Humanity was drawn to turmoil and self-destruction as inevitably as the earth was drawn to complete its annual revolution of the sun


I had read about sub frenzy in the early days of my research.

My understanding was that it affected new subs in their early days, wanting to try anything and everything as soon as possible. Under the strict care of Sir I had sidestepped this phenomenon. My hand had been held while I went through that phase in my earliest explorations. Now though, with this big wide world to explore, I had all of the self-confidence to try new things, but lacked a certain amount of self-respect to go with it.

As a result I got myself into some situations which were less than ideal. 

The first risky scenario I found myself in was with a man I met on Alt, having joined after a couple of months without contact with sir. I still recall his handle on there, and I cringe at my naivety now. Or perhaps naivety is the wrong word? Maybe I was hell-bent on self-destruction at this point, choosing to meet with someone who showed signs of being unsafe? There was a lot of sadness and a general feeling of being lost and worthless. Why should I take proper care of myself? No-one would miss me anyway.

Hmmm…. I’m glad I’m not that woman anymore! 

Anyway, I started talking to this man, A, on Alt, later switching to email. In our conversations he seemed quite normal, friendly and kind. We arranged that I would visit his office one friday afternoon, I would travel to him after I finished work at 1.30. It was early summer, and the drive should have taken about 45 minutes. Only there was a crash, and so it took me 2 hours, and then I couldn’t find his office. It was on a dairy farm up a narrow lane outside of a town I knew fairly well.

Not in the town as I had originally thought.

We had discussed a “job interview” type scenario, and I would be in his office while his employees were hard at work in the main office just the other side of the door. Well, I pulled up in my car, and there was just one car in the parking area. ONE. Something wasn’t quite right about that, bearing in  mind I was in the middle of nowhere arriving at a supposedly busy office. But he was at the door, waiting for me. Smiling, friendly, actually he looked as normal as he had seemed on the site. After my long drive I needed to use his toilet, when I came out he offered me a drink and then sent me through to his office while he made my cup of tea. Walking through the main office I looked forward to a nice hot cuppa, barely registering that it was empty. I saw his desk and sat down in the chair in front of it. He appeared with the drinks and it started

“Who told you that you could sit down?”

Oops, I hadn’t been thinking! He made me stand against the wall, turn to face it and lift my skirt above my backside. After a harsh bare-handed spanking (my least favourite technique for a tanned behind) he played with my pussy. I was by this point wondering what the f*ck I was doing there, regretting my hasty meet up. The fear and the spanking had made me wet, and after he shoved his fingers in my mouth to clean my mess off of his hand he unbuckled his belt, sat down and got me to take him in my mouth. Then he wanted me to ride him, in his office chair. As quickly as it started he was finished.

And we sat down on opposite sides of the desk to drink our cups of tea, which were still too hot. 

A was actually a very nice man, and we chatted for about half an hour before I went on my way again, no plans to remain in contact. It was with surprise when he tracked me down on Fetlife a couple of months later I’ve found you little one and I did receive an email from him this Christmas asking how I am and would I like to meet him again.

Eighteen months after a single, brief session…?

I was a silly girl who had gotten off very lightly, all things considered. He didn’t make me do anything I wouldn’t have done anyway, though the experience did make me consider how lucky I was, and how things could have gone so horribly wrong. A mistake, maybe. But a valuable lesson for me. It was the first time I had raised my eyes to the ceiling and asked myself what on earth I was doing, without a smile on my face.

I did not want to do that again…I knew that much.



  1. Sounds like the scenario was hot (as envisioned) but the actual execution came up a bit short. Glad everything worked out okay and you walked away with a lesson learned. ?

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