
I had learnt to enjoy mingling, meeting new faces, since following their lead, and had met so many amazing people. I’d re-installed kik on my phone, so there was a way for newcomers to contact me and I could send them a face picture, so they knew who to look for.
Duty bound to my munch hosting I set about preparing myself.
SWL left and I ordered a drink- probably a pint of diet coke, but I can’t recall. The first to arrive was someone I hadn’t met before, and they were nervous. Then the seats started to fill and conversation rose all around. I had a message from someone who was too nervous to come in on their own, and mopped up another from the bar who kept glancing over at the group.
With almost thirty people to mingle with I was so happy to see Loki arrive.
It was a busy evening and I think I did a good job fulfilling my duty of hosting the munch. I’d made introductions, set conversations going and slid myself onto tables I’d maybe have been too intimidated to visit. But once we hit nine thirty I was done. Fatigue hit me like a brick.
Playing host felt hard work for this introvert!
I had known it would, but still I was taken by surprise. Loki, on the other hand, was not. Or at least he didn’t seem to be. He took me to the far end of the munch space, guided me in to a chair in the corner, on the far side of the table, and sat down beside me. Thus rendering me off duty, the munch could take care of itself from now on. Of course, people popped over to say hello, crucially though, I wasn’t needed anymore.
He and I caught up on the weeks since I’d last seen him, at NMM. He’d been travelling and shared some amazing photos from his adventures. I told him about Twisted Boudoir, and then about my date- he’d been chatting to Northern Man earlier so I think he already knew some of it. And then I shared my date had left me bereft, amplified my grief for sir and our dynamic. With a big hug given and snot left on his shoulder, conversation turned to my visit to the Scientology church, each expressing our distrust of the ‘religion’.
I kept watch over the munch as the tables cleared.
While I hadn’t needed to stay until the very end there was something comforting about staying. Usually, if I feel duty bound to do something, I work hard to get out of it, but with the munch it was different. I knew how much value I found in attending this safe space. Even though it was just a one off opportunity, I wanted to be present for the whole thing. And making a little nest in the corner, with Loki, meant I could observe while just being on hand.
My experience of guest hosting the munch wasn’t as scary as I’d built it up to be, in my mind. But I didn’t see myself doing so again, instead I looked forward to being able to hide in plain site as an attendee rather than putting myself in that position again.
This is the latest chapter in the story behind the blog. If you’ve not read any before you can dip in and out of the posts or start at the beginning. The next post will be coming soon. Please do subscribe (in the sidebar) if you want to stay up-to-date.
Have you seen Mrs Fever’s post- 43 for 23: 43 Writing Ideas For Blogging In 2023? I love a prompt, and a list, and thoroughly enjoy Mrs Fever’s blog. So what’s a girl to do… Take inspiration from her of course.
This is for prompt 14: Duty.
From the story of how the barefoot sub became the woman she is today, to toy reviews, with a hefty dose of contemplation, a sprinkling of erotica and a LOT of nudity in between, you can be sure to find something to tickle your fancy at A Leap Of Faith.
nicely written.
This is a great introduction to “munching.” 🙂
I hope it inspires nervous readers who want to get out to meet kinksters to start looking for local munches.