If the plan doesn’t work change the plan, but never the goal.

pexels-photo-132650.jpeg

MrN and I had an evening scheduled in for conversation and a short scene.

As usual it had been planned the week before, he was working late and my boys were with their dad. We had tried it when they were home, but their bedtime pushed back our time for talk so everything became rushed which is never ideal. We spoke about my time with H coming to an end. He was supportive of my decision to end that play relationship and I felt less like I had been over-reacting to something small and insignificant. We also spoke about the kinky crafting I had been tasked with.

It was time to get those strings out from their hiding place. 

The four lengths of string with a loop in one end and a peg on the other were requested, as was my Doxy wand. When he told me to put the loops over my big toes (two on each side) the light dawned and I realised where the pegs were for.

Yes N, run the string up your leg and attach the peg to the lip on that side. 

So I did as he asked, and it felt wonderful…

Now, bring yourself to orgasm with your wand and as you cum for me I want you to straighten your legs and pull off the pegs.

I actually felt fear at this point. It had been a long time since I had experienced pain in this way (in any way.) Sir had used clamps on my nipples and labia. He had also made me orgasm with a wand while jiggling the clamps, and occasionally he would rip them off during my climaxes. I knew I loved the sensation, but it had been so long and I had never had to torture myself.

I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to do it, I was afraid that it would hurt too much. 

After a moment’s hesitation (it felt like a lifetime!!) I applied the wand, starting with a mild vibration as I had decided to start slowly and build up intensity. MrN was happy with that too, I think he sensed the nerves in my message. No sooner had I pressed down than two of the pegs twisted apart, the other two popping off. Hmmm, that wasn’t supposed to happen.

No problem, tie some more on, try again.

So I did, and the same thing happened again! I realised that my lips must be too voluptuous for the pegs and if I was to complete this task I would have to think of something else. Looking in my box of tricks I spotted the bulldog clips. Dare I??? If the pegs had scared me imagine how I was feeling looking at those!

But I don’t like to be defeated, and I had one job to do this evening. Produce a painful orgasm.

Could I do it? Well… I could try, at least. And if it was too much I could go back to the drawing board and head to the shops the next day. I had to cut the string to remove the pegs, before tying on the clips. With the strings shorter I would be able to rip them off with more momentum, which made me feel better in a strange way.

Attaching the clips I winced, they were sooooo much tighter than the pegs. 

With the camera going I pressed the Doxy against myself once more, at a much more intense vibration. I needed to get through this as quickly as possible now, these clips would be the end of me otherwise! The pain they gave me was exquisite torture, a white-hot pain that sent pleasure across my labia… Sir had called me his pain monkey, and this act brought memories of our time together back to the forefront of my memory, intensifying the sexual energy greatly. Before I knew it I was cresting a wave of such intense pleasure that I couldn’t have kept my legs bent if I had wanted to. Stretching my legs away the bulldog clips ripped off of me, I shattered into what felt like a thousand pieces as another wave of orgasm ripped through me.

Broken by the pleasure which had enveloped me I took a while to come to my senses. 

As soon as I did I had to stop the camera, and then inspect my nether regions. In spite of the intensity of the pain everything was in the same state it had been when I attached the clips! Having sent the video over to MrN, I awaited his response. He was pleased with my efforts, which in turn made me smile.

What did I learn from this experience?

  • I learnt that I really do enjoy pain. I hadn’t come across masochist as a way of describing people (i.e. me) but the title bestowed upon me by sir in the early days was definitely fixed for me now.
  • I would push myself for someone important.
  • MrN was important. Though my mind wandering to sir half way through playing with myself was confusing.
  • I would not be indulging in bulldog clip masturbation of my own free will… No! As an act of submission inflicting the pain on myself was extremely erotic, but just because I wanted to get my kicks…? I felt that it could become an unhealthy outlet.

Not a bad set of learning points for an evening of play.

Related image

And suddenly you just know it is time to start something new and trust the magic of new beginnings

happiness

Life seemed to be going quite well.

The sale of my marital home was nearing completion and I had a new flat to move into with my boys. They were settling into a new life with two homes. I had been promoted at work, had an increased case-load and became responsible for training new staff. I had some new friends who made me smile, and offered unconditional support. I had been able to assert myself in the kink world with my foot caning play partner. Also, it was the summertime so I was swimming in the sea and running as often as possible.

To top it all off I finally had an interesting message on BeMyDom.

He was polite and respectful, not pushy or sex orientated. He was looking for a submissive, someone who was keen to push themselves and try hard for him. I was hesitant to start with. He was in a long-term vanilla relationship and had no intention of leaving her. I struggled most with this aspect as I had no desire to be a dirty secret, especially if she was a good person. I could rationalise my infidelity, because P wasn’t very nice but this felt bad, and not in a good way. Also he was 3-4 hours drive away, which would mean we would mainly have an online relationship, hotel meetings may happen once every 3 months or so, but chances would be slim. I didn’t know if I was ready to give myself over to someone else, and if I was would I be good enough…? Also, he didn’t like to share his submissive.

In the end the prospect of an online relationship, with a married man, felt safer than a local single Dominant.

There was less pressure on us both, and I could start to free myself a little bit. MrN had a way about him which put me at ease, he was gentle and kind though firm.  We were both busy with our lives and so contact was an evening every week or so, with an email each way every day. We discussed likes and dislikes, needs and boundaries, hopes and dreams. I made a case for having freedom with other men if I asked first, he agreed because he would be in bed with his partner every  night and wanted things to be fair for me.

And so he began to set me to work, with tasks and rules.

The tasks that he set me in the first couple of weeks were sourcing items. Nothing expensive or that would need specialist retailers. My list included:

  • little bulldog clips
  • string
  • drawing pins
  • pegs
  • deep heat
  • medicine syringes
  • a small bucket

True to form I got hold of everything that was required. Then I had some preparations to do, DIY deviance. The syringes became nipple and clitoral pumps. He had originally suggested the calpol syringes for this, but I had to go to the local country stores and buy some animal medicine syringes for the right sizes. I had to cut four length of string to match my inner thighs, tying a loop in one end of each and attaching a peg to the end.

These strings puzzled me, I could not figure out what they were for! I was told to pop them in a safe place for a later date.

There were more things to make, things to keep me out of mischief. Many of the creations puzzled me, but my questions were met with the same answer… Put them away, try not to think about them. So I would put them away and mull over the possibilities. He asked me to set up an xHamster account for us to share. I could then save videos that I liked, as could he, and we could discuss. I already had an account, so sent him over the details. A couple of the videos which I had saved before coming into contact with him later became inspiration for him. And the videos that he shared with me were very interesting for different reasons. He had a heel fetish, as well as a sadistic streak when it came to pretty feet and a love of watersports. We had common ground in feet, and my curiosity about pee play, but my inability to walk in heels meant that his shoe fetish scared me in the best possible way.

I never felt that MrN was my forever Dominant, but for now we were able to give something to each other. 

carpe diem

Proudly powered by WordPress | Theme: Baskerville 2 by Anders Noren.

Up ↑