Oversharing for TMI Tuesday

1. Would you rather get a spanking in front of your family or do a striptease at your workplace?

Oh no, the impossible question! I did get my boobs out at work once, and I fucked myself in my office along with completing stretching tasks at one of the projects I facilitated. Just naming a few of my misdemeanours. But these all happened when I was on my own. The risk of getting caught was real, but I could take big precautions to ensure I wouldn’t. Having a spanking in front of my family is something I could never do. My family is my children, mum, brother and nieces. My brother is the only one who wouldn’t be surprised, having walked in on me seducing his mate when I was a horny teenager visiting him on my post A-level break. He hid his embarrassment well at seeing his little sister swallowing his mates cock, and the only comment that followed was him asking how long I’d had my nipple pierced.

Anyway, I digress… A strip tease at work, that’s my humiliation of choice… Maybe not as impossible as I first thought.

2. You are a sexy _____ .

cock wielding, long armed deviant with an ability to melt me with your kisses. (Cock, kisses and hugs, you can see my wish list currently)

3. Hey baby tonight _____ me.

…Indulge… Let’s see, tonight I want to curl up in warm, strong arms. Safe against the world. Not because I’m feeling fragile but because I want to be wrapped up in someone. And last night? Well, last night I just needed to be left alone. To satisfy my own carnal cravings, porn in one hand and Doxy in the other, wave after wave of orgasm ripping through me in private release. Tomorrow that may change, I may become indecently aroused and want my face crushed into the floor while you hold my hands behind my back and slowly graze my lips and asshole with your hot tongue, ready to pound your thick cock deep into my heat.

So tonight, just indulge me.

4. Would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button on your life?

Pause! I was raised with a saying “You can’t live your life backwards” and as a result have always tried to be the best I can be. Sure, things haven’t always been perfect but I like the way things are now. There are definitely moments I would love to pause,  to eke out a little longer. Proud-mummy-moments, happy-slut-experiences and goal-achieved-and-level-up-times. But I don’t want to go back and relive. I have so much more to get back to.

5. Would you rather have noisy sex neighbors or nosy neighbors?

Nosy neighbours. I find noisy sex to be distracting, and am not overly loud. Well, sometimes I can be, but it’s a gutteral roar during a powerful post-edging orgasm rather than noisy during the whole experience. I like the idea of nosy neighbours though. What would they see? What would they say? Would they ask to join me? Or would the shame they feel at their own voyeurism lead them to stay home and take themselves in hand? I have a few rather lovely neighbours, now I’m thinking…

Bonus: Would you rather mentally or physically never age? Why?

Mentally I’m at a good age now, physically I’m coming into what I feel is my prime. The thought of dementure scares me. I have seen people become empty shells, and others regress. As I said above I don’t want to hit rewind. Also, the forgetfulness and mental decline are things that can’t currently be fought. I know that research opens up new options all of the time but I don’t fancy my chances much. Physical ageing can be delayed through exercise and diet, and I’m always up for a challenge. I know the risk factors from my immediate family, and am taking steps to ensure that I am battle ready if it turns out I have those markers. Osteoporosis, for example, can be delayed by quitting smoking (3.5 years clear), a calcium rich diet (I love all calcium rich foods) and high impact exercise (long distance running) which lays down extra calcium in the bones strengthening them for future punishment. Yes, the physical ageing is one I’m better equipped to deal with.

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TMI Tuesday blog

How can I tell you to stop?

 

Road sign saying "give way in 70yds" for the post How can I tell you to stop?

Stop is not a word I ever want to say during a scene, but having the ability to communicate that need is vital for me.

I have been in a number of sticky situations where I haven’t negotiated carefully, and safewords have been an unknown. In those cases I was always left unfulfilled. I had not been pushed hard enough, far enough. These occurrences were in the days when Sir had seemingly disappeared. I was also in the early days of my separation from P and in a dark place where I didn’t respect myself enough to care about my safety.  This lack of regard was unhealthy and foolish, but I can’t change what was, just learn from my experiences. I know that when I met sir I was very lucky, that he was a safe man to take me on my journey in those early days. He talked me through scene safety, ensured I knew his expectations on how we were to communicate. A 1-10 rating system with red in emergencies worked well for me, and I was able to communicate clearly with him at all times while he got to know me. Red was my safeword. My “stop.” I did use my red once in sirs presence, but not as a result of his actions. The inexperience of another threatened to take me away from my submissive headspace and I needed him to know. For the first time ever I had used a safeword, he understood and respected it.

The scene redirected and play continued, all four of us happy.

On the other end of the safety spectrum I had one with H. He wanted me to use Have Mercy which I had to work hard to remember. I didn’t need it during our play normally, a gentle sadist who didn’t push me over the edge for a paingasm. He did abbreviate my name (A BIG FAT HARD LIMIT!!!) and I called Have Mercy twice before shouting STOP!! His friend was the one to stop, and H joked that he had forgotten my safeword. For me that put an end to our play partnership, and really our friendship. It is important to me that my safeword is respected and remembered. I would only ever use it in an absolute emergency and what may seem like a small thing to others may in fact be a massive deal for me.

The mistakes of the past are lessons for the future…

…and along with the return and departure of sir, this time with guidance on safety and pre-meet discussions, I was in a much better position to move forward with future play mates. Fast forward to late 2017. I finally met someone I had been in vague contact with for years. CST is a safe player, and an enthusiastic negotiator. I have a folder on his shelf. My likes, limits and safewords. He has the potential to negotiate the fun out of the scene, but I found humour and comfort in his need for knowledge and order. He is also a thoroughly sadistic Dominant. And while I may never have felt submissive towards him we have shared a number of sadomasochistic adventures. With him I was able to ask to be pushed to my red in an impact scene. I knew he would never put me in danger, the risk to us both if anything were to go wrong was/is abhorrent to him, but I knew that he would take me to red so that I would know where it was, and so that I would be able to recognise it. When the time came he was close to calling it as I spluttered “Red” to our spotter, through rivers of tears and a flood of endorphin fuelled orgasms. The pile of discarded impact toys could wait while he wrapped me in a blanket and our spotter fetched me a glass of water and a cup of tea.

(Disclaimer: I could never recommend Red as a destination, but it was important for me to know if I would know where my limits were physically.)

What about if I can’t talk?

Gags, tape, hoods, cock… they could stop  my red! I have learnt over time that when I enter subspace (and I slip quite readily into the buzzed space) I love to continue playing but stop being able to communicate verbally. With CST we covered non-verbal safety communication before our first meeting. A way to communicate without speech. I had 2 codes, one was a hand waving for “Stop, come and check in” and the other was 3 times flashing my fingers signalling “can I come?” I also find that the better I know someone the more they can read more subtle forms of communication, if they are observant. They know when to change things up a little, or back off. Thus increasing the time we can continue with our play time.

I know we are all different, but for me safewords are a vital piece of kit on the play-bag


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