This time last year I was very unwell. The darkness was almost overwhelming.
I was struggling with my depression and every day I was worried that I would lose the fight. While I picked my way through the dark times that had led me to that point (with professional support) I had the boys as a shining light to guide me back through the darkness. Mindfulness was something that wouldn’t work for me, but the Moors were a place that I could go and feel Small.
And if I was small in this vast landscape then my problems were not that big either.
If the problems weren’t big then I could get past them.
November came, with my birthday, and I reached the lowest point ever. The boys weren’t enough… I just wanted to sleep, to give up. My GP told me to go to the moor, just for a short walk, knowing it would do me good as it was one of my coping strategies. I vaguely remember arriving at Buckland beacon and sitting down on top for a rest and to take it all in, maybe do a little self tie, which often proved helpful.
It was too much.
I don’t remember how I got home, or into bed, but had I not had some rope belonging to a friend in my bag I wouldn’t have made it down safely. How could I ruin her relationship with rope? I shall be forever grateful to her for being relaxed about me returning those hanks of blood red jute-y goodness late.
As you will probably have gathered from my tor bagging adventures I spend a lot of time on the moors, but I had been actively avoiding this spot. That isn’t a hard task when you think how much space there is to roam free. On monday I was brave and ran up there, bagging another tor, well, more specifically a point of interest, for the collection.
The association is gone.
What a difference 8 months makes.
It doesn’t quite fit with where I have got to in my story, but I wanted to share this now as I was so proud of my achievement, but also I want to inspire hope. Darkness is so very difficult, but it can be overcome.
From the story of how the barefoot sub became the woman she is today, to toy reviews, with a hefty dose of contemplation, a sprinkling of erotica and a LOT of nudity in between, you can be sure to find something to tickle your fancy at A Leap Of Faith.