Unsolicited Photos: Talent Show or Malicious Intent

Where to start today? Ahh yes, the insufferable dick pic. More to the point, unsolicited photos of ones own todger. (Or any private parts, it just seems non-consensual sharing is more prevalent among penis owners.) For the most part I’m largely untroubled by these, though occasionally one slips through the net. But I have had to change my behaviour online. For example, all men are blocked from contacting me on Fabswingers, except when I am on the prowl. Invariably, as soon as the block is lifted I receive an influx of cocks in various states.

This raised the question whether unsolicited photos are a talent show or come laced with malicious intent.

Just in case it needs saying, I love cock. I have a favourite, but the only time I’ve been sent pictures of this one I’ve been on the end of it. Occasionally I’ll request one, usually if I am looking for a deep-throat practise buddy and need to ensure it’s an appropriate size. I also have friends who enjoy sharing, they’ll always check first. I’ve discovered that men who put effort into creating artistic shots of their magnificent manhood generally don’t drop them into your DMs unannounced.

Let’s start with a positive example of such a talent show.

I’m going to bring the header image into the limelight. My friend R is a fellow exhibitionist. We’ve been enjoying each others’ company for the last 6/7 years. The above photograph is one of many he’s shared with me over that time. But, even now, he always checks first, to make sure it will be welcomed. When I asked him if I could share the above picture he was more than happy, offering any further assistance I might need. I think he was hoping for a request for further photos. Instead I asked his thoughts on sending intimate images. His response:

1. He only sends to people he trusts.
2. He will only send them when asked for them, or when he knows they are wanted.

Simple, right?!

So, what about unsolicited photos… An entirely different proposition.

What I absolutely don’t want to see is a picture of your cock if I don’t know you. Even less so if the photo is taken over a used toilet- bad move- or you’re covered in little pustules or a rash. Unfortunately this is a regular occurrence too. (The list of pictorial faux pas is long, I won’t bore you with them today.)

When these arrive in my inbox accompanied by the opener “wuu2” or “wanna fuk” it’s bad enough. But often they start with just the words and a polite declining of their offer elicits a hastily snapped image of their member. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m neither offended nor upset by this behaviour. If I think they could use antibiotics I’ll generally suggest they visit a local clinic, otherwise it’s an instant block. But I do find it frustrating when I’ve said no and you decide to invade my space with something I clearly don’t wish to see. Consent is everything.

One day I popped the question of unsolicited dick photos into my fab status.

Asking why single men choose to send unsolicited dick pics in response to a very clear No. There were a few messages of solidarity from other women who experienced the same thing, but the vast majority of response were from sympathetic men. These white knights stated categorically that it was an act of violence and intimidation. Sending such photos under these circumstances was a way to make me realise I’m an inferior woman who they don’t respect. Though it is a text based exchange, I could almost see these mindful-men throwing their hands up in feigned exasperation at the angry men who couldn’t get laid.

However, I’m sceptical of penis wielding feminists. Their banner waving feels like an underhand tactic to get me in the sack. (Hint: This won’t work any better than an unsolicited dick pic.) Their response felt wrong too. I mean, the number of men who bare all, surely they can’t all be ass-hats? While I’m certain some of the pictures were displays of aggressive tendencies, was there something else going on? With a tense jaw and whirring mind I decided to leave my filters open for a while longer. I wanted answers and was damn sure going to find them.

The first question was what to say to unsolicited photos?

As luck would have it I quickly received my first messages. Next came the expected pictures sent in response to my decline. One of my rules is to not educate the rude folks in my inbox, the ones who make me cross and use my energy. But I didn’t want to teach them, rather seeing myself as the student. As we know, I am a curious human being! So I replied to them, asking the question: “What kind of reaction do you think I am going to give when you send me that after I’ve said NO?”

A couple of replies came in about them wanting me to humiliate them. There is nothing in my profile about this being something I would enjoy, I suggested checking profiles before involving others in fantasies. Then… *block*.

I was ignored by some, blocked by others, but also received some really interesting replies. I’ve chosen one from a young lad I could sympathise with. I recall he was 28 and new to the world of swinging.

He was disappointed that I didn’t want to play with him because he liked my profile. So with no other ideas on how to tempt me, and nothing else to lose, he sent a picture of his erection. He didn’t realise it might be a problem as, were the exchange going the other way, he’d love a pussy/boob/bum picture.

He asked “are unsolicited photos illegal?”

I told him they weren’t yet, in the UK at least. But with new laws coming into force, I’d soon be able to forward the matter to the police. Rightly so, cyber flashing is a grubby business and, without gaining someone’s consent, there is no telling what triggers you could flick by oversharing. While I can understand that people on the receiving end of such messages will feel distress and anger at the violation of their personal space, I don’t tend to. I block liberally, use message filters and if all else fails prefer to use my energy to educate, quietly, from the inside. If, and only if, I have the headspace.

Back to the point of his unsolicited photo.

His reply was an interesting opener. A decent person, he got confused of the etiquette of a swinging site. The blood left his brain, diverting to the zone that prevents quality thought. Not really an excuse, though lessons in human decency and restraint could be learnt here. I could empathise with him too, it felt like he was attempting to flirt and not really getting it right. Or, more like, attempting to flirt and getting it badly wrong. I have this problem myself, I am a terrible flirt!!

Over the following weeks he and I stayed in contact.

He asked for my help writing his profile, so I sent him to see profiles attractive to me. Though I was very clear that I am just one person and may well be as hopeless as him. We talked about messaging, and profile pictures. I never once told him what to write, instead asking questions and hoping he’d get there on his own. Once he was happy I sent his profile off to friends, a second opinion would give more feedback for him.

We touched base occasionally over the following months.

His profile was pretty good, his pictures tasteful- cock set to friends only- and while I wasn’t on the receiving end of any opening messages from him, the handful of positive verifications on his profile suggested he’d upped his game. I was really pleased when, around six months later, he told me he’d met a woman through fab. They were taking it slow, but building a fantastic relationship which included the swinging lifestyle. Shortly after that his profile closed as they set up a joint one. Lovely

There was a lesson for me in all of this.

I do believe that some of these men are, most definitely, predators who attempt using their pictures as a way to intimidate. I understand that others can’t be arsed with conversation, believing their gloriously underwhelming winky will save the day. But sometimes there’s hope. And maybe one day, they’ll realise that to win the talent show they need to stand out from the crowd. The best way to do this is to be kind, considerate and (unless asked) DON’T send any unsolicited photos of what’s inside your pants!

Unsolicited Photos: Talent Show Or Malicious Intent was shared for Wicked Wednesday. You might also enjoy the post Stages Of Anger for more thoughts on men who get it badly wrong.