I Want To Be Found and Appreciated, Not Saved.

It soon became clear that I didn’t need to be saved, just found and appreciated for exactly who I was. I had all the skills already within myself. When he walked into my heart and set up camp this is exactly what Sir started to teach me. “It’s simple, be genuine and try hard.”

He said “You can have this, but you must show me you want it”

As I made my way home after the first time I met him, his words floated around in my head. Different conversations melting into each other, sensations from our evening together dancing over my flesh. I guessed he would have some thinking to do and I looked forward to finding out his decision. I wasn’t expecting an email to be waiting for me when I arrived home. But there it was.

He asked me to tell him how I had found our experiences. Also, what would I be willing to do in exploring my sexuality should he decide to take me on. As P had gone to bed before I got home and I was still too wired for sleep I decided to get going there and then.

I somehow managed to find the words to fit my feelings. 

I knew that I would be safe with him, and aside from the few fixed boundaries I had informed him of I had yet to learn of anything I wouldn’t try. Did I want to delve deeper into these experiences? I had no doubt that he would be the one to hold a candle as I wandered with him, into the darkest recesses of our imaginations. I knew that, at any point, I would be able to stop, but that I just wanted to try my best.

• For me? Yes, without a doubt.
• For him? Absolutely!

He must have been pleased with my responses to the questions he had asked. He decided that he would take me on, to see how things could work; a probationary period if you like. I was happy with that. Life was far from stable at the moment, and it would be a test for me as well as for him. For now though I belonged to sir, and my body writing changed.

I was now to replace “For Sir” with “Property of Sir” on my breasts.

A small difference, but one that made me glow from the inside out. It wasn’t the only thing that happened, he would now begin introducing rules. The first one was I would not be allowed to have sex, or sexual contact with any man other than him. Well, not unless instructed to, or with explicit permission.

The sole exception to this was P, as an early condition of my interaction with sir was that our relationship would not affect my marriage directly. The second rule was that I would not have contact with other dominant men. I queried this, I didn’t understand why not. His explanation made sense, it can be confusing for a new submissive to have many dominant men vying for their attention, especially when there are so many men who like rough sex under the guise of being a dominant.

Also, there is an etiquette in this world that I hadn’t learnt by this point. He’d shown me that he wasn’t the jealous type, or possessive. He helped me to see that while I was learning his way of things it was best this way.

My hair was overdue a chop. At the time I had cropped hair, but wondered what if would like to choose what happened next…

“Yes N, start to grow your hair”

It still raises immense curiosity in me, the emergence of my submissive side. I had known all along that I was deviant. That I had needs beyond those my vanilla husband could provide for, but I could never see a way back to me. I had known what I needed for some time, and I can see now how I began to unfurl.  As sir started to introduce boundaries, it started to feel safer to stretch out a little. I could see where I wasn’t allowed and pushed myself everywhere else. Especially where he asked me to go.

And the next task was a big push.

I was to reach orgasm twice in public, busy places where there was the potential for being spotted. One on the Saturday and one on the Sunday. No mean feat for a mum of two small children! He had told me that he would take everything he had learnt about me and find ways to stretch me within those current desires, and that would be just the beginning.

What a beginning??!!

Tapping into my (not so) secret exhibitionist, seeing what I would achieve, and how I would manage. Fortunately I can be resourceful, and had a number of discreet toys at my disposal. It seemed natural to send him pictures now, partly as evidence to him that I had completed the tasks, but also as proof to myself. Those moments when I looked at the skies with a grin and asked “What on earth am I doing?” were precious to me- the still are- and sometimes I could barely believe that I had completed these exciting and wonderful ideas of his. If I’m honest I also guessed that he would get as much of a thrill out of seeing the pictures as I did sending them, why would he ask me to do these things if he had no interest in seeing the results?

The pictures though…sent without a request…a sure sign of my growing confidence.

I hope you enjoyed reading “I didn’t need to be saved, just found and appreciated.” If you did, please consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee.