Question mark fro TMI Tuesday: relationships

Is it TMI again?


It has been so long since I’ve taken part in TMI Tuesday and I’ve just missed it this week, due to slowness with dixing technical issues rather than just not writing!

Mind you, better late than never…

1. How replaceable are you?

I’m not sure that I’m replaceable in a like-for-like sense. Particularly as a mum, friend and daughter. In the kink world I have been told that I have certain qualities that, while not necessarily unique, are rare or harder to find. BUT if I were to vanish tomorrow I don’t think it would be the loss of my kinks that mattered to people, those are easy enough latex toe socks to fill!

2. Does jealously have value in driving humans to improve themselves or is it a purely negative emotion?

I feel that jealousy is a reaction to other unhealthy emotions rather than the negative emotion itself.

It isn’t something that sits well with me. On very rare occasions I may start comparing myself to others, and I can start to feel those unhealthy pangs of jealousy. But once I sit back and take stock of what I am comparing I usually see that my life is actually pretty good.

In relationships it can become a default for some people. I’ve been on the receiving end of some pretty awful jealousy. In my ex husbands case this jealousy was part of his controlling behaviour. An unhealthy action rather than the healthy D/s control that I consent to. And I have also felt jealousy in intimate relationships, caused by secrets and shiftiness, and an inability on both our sides to express what we were feeling. Since that time with M I have learnt so much and grown in ways that allow me to communicate, trust and free myself from those particular bonds of fear and self loathing.
Like I say, I feel that jealousy is a symptom of bigger issues such as comparison and insecurity. For me open and honest communication (or introspection) can generally alleviate those feelings. It is only since I have found the confidence in my own being and let go of those unhealthy traits have I been able to make my way forward and become a better version of myself.

3. A section of your life’s memories needs to be erased, which era will you elect to have erased?
a. childhood memories – age 3 to 12
b. teen and young adult years – age 13 to 23
c. adult – age 24 to 35


All of these are times I want to keep! I was going to choose my childhood years, because I don’t remember much of those anyway, much to my mums chagrin. However, what I do recall is my dad, healthy and happy. The adult years are blighted with abuse, and it would make sense to remove those but…. they also have the arrival of my boys! And the beginning of my recovery. But that only leaves the teen and young adult years. I watched my dad fight his way through cancer, which was horrid. And then I spent a few years partying and making amazing memories while at the same time inadvertently erasing them through the drink and drugs that I put into myself at times. And then I felt so much shame I settled for less than I deserved.

Hmmmmmm….. tricky!

I guess is have to say my teens and young adult years. If I lost the few happy memories of my childhood or the early years of my boys is be devastated. But as I would rather not remember my dad being so unwell and then showed complete disregard for the memories I was making between the ages of 15 and 20 it seems that I should allow these ones to be erased.

But I’m not happy about it!

4. With no laws or rules to influence your behavior, how do you think you would behave?

Perhaps I’ve been conditioned by the system? Or maybe I’m a decent person with a strong moral compass? I live my life by a set of personal beliefs and values which I am proud to uphold. They do generally tally up with the legal framework and social etiquette, I think, and it makes me happy to pass these on to my children. I’m not sure my behaviour would change much at all.

5. Does anonymity encourage people to misbehave or does it reveal how people would choose to act all the time if they could?

Like with all things there are positive and negative sides to anonymity.

The negatives are more frequently spoken about, with cyber crime and internet bullies being rife. It is my understanding that cyber security is a sector that is growing rapidly with no signs of slowing down. Just looking at my blog stats I can see the number of malicious attacks in the last 1, 7 and 30 days. I have no idea who is trying to skim data from my site, and I guess that is the point.

I do think it gives people more freedom, if they aren’t having to keep an eye on who is watching them. For some people this would be bad behaviour, as mentioned above. For others it allows them to spread kindness without being acknowledged for it among other things.

My anonymity as a submissive, kinkster and sex blogger does not change my behaviour at all. As discussed for question 4 I live my life within a set of rules that I value, and being anonymous won’t change that. It just provides me with a layer of separation between my vanilla and kinky worlds.

Bonus: In the time of coronavirus pandemic, what are you rocking–homemade face covering or manufactured mask?

I’m rocking Social Distancing! No face masks I’m afraid, just space from others.

TMI Tuesday blog

Is it TMI again?was first published on A Leap of Faith.


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