Where Do You Lose Yourself?

How do you lose yourself? Header shows the barefoot sub on her first attempt at SCUBA diving. Flipper clad feet photographed by SWL.

What activities do you lose yourself in?

Do you ever lose yourself in something. Become so absorbed that time becomes irrelevant and everyday life becomes kind of irrelevant?

In my world there are a few activities that have this effect on me. You’ll know a few… Self-tying, cooking and running have all featured in here. Being in the sea is a big thing for me too, but little did I know the effect that becoming part of the underwater world would have on me.

It was a couple of years ago that I first tried snorkeling. Loki and I were looking for a great adventure and he had the kit so off we went. I’d been underwater, plenty of times, but never had I been able to stay there for so long. With just the sound of the currents in my ears, my eyes popped at the small fish in among the rocks, the way the sea grasses gently waved, the sediment glistening in the shafts of sunlight as the clouds were buffeted around on a breezy and unseasonably cold August afternoon.

It was my first step to realising a lifelong dream. SCUBA diving was where I’d set my sights when I was a pre-teen living in the middle of the countryside. Not only was i far from the sea, I was also too young to get a job and save up for it. Then life happened – parenting is an expensive hobby and my priorities have been elsewhere.

But my dreams were not forgotten and when Christmas in Lanzarote was being planned SWL, an experienced diver, had every intention of getting under the ocean waves and taking me with her. She had every intention of getting the underwater location for my (our?) Scavenger Hunt. But she also believed I would find a calm, much like subspace, down there. “You’ll just lose yourself, I can’t wait to see!”

Only, it didn’t quite work like that.

I was nervous the night before, driving down the island the feeling intensified. A malfunctioning mask on the shore dive left me more anxious. And when it came to the drop line my brain said NOPE.

Those questions, so often asked played in my head. Is it safe? And, do I want to?

There is one thing being told it is safe, and quite another trusting people and equipment I’d never seen before in a location where I was entirely out of my depth. Was it safe? I had no idea.

As for the answer of whether I wanted to or not. Well, it may have been a life long wishlist activity but in that moment… When I didn’t know if I was safe… The answer was no, not really.

The second answer only came to me when I was about six/seven metres down. I certainly didn’t want to go any deeper!

I sent SWL on her way, to explore the underwater museum. No reason she should miss out just because I couldn’t/wouldn’t get myself any deeper.

But instead of bursting up to the surface I followed the drop line back up slowly. Pausing along the way to watch the fish glinting in and out of my vision. This is where I lost myself, though fear of drowning in the tears that flooded my mask meant I had to keep moving upwards again!

SWL would later comment that she’d never seen me bail on something before. And I’ve spoken to other diving friends – like Dr Lovelock- about my reaction. I have a plan. This won’t be the last time I dive.

The two questions that have kept me pushing forward in my kinky adventures, also keep me growing in my vanilla world. And because I now understand why I didn’t feel safe I can now structure my next diving adventure accordingly. Because I DO want to explore the underwater world fully.

It just takes baby steps, some learning, some trust in equipment.

How do you lose yourself? Do you have a particular interest that can take you away to peaceful joy? Maybe you’re a diver who has some tips to share that might be helpful on my next time being barefoot beneath the waves? Let me know in the comments. I know I would love to get *Underwater* for my Scavenger Hunt so the more help the better!

While “How do you lose yourself?” may not be the most Mmm Mondays worthy post, I wanted to answer the Jetpack Daily Prompt, and given that SWL had well and truly lost herself trying to capture my flipper clad feet on our shore dive I thought perhaps the Foot Fetishists in my readership may enjoy the header.

Come and see all of my past posts shared for Mmm Mondays Meme in my archives by following this link.

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