Imagine A Safe Warm Space.

Couple showing a safe space mentality as they're hugging while sitting on the beach
Image: Pexels.com, Kampus Productions

While No Mercy Manor added to my social circle, things began to progress with M. I hadn’t imagined finding my safe space with him, imagine my surprise when I received a message from him one day while at work.

He’d been listening to The Cure in his workshop when Love Cats came on. Immediately he thought of me. We had been seeing each other on occasion for quite some time. He was a firm friend and I was taken aback by his open expression of interest. We had been talking on the phone most days and he was so supportive while I was going through counselling. With the message landing in my phone our relationship developed into something else. Something much more. Immediately I was on YouTube, I thought I knew the song but wasn’t sure. Listening to the lyrics I was blown away, especially when he told me the following lines were what made him think of me:

So wonderfully, wonderfully, wonderfully
Wonderfully pretty!
Oh you know that I’d do anything for you

That was quite hard to hear at the time. It made me smile and cry, all at the same time.

I had grown so much over the two years since meeting sir. But the damaged woman who had been abused by her husband for twelve years was never far below the surface. We arranged that I would visit him the following weekend, but it was too far away. The next evening he drove up to see me and found me while I sat on the beach after my late summer swim.

I can still clearly remember the feel of his warm body wrapping around me while I watched the large moon rising over the cliffs. The fire in the sky raged behind me as I was enveloped in my safe space. Looking around into his face the world felt like a nice place again. We sat on the pebbles until the sunset had completely faded from the sky, and the sea breeze was chilling the warmth that was coming from that embrace. Picking up some food on the way home and then curling up in bed together we stayed awake into the early hours.

Talking, laughing and making love. Generally getting lost in each other.

It felt comfortable and loving, nothing I’d really been used to before. With P I’d felt uncomfortable and unloved. While Sir had always been my safe space, a person with whom I felt accepted and secure, we were never snuggly… And certainly not comfortable, but my comfort was never the point. Things escalated with M fairly quickly from there. He asked if I would like to be in a monogamous relationship with him, and I felt that was the right thing to do. My desire for kink was in a lull at that point, sad as I was about Sir leaving. Though I had become part of the fetish community I was a bit lost there too. I still saw myself as an owned submissive without her dominant, and playing with others as a submissive held little appeal.

M and I had enjoyed a number of kinky interactions over our casual relationship. I knew that he would be able to scratch that itch when the time came for pain. He wasn’t a dominant in any way though. The whole idea of being in a relationship where power exchange played any part made him feel deeply uncomfortable. This never posed a problem for me, or us.

I’d no need to submit to anyone else. As I’d said to sir when he departed – I was his

I didn’t know where this new adventure with M would take me, but I was ready to embrace life again. Him getting to know my boys properly after having spoken with them occasionally on the phone, and me spending time with his family was wonderful. It felt very much like a natural progression to our relationship and also a vital step in my recovery.  My little family of three (with occasional plus one) seemed to be working very nicely. As time passed, when M was around I had a fully fledged grown up standing with me when I needed support. The decisions I had made for the children had previously had to endure P taking the opposite route to me. The stress levels in my home decreased dramatically. Particularly when, following a challenging bedtime, there was space for a strong pair of arms to hold me safe.

To protect me from those demons that threatened to overwhelm me and my parenting.

Through my personal development with sir I had learnt that I had worth, but I feared that I was unloveable. I had not been able to see it. And here was my friend, my play mate, showing me that I was very much deserving the affection I had not known was out there. I still didn’t particularly need or understand these feelings, and the fear surrounding this particular form of vulnerability would appear eventually. For now though it was a warm safe space for this particular love cat to continue growing into the woman that she had never realised she would be.


This is the latest chapter in the story behind the blog. If you’ve not read any before you can dip in and out of the posts or start at the beginning. The next post will be coming soon. Please do subscribe (in the sidebar) if you want to stay up-to-date.

14 comments

    1. M is still someone who makes me happy and an important part of my life, but this was 20 months ago and relationships change.
      I’m still catching up to where I am today, and I haven’t done kissing frogs yet ? xx

  1. Sometimes people come into our lives at just the right time to be the people we really need and it is very special when that happens regardless of whether they stay for ever or not

    Mollyx

  2. I echo Molly’s comment. People definitely show up at the right moment to teach us the things we need to learn about ourselves. Thank you for sharing this

  3. Well, now I’m going to have “Shelter from the Storm” stuck in my head all night… which is great, as it’s one of my favorite Dylan songs. 🙂

  4. Beautiful and therapeutic, I am sure you gave him as much as he gave you. I look forward to reading more about how you grew and healed.

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