Trust your landmark and run through the smoke.

Lady reclining over her sofa, touching her pussy while wearing a medal from her landmark moment

This week Food For Thought Friday has asked us to think about Landmark in our lifes.

What, if any, have been your particular landmarks, either in relation to your blog or your wider life?

Do you have any future goals/landmarks you want to achieve? What are they?

I have been very quiet this month for a number of reasons. The first was my study. With the end of my module came assignment pressure and extra work took over. Alongside this life has thrown me an unwanted curve ball; managing this has taken up a lot of energy but also marks a significant shift in my wellbeing. Previously an episode like this would have floored me, but this time I have held my own… battered but not beaten. This in itself is a landmark achievement for me.

But it is not the one that I want to talk about today!

As I have mentioned previously I like to run. It was the one thing I was allowed to do for me while I was married, and after a couple of years break and significant weight gain the return of Sir heralded my return to running in January last year. Since before I met him I had the goal of wanting to run a marathon, and when he departed again in the summer he left me the task of running a marathon by the end of February. Losing him again was painful, but I had a goal. He had set me a task because he believed I could do it, even though I didn’t quite have the belief in myself. All winter I trained, loving the longer distances, the freedom of the miles, the openness of the big sky over my head. I had the race date for the start of february, a gloriously hilly first marathon. Local enough that I knew the area and could practise parts of the route. My beloved Dartmoor. Races leading up to the big day went exactly as planned. The longest run felt amazing and I could have carried on all day. I was ready! Body, mind, and soul working together.

My landmark moment had arrived.

Or so I thought. The start  of February brought snow to Dartmoor, the race was postponed. I went out for a marathon distance run that day, and ended up with an injury, catching the train home from half way. I was left feeling like I had failed Sir in my task. I wouldn’t be able to achieve the marathon I had been tasked with, I wondered why I should even bother to find another marathon seeing as I had let him down. What was the point? I had this one-sided conversation with a friend, venting my frustrations at him in text form. And as I let all the pain and frustration out my memory was jarred to Sir’s response to a task the previous summer. A plan had fallen through and I had needed to scrabble around to fulfill the brief. After everything had been sorted I had explained the level of stress which had threatened to overwhelm me, I was so upset about disappointing him when something outside of my control had happened. His response had obviously struck a chord with me:

N, you have never let me down. You always try your hardest and do everything you can to achieve my expectations, you have never let me down or disappointed me.

This exchange surfaced in my mind as I spilled the bitter disappointment at Slave Lytton. And from this came the realisation that I had not let him down at all. had been ready. had done everything possible to make sure that could complete the marathon in the time frame he had set me. Yes, I was disappointed, and I would probably always feel like I could have done more, but… those where the last whispers of depression and I had to believe in myself.

So I started hunting for a replacement race.

A marathon that I would enjoy for my first time, and one that fit into my child free weekends. And one that would allow time for my knee to recover, but without being too far away for me to lose the momentum. Finding more races to keep me inspired in the meantime, I stumbled across a marathon. A new one. Fairly hilly, well located, beautiful views, and most importantly….lots of cake for finishers! The date was set for the beginning of May. I spent the next two months rebuilding my distance and regaining my confidence. It was during this time that I realised that sir had set me this task because he knew how much I wanted to achieve it, even though I didn’t quite believe that I would be able to do it. Even as I sit here typing that I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes. He knew he wouldn’t be here, but wanted me to grow without him, to finally learn to believe in myself unequivocally, in the same way that he always had.

What a gift to leave me with?

Roll on to the start of May. I don’t know how many of you have completed a marathon, I had no idea what I would actually feel like during the race or after the race, but the entire event just blew me away. I loved it, the whole damn thing! I can’t believe that I hadn’t believed in myself all along, that I hadn’t found the courage to train for and enter a marathon before then. There were a few moments when I stopped smiling, and they were in the third quarter (I’m told this is a normal time to find it hard) when I realised that I wouldn’t be able to tell sir that I had completed his task, and to thank him for believing in me. When I finally reached that finish line I jumped for joy. My amazing friend S-W-L had driven for hours to come and cheer me across the line. I jumped for joy, and couldn’t stop babbling about how proud of myself I am. The first time I have ever felt proud of myself without first having to have someone (including myself) convince me that I should be proud.

So that is my landmark moment, and the lesson that has translated from BDSM to everyday life to allow me to achieve.

But what is next? Do you think I am going to stop there?

Nah, I don’t think I could enjoy a life without challenging goals to achieve.

To paraphrase a very important man: Set a goal, plan, achieve, take stock and set a new goal. [Repeat]

Next stop is an ultra…. watch this space!

boob day meme

Check out what else is happening over at Boobday.

#F4TFriday

 

Trust your landmark and run through the smoke was first published on A Leap of Faith.

Queen of the hill

On a windy day in March I met a new photographer for a test shoot. He had one idea to try and I have my Tits out tor bagging campaign to add to so we met on Hound Tor. Between the dog walkers and school children we managed to get a few shots. I love the joy on my face in this one, and the definition that is starting to show on my body.

Boobday celebrates body positivity, and I certainly felt like Queen of the Hill in this picture.

Go and see what other people are celebrating this week for Boobday
#AtoZChallenge 2019 Tenth Anniversary badge

Eroticon 2019: My Ten things

Picture shows the handle of a hand made flogger made from black and green paracord. This was one of the lessons I learned at Eroticon with thanks to kinkcraft

From one thing, know ten thousand things.

Ok, so Eroticon is my one thing, and my brain has been filled with ten thousand other things.

When I found this quote for my title I initially intended it as a tongue in cheek reference to how full my brain is following the conference. However, in an effort to narrow it down to the top ten things I learnt, it has become clear that I wasn’t far off. No matter, I shall break it down as best I can.

The following are in no particular order, and are definitely not a conclusive list.
  • The first session I attended on the saturday was with KinkCraft. It was important for me to find a space to relax a little and I love making things, so where better. Last year I made a flogger from speaker cable. The sensation it produces is delicious, but the handle is pretty is pretty awful. I am so excited to now know how to work with paracord to make a nice handle. As luck would have it I even have matching colours in my kinky-crafting storage box.
  • I learnt that objectification works both ways. Sunday morning saw me with a huge dilemma. Each of the three rooms had a talk that I wanted to go to, but I had to choose one. After much deliberation I decided on Fetish.com and their talk “Launch your Pocket Rocket! Time to monetize your content” This was solely based on my need to wake up gently, and the men hosting this talk certainly offered that. However, not only was there sleepy-head cerebral porn on offer, there was also a lot of new and exciting content for me. I came away feeling that I may be able to make my little corner of the world at  least pay for itself, plus an occasional caffeine hit.
  • Sometimes it is possible to make the wrong choice of talk though, and one of my chosen presentations I found quite difficult to relate to. Come Curious are fun, beautiful and sassy ladies with an unmistakable brand. They are certainly high-profile, and represent some great ideas. I hope they pave the way for future generations of the sex-positive community, but with the way society is at the moment being out and proud isn’t always an option. I’m glad that I stayed for this talk though, some distressing and inspiring stories from my fellow delegates brought us all closer together. I think we all learnt something during “Public ejaculation: When you put your face on your sex work.”
  • I met Zak Jane Keir on the book stand at BBB last last November. I had no idea who she was at the time, but after I purchased the Dice Writing book we got talking about Eroticon, and she told me she would be doing a workshop on dice writing there. I knew then that I would be attending, even if it meant missing something else I might find useful. (It did, but it was totally worth it!) I had tried to write using the book since buying it, but put it away again, knowing full well that I would find it easier to immerse myself following in-person tuition. I wasn’t wrong! Not only did I learn so much from her, other delegates (braver than me) read snippets of their work to the group and showed me how serious and/or nonsensical I could be. I can’t wait to start putting things into practise.
  • “Procrastination is a habit of fear.” One of the most valuable sessions for me was Kayla Lords’ How to reach your goals when you have no time to work on them. I have had some intensive training around goal setting, and it is something I consider a strength. I am also pretty good at getting the work done, when I figure out that I don’t need to wash the garden gate or defrost the freezer… It was amazing to see someone so passionately discussing their goals and the minute changes that they had to make to their day in order to start winning big. But the sentence that stood out is the quote she used about procrastination. It has been helpful in my recent assignment, to a point, and I have shared it with a wonderful friend who has been doing a cracking job painting her woodwork. Thank you Kayla for sharing your experiences and inspiring me. (Though I am putting off my time audit. I wonder if I’m scared of what I will find?!)
  • Something that follows on quite nicely from here is Molly and Michael taking on the subject of Looking at your blog with a critical eye. I know that I have a lot of work to do to bring my corner of the world up to speed. It got battered in June when WordPress archived me, and then my blog took a back seat while I licked wounds. Since getting my head into gear again I realised the amount I need to do, but didn’t have the faintest idea where to start. This session was immediately helpful. Along with Kayla’s30 minute rule, and a series of bullet point lists (Who doesn’t love a list) I think I will be able to achieve everything in time for this years “top 100” lists, and give myself a fighting chance of being included. Making one small change with each post (ALT description on pictures is my choice) sets me up with a winning mindset…
  • But once I have set aside 30 minutes, and critically appraised (and fixed) my blog I need to have something else ready to go. Thank you Girl on the net for your amazing talk on building traffic. She made it look so easy, and using her basic steps it really is, but I have to remember that GOTN has been working hard at this for a lot of years, and patience is the name of her game. Plus #journorequest (I’m not sure I’m ready for it this month, but it doesn’t stop me browsing)
  • Dessert and Readings on sunday afternoon was a steamy affair. Not only did I get to it peacefully and enjoy some smut, but I was able to put voices to people whose writing I have enjoyed for the past year. Victoria Blisse, who I later met on the book stall, and Bibulous One both had me particularly squirming in my seat. Having been unsure whether I would enjoy being read to, I have realised I am a complete convert and want smutty bedtime stories about pain and pleasure… No need to be in my own head.
  • The trade stalls were great to chat with during moments when I needed to walk and chatter rather than sit and listen, and I wanted to say a special thank you to someone who has cleared up a long standing wondering of mine. Claire from ElectraStim not only made my day when she let me play with her demo kit (estim has been a long term favourite but somewhat absent friend) but she also patiently discussed an odd rope query I had re bondage and large lobe holes. She will likely never know how chuffed I was to be able to have this chat with someone, and to be able to go away with the confidence that (should I find a playmate with twin lobe hoops I can probably make up some mischievous predicament for them. If I can involve an Electra Stim Axis then all the better.
  • Boobday is a meme I have been taking part in for some time now. I have always had a tempestuous relationship with my breasts, but through (excessive?) sharing of my breasts I have come to appreciate that mine can be just as sexy as everybody elses. I was so excited to see tweets flying around about a group picture, and was over the moon to find out there was time to spare before dashing for my train home. My final memory of Eroticon, captured by the wonderful woman behind Focused and Filthy my final lesson from Eroticon is that boobs are much more fun with friends!
Three rows of breasts on display for a boobday group shot at eroticon 2019
Photo credit: Focused and Filthy
Eroticon 2019 Attending

#AtoZChallenge 2019 Tenth Anniversary badgeboob day meme

Eroticon 2019: My ten things was first published on A Leap of Faith.

Nothing beats a great smile.

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Recent explorations found me wearing a big smile at a busy spot, which was unusually quiet.

Though it was one of the scavenger hunt locations which seems like it should be so easy I keep seeing graffiti at the wrong time. . Either I’m with my children, there are too many people about or I am dressed in a way I can’t expose myself.

It certainly made me smile when I saw it, and with many fellow delegates struggling with con-drop I rather hope that this will lift some spirits.

See what others are up to for Boobday and Scavenger Hunt.

Scavenger hunt silver

boob day meme

Nothing beats a great smile was first published on A Leap of Faith.

Setting Fire to #Boobday

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I had a visit this week from the lovely Dr Lovelace for dinner, a catch up and some fire play.

As seems to be tradition for us we both ended up topless, this time setting fire to things in my courtyard. With the sad news of Keith Flints death on Monday it seemed a fitting tribute to thank him for the quarter century of musical memories through #Boobday.

I was only ten when I heard them for the first time, my brother introduced me to the joys of muting the TV and having music on while the pictures continued. And I will always remember the time I was dragged from the mosh pit when I saw them live, P didn’t think I was able to take care of myself. Keith was on stage not far from me, I could almost feel the heat from the fire in his eyes I was so close.

Thank you Keith for stoking the fire of my hedonism all those years ago, rest easy and I’ll see you on the other side.

Hy tits banner in black and white v neck t shirt

Setting Fire to #Boobday was first published on A Leap of Faith.

Good ideas start with great coffee.

My favourite cafe.

There is nothing like a double espresso in my favourite cafe.

There is something about public exposure, and from the start of the request to “expose myself in places I could get caught while ensuring I didn’t” this was a place that I wanted to make work. This cafe serves the best espresso, and I really didn’t want to get barred. I must have tried to get this picture a dozen times but either my nerves or technique failed each time.

You see, I had to get face, breasts and background in the shot, for Him.

My heart was racing once I realised I had succeeded, what I needed was more coffee!

Check out the other contributions to Boobday, The Scavenger Hunt, and February Photofest.

Scavenger hunt silver

boob day meme

February Photofest

Good ideas start with great coffee was first published on A Leap of Faith.

Wind Tor for #Boobday

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I can’t control the wind, but I can adjust the sail.

On a recent trip to Dartmoor with my friend we visited the aptly named Wind Tor. He had tied a simple chest harness before we left the house, and had great fun fighting the strong winds on Dartmoor.

Looking back at the pictures now, a month on, I am reminded that I can withstand the storm.

I apologise for the lack of posts recently; chaos does not reflect the challenges I have faced over the last 2 months. As things settle down again I will be back to sharing my story once more. Adjusting the sails while I travel through the fog has been scary… many thanks to the man who has shown me I will always find a way.

But for now, Every Friday is Boobday from the top of Wind Tor.

 boob day meme

Wind Tor for #Boobday was first published on A Leap Of Faith

Racing Tits! #Boobday

Racing tits
Yes Tor

Racing is a term I use loosely in regards to my running.

I’ve always enjoyed events, but since getting back into running at the beginning of the year I have been drawn to trail events. Last weekend saw me tick off three more tors for my Tits Out Tor Bagging challenge, and I picked up a very cool medal.

 

Come and see what everyone else is up to for Boobday

boob day meme

Racing Tits was first published on A Leap Of Faith

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