Self Love In The Dark

Self love and love hearts on lingerie as I sprawl on the bed in the dark.
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Can you believe it, February is here! And with it comes a month where I can devote my blog to photography. Of course, there’s nothing stopping me from doing this every month. It is, after all, my space to share what I want, when I want. But there’s something great about a shared goal. Especially when I get to explore a tricky subject for me – self love.

The last two years I’ve split the month into weeks, having a theme for each. Breaking it down into manageable chunks made completion more straight forward, working to seven day blocks. But this year the problem arising in my little world might be figure-out-able with this 28-day meme.

What is this problem? I have forgotten how to love my self.

Over the last five-six years I’ve transformed my body. From a place of poor mental health but high body confidence wrapped up in an unhealthy package I seem to have swung in the exact opposite direction. My mental and physical health are great at the moment but my body confidence, hell my self confidence in general, have taken a battering recently. I’ve always been an advocate of loving what my body can do rather than what it looks like but the healthier I get the more weighting is put on my appearance. By others, not me. I still don’t see myself, rarely recognise the woman in photos. And so when the parts of me that I see as beautiful are not visible or challenged by circumstance, how do I bolster myself?

It seems, I start by kicking my self into touch, wriggling into my love heart lingerie, turning out the lights and examining my curves by the light of a flash.

Each of the pictures I share this month will be a vehicle for me to detect something I like about myself. Mostly they will be of me, sometimes my friends, always with an erotic undertone. (Though I do have a weird sense of the erotic, so you may question my point occasionally.) Will it be a physical attribute? Maybe. But it’s more likely to be something that you can’t see. Because it is these hidden features that I find beautiful, in others as well as myself.

Am I making sense? Possibly not. Hopefully this will become clearer as the month goes on.

While I’m starting the month of enforced self love somewhat in the dark I am looking forward to the journey of self re-discovery. I don’t respond favourably to overly enthusiastic compliments. My self worth needs to be self built. If I rely on others for this then when they are unable to provide I’ll fall short again. And I am, if nothing else, a strong, independent and bloody minded woman. (How on earth do I photograph this???)

I hope I can inspire some of you to look beyond the obvious and find new bits to love about yourself too.

February Photo Fest 2023

Thank you for joining me for February PhotoFest 2023. This is my fourth time joining the month long celebration of erotic and sensual photography. If you’re enjoying it please do go and check out the previous years: 2019 was an incomplete month. I skipped 2020 due to not blogging at the time but 2021 was a joy to plan and complete, in spite of lockdowns. 2022 was a little more relaxed behind the scenes, but jam packed with pictures and memories I love.

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