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Sitting at my laptop I’m surprised to feel my clit twitching and leaping in near ecstasy. My labia pulsing and my knickers, fresh on not half an hour ago, are already slick with my juices. I’ve been sat here less than five minutes – as evidenced by the lack of words – and I slipped this toy into my knickers as I wriggled into the comfy spot. I’m surprised, not least because it is the “wrong” end of the double sided suction wand that is currently lodged between my folds as I attempt to type up this review.
It’s been a little while since I’ve reviewed a product for Funzze, but I am a bit of a fan of their wands. The super powerful wand was my first encounter and I was blown away. A bright pink one was up next and, again, I was surprised at how much pleasure I got from the wallet friendly wand. So when my contact got in touch and asked me to pick my next product I naturally gravitated towards a new wand.
Excited, I asked to review the double sided suction wand.
They agreed and it arrived soon after. Discrete packaging, as always, and once inside the traditional cardboard box had a Funzze sleeve. The only giveaway that inside lay a sex toy. Removing the sealed film outer I removed the sleeve and inside the wand was hiding away in a lightly-padded foam bag of its own. The black form of the wand just about visible, but the rose gold band catching my eye. I’d forgotten about that.
So too had I forgotten about the diamante stud of a power button. Initially I wasn’t keen, generally I prefer bright colours and bold statements to glitz and bling, but the proof is in the pudding. Or, more accurately, the wanking. And so I reserved judgement. Or I tried, anyway.
The wand measures 24cm from tip to tip, picking it up in my hands the weight was mostly in the massager end. Of course, this was going to be the case, that is where the bulky motor lives. Given how excited I was to try the wand end the weight being distributed in this way was only going to be a positive. And besides, the suction end wasn’t going to have much effect on me. (After all, suction toys rarely do it for me, unless there is another element to stimulate me internally!)
The USB charging cable slots neatly into the DC port. I plugged it in and a faint light began its gentle flash behind the diamante button. Neither the website nor the instruction manual could tell me how long the charge would take, so I plugged it in and went about my morning. When I returned, a little over an hour later, the light had stopped its lazy flash and was a steady glow.
Time to get down to business!
First up – the massaging end.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll know that I’m a wand girl. A quality wand is an effective stress reliever and pleasure giver. So it won’t surprise you to know I went straight for what I know best. And I was on edge already, having been deep into testing the Phoenix.
The smooth silicone offers just enough friction, even when liberally doused with water-based lube. Working through the ten intensities and patterns I found the higher intensity, straight vibrations to hit my spot. But there were some unusual patterns that worked really well alongside the thrusting, vibrating dildo I’d impaled myself on. The vibrations are slower and more mellow than I usually find smaller wands to be, but they aren’t deeply penetrating rumbles.
Not until the wand is deeply penetrating you (or, more accurately, me!) Then all bets are off I’m afraid. Using the wand internally was perhaps not my finest hour. The double sided suction wand is described as “splashproof” so unlikely the best idea to review inside a soaked vagina but… It was so tempting. The shaft would just slip right in, with its girth of 13.5cm, and the vibrations channelled against my G-spot. Especially with the angle of what would be the handle end.
Anyway… Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and the wand is still working fine. As am I!
Thinking on the splashproof nature of the toy, now seems a sensible time to share clean up. I used a soft, damp cloth and antibacterial toy cleaner. Then I left it on a towel to air dry before sliding into the included toy bag and putting away in the cupboard.
The suction end.
This is where things got a little sticky. Or, more to the point, even wetter. Much to my surprise! I was, if you recall, sceptical about the outcome of this side of the toy. Lubing up my clit and the suction cup I pressed the diamante to turn it on, and then the suction side of the power button to begin the assault. All I could say was “fuck me” when the opening was easy to position on my most sensitive spot and the stimulation began.
I had a minor grumble when the weight of the motor made it overbalance in my hand, but a firmer grip solved that. My hunch is that this would work really well with a partner in charge of the wand. The weight would encourage them away from pressing harder than needed, and the angles would work well.
Mind you, when I turned on the vibrations for the other end, they travelled down the shaft, oozing around my clit while the suction continued unabated. During my review tests I had a dozen or so orgasms at the whim of the double sided suction wand. But getting off with the suction end on my clit, and the vibrations switched on was the most intense for me.
Again, there were ten intensities and patterns to get me going.
And it needs saying that the diamante button that I wasn’t so keen on has come into its own. Particularly with the suction end. When your eyes are closed, or your head is thrown back in ecstasy, or you just don’t feel like staring down between your legs while you build to climax, the sparkly appendage guides your fingers to the power. This way you can find the controls without looking. You may have the right spot but if you don’t have the correct pattern it’s frustrating to need to move the toy to see what you’re doing. At least in the early days. This wand stops that potential problem in its tracks.
Should you buy the double sided suction wand from Funzze?
I’m always somewhat reluctant to tell people what they Should or Shouldn’t do. However, I was pleasantly surprised by this wand. The double sided suction wand doesn’t necessarily appeal to me visually, but I’m something of a bog goblin with no sense of style. I’ve learnt it’s silly to judge a toy by its bling. Each embellishment is a useful addition in regards to the function of the toy.
My experience with Funzze wands suggested that I would have a cracking time. If you penetrating rumbles on a budget I’d suggest the Super Powerful massager. And if it is a higher velocity buzz, then the LED display wand massager may be for you. However, if you’re very sensitive, or just like variety in your clitoral stimulation then I’d encourage you to give this a try.
My experience of big brand, stand-alone suction toys has lowered my expectations somewhat. As a result any pleasure from them is a win. Let alone orgasms. The narrow walls and depth of the suction cup worked really well for my anatomy. I’ve had my eyes opened to the joys of orgasms through a suction toy, without the addition of a flicking tongue inside the cup, or an internal vibrator to help get me over the line. If you’ve been massively underwhelmed by air technology I feel your pain. If you haven’t quite given up yet, I would urge you to give this one a try.
Now then, this suction in my knickers is quite the distraction. I think I’m overdue some alone time with my new wand. 😉
Has this review has inspired you to buy the double sided suction wand? It is currently available for $37.99. Use the code BAREFOOT10 to receive a 10% discount.
From the story of how the barefoot sub became the woman she is today, to toy reviews, with a hefty dose of contemplation, a sprinkling of erotica and a LOT of nudity in between, you can be sure to find something to tickle your fancy at A Leap Of Faith.