The Nature Of Explorations Is Changing

Over the weeks that followed Easter Bunnies I took some time out of social engagements, instead focusing on the three important men in my life- my children and Sir. Without the pressure of going out to events the nature of my explorations was about to change.

Initially these explorations were out in nature, with the children. It is always lovely to spend time with them out and about. Nurturing their love of the great outdoors is an important part of my job as mum and we spent spring evenings up on the moor, splashing in rivers and building castles in the sand. But wholesome parenting only makes up part of the complete picture of me. It is a large chunk, but not the whole.

And with the headspace I’d gained it was time to start colouring other sections too.

My curiosity around my bisexual nature was growing. Working hard to get my attention! I’d enjoyed my time in the hands of the sadistic MsD, but I’m a masochist so perhaps that goes without saying? But what surprised me was the amount of pleasure I’d got from tying up B and forcing multiple orgasms out of her. Seeing that written on the screen I’m now laughing. You see, I love tying myself up and forcing myself to orgasm repeatedly. I guess it stands to reason that I’d enjoy sharing that with others too?

As ever, Sir seemed to read my mind.

Though I wanted nothing more than to ask permission to venture out I didn’t. I hadn’t yet built the confidence to believe I’d find any woman daft enough to be my toy for the night! But when he sets me tasks something shifts in my mind, I KNOW I can achieve what he is asking because he never asks anything of me that he doesn’t believe I can complete. Don’t get me wrong, his requests are never easy, but they are within my reach- just.

So back to my cravings, and how he encouraged explorations through tasks.

Among other things he asked me to be responsible for four women’s orgasms over the course of the coming fortnight. On top of this I was not allowed to climax. At the time this was frustrating, I knew that the release would help calm my nerves, relax me into the challenges ahead. Hindsight, however, tells me that he knew exactly what he was doing. By taking MY pleasure out of the equation I would have a slightly lower hurdle to leap over. I could focus on giving, something that excited me, rather than receiving which is a whole different kettle of fish.

Uncompromising in his expectations but (as ever) kind and gentle in his care of me.

His knowledge of his submissive as well as his experience in this alternate world meant he was able to guide me in exactly the right way. Slowly building my confidence and nurturing my sense of self-worth.

With the clock ticking I got to work. My first call was Pink, who I’d first met a few months earlier. We’d both been busy but were well overdue some play time. With my task in mind she was only too happy to help, if a little disappointed not to be able to reciprocate. Though we both knew there would be plenty of opportunity in the future.

It was shortly before this task that I’d encountered the phrase ‘pillow princess’.

The definition for this is as follows:

A pillow princess is a slang phrase that describes someone, mostly an LGBTQ woman, who prefers to receive sexual stimulation more than they do to give it.

Dictionary.com

It didn’t seem like a very polite term, but suddenly things started to make sense. I had been getting along well with a couple of ladies, and though their profiles declared them ‘fully bi’ they had been reluctant to meet for play in the past. Now, all of a sudden, two were keen to meet. Slutty barefoot was more than happy to capitalise on this, and ticked had completed three quarters of this task. In many ways relationships are inherently transactional. In this case they were getting to enjoy pleasure with no need to give anything back, but I was gaining experience, confidence and new ways of finding pleasure.

I was suddenly grateful to Sir for making the condition there would be no pleasure for me. 3.5 years later I’m only realising now that passive players like this may well have been his reason. He had seen the struggles I’d been having gaining physical experience with women. The constant rejections and let downs had been eating away at my still fragile confidence. Actually, it doesn’t do to second guess his motives. But it feels nice to imagine this was his thought process.

A slight change to the nature of my explorations could help, surely?

As the fortnight passed I was still one liaison down. I have a fab friend who you’ve to meet yet. He really likes to help his friends out, no expectations of play, that’s just his nature! Anyway, he had a friend who’d told him she was bi-curious. Also telling him she wanted to be played with by a woman, but didn’t think she would want to do anything in return. She’d never tried it before and was scared. “I might have just the lady for you,” he’d told her before pinging me a message.

Chatting to her she was undeniably nervous.

And when we met so was I. The responsibility of being someone’s first weighs heavy, perhaps heavier still for being so new to this all. They say you’ll never forget your first, but I don’t ever want to forget those for whom I’ve been their first. We did have a lot of fun, and she had a lot of orgasms.

Reporting back to Sir he was pleased to see me stepping into my confidence. Taking up the space he knew I deserved. My cravings were sated, for now. But what would he have in store for me next?

Changing Nature Of Explorations is the latest addition to the story underpinning the blog. The next part can be found here: Creating The Best Day.