Hearts and flowers for TMI Tuesday

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Photo Credit: Dark Lion Photography

1. What are your romantic needs?

My romantic needs are minimal in all honesty. For the most part I get what could be seen as traditional romance from my friends. I miss having someone to cook with, but I have wonderful friends who will happily come round for dinner. Having someone to confide in, to share my joys and sadness, my friends are wonderful for filling that void (if you can call it that?) It could be made a little better if I had naked hugs in bed, and those confidences were in the form of pillow talk, chest hair tickling my nose while wrapped in strong arms. Companionable silences while each enjoying our own reading is something I miss. Conventional romance…. Flowers, if I want some I buy my own. Lingerie, again I buy my own. Chocolates, yes, you guessed it, I buy my own. (Actually, I buy myself nice cheeses instead of chocolates but you get my point)

2. What are your sexual needs?

Sexually I wax and wane with regards to my needs. I’m very skilled at managing my own physical requirements for orgasm, however what I am unable to replicate is the scent and touch of a man. I have friends who would happily be the man to stave off those cravings but I would rather wait until the dynamic is right for me too. My sexuality is mainly submissive, and with a man who can get inside my head the slut comes out to play, if that is what he also likes.

3. Do you agree that marriage was a pragmatic institution and in today’s society traditional marriage is not a need but merely a want?

For some people marriage is very much a need, a place of emotional security and a celebration of love between two families. The married couples tax allowance is also available for couples in a civil partnership, and with a maximum of £238 per year available you would be waiting a long time to recoup your wedding costs via this scheme. Apologies for my cynicism…. Having just celebrated my first Divorce-versary you may be surprised to learn that I would consider marriage in the future, but it would be choice rather than necessity which would lead me to that outcome.

4. Do you find conflict in your romantic relationships exciting?

The definition of conflict is “a serious disagreement or argument”. I do not find this kind of relationship exciting, whether romantic or platonic. That isn’t to say I want to be in constant agreement with those around me, I like healthy debate and differing opinions. This leads to interesting and challenging conversations and often I learn something.

5. During sex are you focused on positions or the quality and connection with your lover?

Quality and connection! I’ve had lovers want to go through a whole list of positions, turning it into some form of prescribed porno. Often the best moves are the least attractive. Saying that there are certain positions that I love to be in, that really get me going. And there are some that flick the off switch. Having the connection means that the lines of communication are open, that those “off” spots can be discussed in advance and avoided, or, if the passion is burning high then those scenarios are short circuited. Either outcome is a win for me.

Bonus: Men, what do you have a hard time talking to your lover(s) about?

Ok, so I’m not a man but I’m going to break the rules a little… Getting my lovers to open up about their feelings is something I struggle with. Something I have learnt over recent months is that there is strength in showing your emotional vulnerability. People who love us can’t support us if we keep it locked away. Personally I think that sharing emotions is a really intimate thing, more so than sex, and while I value a strong Dominant man I like it when they let me into their dark. Trust,strength and soft edges.

February Photofest

 

TMI Tuesday blog

Just one more thing.

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Rope by Angel666jr and location and photo credit to Urbstract Photography.

“It will be fun” he said as he took my hand, encouraging me from the bed.

“You won’t need to get dressed, just stay as you are.” Down the stairs we went, peering through sleepy eyes and feeling the cold blast of fresh morning air as he excitedly bundled me to through door. Camera bag slung over his shoulder, wonky smile caressing his lips and two thermal mugs of tea in the hand not holding mine, he’d left the car engine running when he came to rouse me. “Just get in, you’ll love it once we’re there.”

The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon as we crested a hill and he pulled in to a neglected gateway.

The view was beyond beautiful, and we sat for a moment. Still chilly in my long nightie and bare feet I was surprised when he hopped out of the car and ran round to open my door. “No… No, no, no, no NO!!!” But there was no dissuading him, and I reluctantly stepped from the car, again taking his hand and allowing him to lead me through a gate, under some dense bushes and up a muddy bank until… In front of me there was a derelict cottage, entirely invisible from the road. Bathed in the glow of the rising sun we sat together on the doorstep and watched the day start to unfold before us, I barely noticed the chill air, safe with his arm wrapped around my shoulders and a mug of tea in my hands.

“One more thing before we can go back to the car” he stood up and retrieved his camera bag. “I want you to see inside.” With that he was off, and I was left to follow him through the detritus of the rooms, scattered with the clutter of a life well lived. Stopping in the kitchen I was distracted by the cans and bottles, left on the shelves for nature to retrieve. Use by dates long since passed.

So absorbed I didn’t register him taking my hands behind my back, biding me, restricting me.

As he rounded me I was lifted into position under a beam covered in dusty tea towels. Kissing my neck I melted as he attached the upline to my bindings. Looking me up and down I realised he thought something was missing. Stroking  my legs he lifted my nightie up and away, before taking a rusty blade from the table and slicing the flimsy cotton fabric. As soon as he had free access he gently lifted my knee and bound it to the beam as well, those dark eyes on mine. “Higher?” is the question that fell from his lips though it wasn’t one I had the choice to answer as my planted foot and the beam took up the strain. Next my hair was tied, that tightness on my scalp intensifying the arousal spreading through me.

“One more thing…” his eyes lower now, and I noticed the blade again.

Fear rising, I flushed as he grabbed the cloth covering my breasts. I managed to breathe as I realised he just wanted me exposed. Milky white breasts on show. Whispering that I was his “ethereal beauty” he turned to leave, looking over his shoulder with a smirk (no,THAT smirk) on his lips and humour in his eyes “Don’t go anywhere” and I heard his footsteps echo through the building. In my rope bubble I was daydreaming about the lives that had been lived in this home, the peaceful meanderings of a busy brain which has been bound and set free. It was then that I noticed he had come back. What gave him away wasn’t his footsteps on the crunchy floor. No, it was the sound of his camera, the focus whizzing in the low light. Was it nearly time for breakfast I wondered as my gaze met his through the lens.

“Just one more thing…” As he placed the camera down, his lips met mine and his hand reached for the soft white flesh of my thighs…

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

This week’s prompt for Wicked Wednesday is:

If I was taking an erotic photograph of you, I would ask you to…

February Photofest

Then it hits you so much harder than you thought it would.

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M and I soon settled into a routine of spending the weekends together and an occasional weeknight.

With my children home much of the time and living an hours drive apart our time in each others company was somewhat limited. M had met the boys before, and they thought he was wonderful. On the weekends they were home he would come up on the saturday night and spend the sunday with us, the boys really enjoyed his company too and he was very fond of them and their characters. He didn’t have his own children, and he never tried to behave like a dad to them, but he was a positive male role model for them at a time when that was lacking from their dad, P. I also really appreciated his support when times were challenging with the boys. Someone who knew them but wasn’t directly involved, and wouldn’t tell me that I was doing it all wrong or laugh at me when I found it hard.

And things were very hard at times.

My eldest was waiting for an appointment with the autism diagnosis team. He has always been a wonderful little boy but I had known something was a little bit different from a very early age. Some of his behaviours were particularly difficult to manage, and without a diagnosis support is incredibly hard to come by. Add to that P had convinced my family that I was imagining things and there was no reason for anybody to pay attention to what I was saying. So having those strong arms to wrap me up when the job of being mum was almost overwhelming was just what I needed.

As lovers first, friends second and significant others third there was a strong bond in place already. 

As two quiet souls we enjoyed companionable silence, we also enjoyed heated debate and decent conversations. Cooking meals for each other became almost a competition, we quickly discovered that our book shelves contained some of the same recipe books so would try to better the last offering. Aside form prawns and olives we had very similar taste so it was always going to be a treat whoever cooked. As a single mum with two fussy children I had rarely had the time or inclination to cook a decadent meal for myself, and as a bachelor M had little motivation either. How things changed, along with our waistlines… It was a comfortable situation to be in, but our trousers did not offer the same comfort.

Kink wise I stepped away from the community I had started to engage with.

Not because he asked me to, on the contrary he was very supportive of me getting to munches and events. The problem came with my mindset. I did not get a large amount of child-free time, and it was certainly never something I could plan aside from the occasional weekend. I was also not used to being in a close relationship where I had freedom, where it was taken as given that I had strength and confidence. Yes, I had been owned by sir for almost 2 years, but our dynamic was not one of comfortable silences and gentle walks in the countryside; he had trained me to please him, and empowered me to start becoming a Strong Confident Woman. My brain did not compute and everything was very intense. I can see now the difference between love and attachment but at that point M and I were drowning in each other.

When the opportunities arose to spend time with M, my safe space, I jumped at them.

I was coming to the end of my counselling when we got together, but I had no idea how fragile I still was, how little of my marriage I had worked through, and how angry I was with the world around me. How angry I was with myself… All of these feelings were too raw, too big and too scary to deal with, and my friend and lover M gave me hope that the world wasn’t totally dark. At this point I believed that sir had convinced myself that sir had just wanted to get rid of me because I was a rubbish sub, I knew (without a doubt) that the problems within my marriage were my fault, and that when my children acted up it was a direct reflection of my parenting.

What a weight to be placed on one man’s shoulders?!

Particularly when he had never asked for that responsibility. He had suggested we become monogamous, he loved me as fiercely as I loved him, but it must have been hard going for him. I struggled to believe that he meant what he said, that he was actually enjoying our time together. To the world I was doing well, embracing life and moving forward, but wrapped up in the deep dark embrace of depression my world began to shrink again.

M was my bright star of hope in an otherwise dark sky. 

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Photo by Free Nature Stock on Pexels.com

TMI Tuesday: 22nd May 2018

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

1. If you had a whole week (no work, no kids) to do things with your significant other, what would you do? Whatever he decides is best.

2. What is your idea of a long-term relationship? Long-term doesn’t necessarily equate to time, I have known my friend R for 3 years now, and our irregular liaisons are still just about scratching an itch. Long-term is about a connection which is more than just satisfying the physical needs as they come up, about challenging one another to grow and learn. Sir has been in my head since 2014 and he patiently encourages me to grow though our physical time together has been limited, particularly with an 18 month hiatus. If I had tried to answer this question while I was married I dare say my answer would have been very different!

3. What is a healthy relationship? A healthy relationship for me is based on mutual respect, trust and acceptance. Love can take many forms, but is underpinned by those three things. The Power and control wheel was brought up for discussion in a group I recently attended. It shows so many things that were present in my marriage, which was very much not a healthy relationship. As someone who is deeply aroused by power exchange, male privilege and impact play (even before my vanilla marriage) I have a full understanding of the difference between abusive and healthy (respectful and consensual) relationships.

4. How did you meet your current (or last) lover? I’m busy this week with a task from Sir so the last lover that I saw is someone I met through fabswingers a couple of months back. Also, this is how I met Sir.

5. What is the first thing you do after having sex? That depends very much on who I’ve been having sex with… But on the whole I would probably have a drink first, or offer a drink to the person I have been enjoying! It is thirsty work after all.

Bonus: Do you have any bad habits that you hide from your significant other? You can tell us…or not. I think I must have bad habits, but don’t feel the need to hide them.

Click the link below and see how other people have responded

TMI Tuesday blog

 

The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes.

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MrN pushed me in ways that were new and exciting, and we had some fun times.

From sharing videos and fantasies, to stretching myself to be able to take a patent leather heel, I was exposed to some different kinks and perhaps he was too. Before I met him I had been confused by the idea of a shoe fetish, but experiencing his passion for heels showed me that it was not odd or scary, and could actually be quite erotic. But we were both incredibly busy, and the distance between us, coupled with our vanilla lives, got in the way of our sharing of time with each other.. Ultimately we couldn’t commit to the others’ expectations and we drifted out of the dynamic after about 4 months. There were no bad feelings though and until about 6 months ago we were still in fairly regular contact.

Life is funny though, and my friend M was single again.

While I was with MrN he had given me permission to get my physical needs met with M, who was playing the field, so we had arranged a dirty weekend. Having parted ways with MrN I now had the freedom to do exactly what I wanted, and explore what M wanted too. Since I had met him as a task for Sir, M and I had become good friends. Over the year he had been a source of support, throughout my separation from P and the loss of Sir, and I was so excited to be seeing him again. The date came round quite quickly and I was on my way down to his place, singing along to the music on my car radio.

The year between meetings had provided enough foreplay to ensure fireworks.

And the night was full of unbridled passion. Vanilla, yes, but fulfilling none-the-less. And when we were spent we lay together, curled up in the dark, talking about life, the universe and everything, before falling asleep wrapped up in each other. That was peculiar for me as I am not a snuggly sleeper. When I woke the next morning, alone in a strange house I had a moment of worry. But as my mind ran through the night before my nose picked up the smell of fresh coffee and sizzling bacon. M had got up early and nipped to the shops, and now he was cooking me a breakfast of bacon and poached eggs. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been cooked breakfast for when I woke, and as he came up to the bedroom with a smile, a kiss and cup of tea (though the smell of freshly brewed coffee was welcome I don’t often drink it) I felt truly spoilt.

We spent the rest of the morning exploring each other’s bodies.

Then we went to town, exploring the market, visiting his favourite cafe for lunch, and finding an opulent bakery where we found the most ridiculous cakes for eating with a cup of tea before my drive home. On the walk back to his house I spotted some curious wicker flowers in a charity shop window. I went in and bought a bunch, at 70p each these were a steal… They were not for display though, when I saw them I had immediately thought of my toy box, they looked like vicious little impact play toys.

I had no idea who would be using them on me but they were too good a find to ignore.

I didn’t have long to wait, as when I explained to M he said he would be keen to try them out, both ways. After getting back to his I helped him with a couple of things before we inevitably ended up naked again. This time my vanilla friend presented his back to me and I used the wicker flowers to make his olive skin glow, using both the bloom and the stem. We then swapped and he used them on me. With my lily-white flesh the bloom made me red, and the stem left angry raised welts. Seeing the effect the pain had on me, and spurred on by the welts as they appeared, he was rather turned on by whole situation. Taking full advantage of this excitement I took him in my mouth, enjoying his arousal once more before it was time for a cup of tea and cake.

As soon as our time together started it was over and I was driving home again – a happy girl indeed. 

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