TMI Tuesday: 19th June 2018

woman carrying baby at beach during sunset
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

1. What was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still have that same worry or feel the same about it at this minute?

Five years ago I was heavily pregnant with a child I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to love or care for. My first birth was followed by 3 years of not liking my son, and this surprise pregnancy brought back a lot of those feelings of inadequacy and fear. Add onto that P had decided we were going to find out the sex of the baby, and upon discovering we were having another boy repeatedly made the points that he had a wanted a girl, he was deeply unhappy that I was growing a boy and I probably should have had that abortion he had suggested at the start of the pregnancy. (He is a real charmer)

Five years later and my fears have been proven unfounded. I didn’t experience postnatal depression second time round, and though there have been very challenging times I have removed the highly toxic P from my life (as much as possible) and found a strength of character which is proving to be more than good enough for raising two lovely little boys.

2. Do you have a positive or negative body image? What factors contribute to your self body image?
a. advertisements
b. media and social media
c. comments from others
d. introspection and analysis of self

I finally believe I have a positive body image. I see my body for what it is, and I am proud of what my body can do. Over the last five years I have gone from loathing my body to being fairly ambivalent about it. Just in the last year (from my heaviest last October to a healthier weight now) I have come to really appreciate certain parts. My breasts were the last part, with everyone else having the perfect shape or size and mine being, well, different. Following tasks from an exasperated Sir, and some great photos I have realised that when I say “all breasts are beautiful” that can include mine too. So much so that I even got fitted for a bra two weeks ago! Got to love Sir’s tasks and a spot of self-counselling.

Sadly, no amount of people telling me they like my breast, bum eyes or [insert preferred body part] has helped me in this journey. I have friends and lovers who enjoy my body, and sir has always been appreciative. But he has set tasks so that I can accept myself in my own time. And as my confidence has grown in my body so has my appreciation of it, and my willingness to look after it.

I have been a bit frustrated at the media and certain apps, one called My perfect body which allows you to shape and mould your photos to create the “perfect” shape. It makes me worry for the next generation. I may have downloaded it and had a go…

3. How confident are you as a person?
a. no confidence at all
b. confident around friends and family
c. confident at work, and in my job
d. very confident in my surroundings–work, social settings, with strangers

I have a quiet confidence which I find useful in most situations. From meeting strangers, to public speaking and with people who I know well. Strangely it is the people I know a little but not well who I feel shy around. Perhaps with strangers I can have the walls up, and those I’m close to have already found the secret hiding place for my spare door key. Those in the middle ground are, perhaps, more risky? Who knows…

4. How creative a person are you? Why?
a. not creative
b. average creativity
c. creative in some situations
d. very creative

When it comes to food I am very creative, particularly with store cupboard staples. Otherwise I rely on reflection or academia (writing) and patterns or pictures to copy (drawing and crafty things) I’m happy with my level of creativity.

5. Do you resent things being uncertain and unpredictable? Why?
a. agree
b. undecided or Don’t Know
c. disagree

I can find uncertainty challenging, but resent predictability.

Bonus: What do you wish you had invented?

LEGO TAPE!!!!!

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TMI Tuesday: 12th June 2018

Ice-Cream-Maker-Luxury-Vanilla-Ice-Cream (2)

1. If you were an ice-cream flavor, what would you be and why?

I would be lemon meringue. I may present as vanilla, but I am far from it, and that is a wonderful surprise. When you first take the lid off the tub it looks very  ordinary, but take a scoop and you start to see the swirls of lemon. Taste me, those yellow streaks are a little bit tart alongside the smooth creamy ice-cream. And then there is the hidden texture of meringue.

2. What are the best sexy skills you bring to a sexual relationship?

I am adventurous, unshockable and love to push myself to try new things and perfect old things.

3. What is the single largest problem causing you angst in your romantic relationship (current or most recent relationship)?

I don’t know that there is angst in my life at the moment. I guess I have to say the tasks I am set where I have to decide what to do “to please him” make me feel most anxious.

4. What is the best part about being in a relationship with you?

ME!

5. What is the biggest misconception that people have about you?

Still waters run deep with me, and the vanilla mask that is visible to the world is not the real me. I am usually seen as sweet and innocent, even among the local kink community. But once people become trusted they see that I am very much the opposite. One friend has just fallen off her chair at the thought of how family see me… but she has been on the receiving end of my sadistic giggle.

I have just been reminded that people sometimes see me as weak. Until recently I believed that too, and yet it couldn’t be further from the truth. Again, still waters run deep, and that strength isn’t on display for all to see, but it is there!

Bonus:  When you look at old photos of yourself, do you like what you see?

I enjoy looking at me through the times of my life. Some pictures I enjoy more than others, but I love reflecting on my life and pictures help with that. When I look at these pictures (below) what is not to like?

 

TMI Tuesday blog

 

TMI Tuesday: 5th June 2018

black and white forest grass monochrome
Photo by David Bartus on Pexels.com

What kind of person are you?

1. Are you addicted to any social media (twitter, instagram, snapchat, etc.)?

I have accounts on a lot of social media sites, but I find it hard to keep up with everything so I just dip in and out.

2. You know a secret about someone. What do you do with that information?
a. I keep it to yourself
b. I tell my best friend
c. I wait until they hurt me and use it as ammunition
d. I tell everyone I can, I don’t mean to, I just cannot keep a secret

I keep it to myself. I love knowing things that other people don’t know. If it isn’t my secret to share and I tell people then the trust is broken and no-one will tell me secrets again!

3. You see someone breaking the rules at work, what do you do?
a. Pretend not to see what is going on
b. Inform upper management
c. Advise the co-worker that their actions are frowned upon and can lead to job loss
d. Tell everyone else in the office what you saw

I would firstly talk to them and show them the correct way of doing things, just in case they don’t know what the correct procedure is. If that isn’t successful then I would talk to my line manager.

4. A friend has a new hairstyle that is un-becoming, and not really age-appropriate on them. They ask you how they look. What is your reply?
a. You look just fine.
b. You look much better this way.
c. OMG, you look a bit ridiculous.
d. *Silence*

I am known for being direct. Honesty is the best policy and all that. However, I have learnt a little tact over the last few years and none of these responses fits with what I would say. The Shit Sandwich is a tried and tested way for me to tell people they look awful while not making them feel bad about themself.

5. How helpful are you at home? 
a. I come home and immediately veg out on the couch/bed.
b. I cook and clean a few times a week.
c. I am extremely helpful.
d. I do what I am asked and nothing more.

As the only adult if I don’t do it then it doesn’t get done.

Bonus: In your opinion, what is the best city in the world? Why?

I am not nearly well travelled enough to answer this question with a well considered answer, but I love Germany and have a strong desire to disappear in the Black Forest so I think Stuttgart would be a great start.

I love Bruges too.

And Berlin.

And Durban.

And Pattaya

And….

No, it’s just not happening, I need to go and see the world.

Click below to see what other people are up to.

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