A couple of weeks ago I shared my trip to Twisted Boudoir, where Dr Lovelace had taken many photos, and then Northern Man tied me up and took MORE pictures. The header image is the tie from that evening. It is one of a number that he sent on the Sunday after the event. Our conversation continued after the last image was shared. He asked if I’d like to go out for dinner with him. He was moving into the area, and we both thought it would be a nice way to get to know each other. The textual excitement built over the next two weeks. Our conversation covering all sorts, from vanilla interests to kinks and we soon discovered we shared interest in a number of things.
The final weekend of his move I happened to be near Northern Man’s old home.
I’d taken a trip to see Trautaruan and CheekyC, for a little housewarming, and was in the area so, instead of him catching the train and me meeting him later, we headed down the motorway together. Like we’d been friends for ages.
We arrived at his new place, dropped the few bits off and then walked in to the city. Each time we crossed the road he’d chivalrously take the kerb side position. The choice of restaurant was up to me and so I chose Indian. (Though I did really fancy one of the big Steak houses we passed, and still hope to get back to one day.) We ate, we laughed, we spoke in riddles about kink while the restaurant buzzed around us. Soon we were on our way, walking along the waterfront until we came to a bar where we could have a night cap before walking back to his.
Our date took me slowly towards the realisation that I wasn’t drawn to him.
He’s a genuinely lovely man and I’m a sucker for a Northern accent so maybe it should have been a GO! I still can’t place my finger on the why, but when you know you know, right? We walked back to his, laughing and talking all the way. With a few drinks inside me I couldn’t drive home so I stayed, as was the original plan.
Noticing the little canes on a folded waterproof sheet I could tell the offer for more was there, but he never pushed things. Instead I chugged some water and climbed, fully clothed, beneath the covers. He soon followed suit, and when his breathing dropped into the steady rhythm of sleep I finally nodded off. His stirring beside me woke me early. The bathroom called and then the day began. We were neither of us the worse for wear and decided to take a stroll for breakfast before I headed home.
It was the end of August, a bank holiday weekend. Relatively quiet for being in a city.
We stumbled across a Scientology church, made the most of our lazy Monday morning by going in to see what the draw was. Turns out that, for both of us, the desire to return was nil, but my memories of the experience are bizarre and unsettling. It was with big grins after shared weirdness that we continued along until we reached our Full English destination.
It was soon time to head home, and I left feeling like I’d made a friend but wasn’t looking to progress. Whether it was a matter of timing or that I felt we were romantically incompatible I wasn’t sure at the time. I was still missing Sir and so maybe it was unfair to go out on a date. Also, it was only my third ever date! I’m still not sure I’m wired correctly for dating. And he was so nice, genuine and sweet. Behaviours that I was, perhaps, mistrustful of… Maybe I still am?
Who knows, all that I know was that as I drove home I cried.
I missed Sir all the more for being so unable to move on. Northern Man wasn’t part of an intentional checking off of options. It just happened that over the course of to months my escapades had just served to heighten my loss. Mr Knickers and his ways were out of sync with mine. The guy who got lost in his own orgasm during our Fuck and Go encounter left me unfulfilled. And Northern Man lit the torch for future friendship but not for romance.
Ultimately it was friendships that I needed. Safe people with big hugs and no need to pressure myself into more. I didn’t have quite the words to explain at the time, I tried but ultimately didn’t communicate clearly enough. Or maybe he wasn’t ready to hear. Or perhaps it’s more likely that he and I have different love languages, an unfortunate mismatch even before we started.
We were both in a pickle at that time, my grief for the dynamic and his stressful move. He needed closeness in his difficulties, I pushed back and required space. The walls of self protection went up quite quickly. It ended up with me being quite rude. He was blocked online and I’d be polite if I saw him at a munch but ultimately avoided him.
I’m pleased to say we cleared the air earlier this year.
You can see the evidence of a rekindled friendship in the post Magpies and Shiny Things. I regret not having the skills to manage my needs in a kinder way at the time. Certainly the way I handled things was less than I would expect of myself now. Kindness (even when delivering a painful truth) is one of the biggest values of my life.
I’m sharing to the final prompt of Wicked Wednesday, crossing off the bingo prompt “Biggest value in your life”. Reflection is a great way to learn what really matters and I’m not sure I’d have known that being kind was so important to me, had I not dropped the ball entirely with my (now) friend- Northern Man.
This is the latest chapter in the story behind the blog. If you’ve not read any before you can dip in and out of the posts or start at the beginning. The next post will be coming soon. Please do subscribe (in the sidebar) if you want to stay up-to-date.
From the story of how the barefoot sub became the woman she is today, to toy reviews, with a hefty dose of contemplation, a sprinkling of erotica and a LOT of nudity in between, you can be sure to find something to tickle your fancy at A Leap Of Faith.
Elle a pris chère elle s’en souviendra pour longtemps à graver jusqu’à sa paire de fesse huuuummmmm ça dû être merveilleux 👀👍
I love how open you are with your experiences and feelings, and one thought that came to mind while reading this is when you’ve found THE one, it’s difficult for anyone else to become anything but friends.
~ Marie xox