Most of all, differences of opinion are opportunities for learning.

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M and I were getting along really well, but there was something that made him deeply uncomfortable.

He loved the fact that I enjoyed kinky sex, but my submissive nature made him a little bit cross. Power exchange was never something that I required of him, we were equals on all fronts, but on occasion I would do something that would anger him and it wasn’t until I pinned him down and demanded he talk to me about the problem that we could start to work on a solution. There was one time when he had a tight back, and as I was sat on floor by his feet I automatically went to put on his socks. I did not see that as a submissive thing, more just helping someone I cared about with something they found tricky. He snatched the socks from my hand and marched off to his bedroom to put his own socks and shoes on. Throughout my marriage behaviour like this (anger!!) would have made me quake in my boots, but I was different now, more confident, and this was M. I had no reason to fear him, though he did confuse me sometimes.

I gave him some time to calm down, and asked him why he had reacted the way he did.

It then all came tumbling out. How during our blossoming friendship he had initially enjoyed the fact that I was owned, but now that we were together he didn’t want or need that responsibility. Being my dominant was not what he had signed up for and it made him feel very uncomfortable to think I wanted him to behave that way. I had to stifle a giggle at that point, he could never have known that I did not expect or desire that from him either. So I explained to him that none of the things that I did would ever mean I wanted him to be my Sir, my owner, my dominant. He was my lover, my friend, my equal. And while I felt that a D/s relationship could include all of those 3 parts, my relationship with him did not include the power exchange and sadomasochism which I would associate with a D/s relationship.

  • This man I loved was gentle, scatty and a little bit flakey!
  • The Dominant that I loved was demanding, organised and driven.

I adored all of those things about both of them, but they were two entirely different men. And with sir away for the foreseeable future (I had no idea if I would ever see him again) I had no desire at that time to look for a similar relationship elsewhere.

This conversation marked a turning point in our relationship.

He became noticeably more relaxed, and didn’t fly off the handle when some part of my submission emerged. He tried his best to take it in the spirit I intended it, and kindly told me if something made him uncomfortable, and I tried to make sure I didn’t behave in a way that put him on edge. Not through fear of the consequences if I upset him, as I had been with P, but more out of a mutual respect for our different life experiences and expectations. By having the confidence to challenge the negative feelings brought about by our different opinions we learnt more about each other and grew as a couple.

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TMI Tuesday: 29th May 2018

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1. If your lover was turned on by forced feminization would you participate (giving or receiving)? 

No, it’s something that would be a big turn off for me and if he was solely monogamous and needed the forced feminization it would be a deal breaker for me. However, I would happily support him in finding a lover that he could fulfill that fantasy with.

2. When you have sexual dreams or fantasies that are aggressive or cruel, does it worry you? 

No, not at all. I have been on the receiving end of cruel and aggressive behaviours, and if I fantasized about reliving them I would be concerned, but the fantasies I have which are along a similar line are most definitely not the same… If anything they are darker! But the mind is a funny thing. And as long as I am not harming anyone, including myself, then there is no problem.

3. Tell us your hottest, sexiest fantasy, right now, in 100 words or less. 
This is the fantasy about your desires that you probably never share, maybe they even go against your morals or are societal taboos.

Being bound, naked, to the ceiling above a party, with a bell in hand and a straw in my mouth. Over the evening I am made to drink a lot, and when I need to pee I ring the bell. People can move out of the way or be put underneath me by their owners. I would be being whipped sporadically by Sir, across my breasts.

4. Which super hero would you like to have sex with? Why?
a. Aquaman
b. Superman
c. Wonder Woman
d. She-Ra

I’m not knowledgeable on superheroes, but I had at least heard of three of them. So a google search later introduced me to Aquaman. The pictures which are up for the upcoming film show a man with a naked torso standing in the water. Research done! I choose Aquaman, after getting rid of the beard…. Still none the wiser about him, but it’s ok to be fickle sometimes.

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5. Do you think the lure to live out sexual fantasies or have sex frequently is amplified by technology? Briefly explain. The desire to meet new people for sex and live out my fantasies has not been amplified by technology. The ease with which I can arrange meets has changed since I have come to understand how different sites works though; as a woman on any of the sites associated with quick and easy hook ups you get bombarded with offers. I also think that these sites are a lure for men who just want to sit behind their screens and wank but have no intention of meeting. It seems to be a common frustration among friends.

Bonus: Describe your fantasy life in three (3) words.

Honest.

Fulfilling.

Secure.

TMI Tuesday blog

 

Time to… #SOSS

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This week has been a bit hectic, but I have found the time to relax with some of these great writings. I really love the diversity of kinky bloggers and their posts.

When this popped into my reader from The Social Butterfly I knew it would have to go in this weeks finds. Among all of the kinky posts written by the sex blogging community it is nice to be reminded that we are all just people, trying to do our best in an unforgiving world.

A second reminder that kink and vanilla worlds collide comes from Ninjte and Bear. I really enjoy Ninjte’s writings because she has such a strong head on her shoulders and lays the battle out for all to see. This post is worth a read for any strong-willed submissive who struggles with letting go of certain duties in their life, a great lesson for many of us I think.

Spanksalot posted an interesting article on the strap vs the cane. I love both, with a preference to straps so found it fascinating to read a disciplinarians view on both implements. Plus…the photographs… Pretty!!

And In10se has some amazing writing. A couple caught my eye this week, but A sticky situation really hit the spot for me.

I love photographs of unsuspecting models and this image posted by Nookyeverafter for #sinfulsunday ticks a lot of boxes for me.

Then it hits you so much harder than you thought it would.

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M and I soon settled into a routine of spending the weekends together and an occasional weeknight.

With my children home much of the time and living an hours drive apart our time in each others company was somewhat limited. M had met the boys before, and they thought he was wonderful. On the weekends they were home he would come up on the saturday night and spend the sunday with us, the boys really enjoyed his company too and he was very fond of them and their characters. He didn’t have his own children, and he never tried to behave like a dad to them, but he was a positive male role model for them at a time when that was lacking from their dad, P. I also really appreciated his support when times were challenging with the boys. Someone who knew them but wasn’t directly involved, and wouldn’t tell me that I was doing it all wrong or laugh at me when I found it hard.

And things were very hard at times.

My eldest was waiting for an appointment with the autism diagnosis team. He has always been a wonderful little boy but I had known something was a little bit different from a very early age. Some of his behaviours were particularly difficult to manage, and without a diagnosis support is incredibly hard to come by. Add to that P had convinced my family that I was imagining things and there was no reason for anybody to pay attention to what I was saying. So having those strong arms to wrap me up when the job of being mum was almost overwhelming was just what I needed.

As lovers first, friends second and significant others third there was a strong bond in place already. 

As two quiet souls we enjoyed companionable silence, we also enjoyed heated debate and decent conversations. Cooking meals for each other became almost a competition, we quickly discovered that our book shelves contained some of the same recipe books so would try to better the last offering. Aside form prawns and olives we had very similar taste so it was always going to be a treat whoever cooked. As a single mum with two fussy children I had rarely had the time or inclination to cook a decadent meal for myself, and as a bachelor M had little motivation either. How things changed, along with our waistlines… It was a comfortable situation to be in, but our trousers did not offer the same comfort.

Kink wise I stepped away from the community I had started to engage with.

Not because he asked me to, on the contrary he was very supportive of me getting to munches and events. The problem came with my mindset. I did not get a large amount of child-free time, and it was certainly never something I could plan aside from the occasional weekend. I was also not used to being in a close relationship where I had freedom, where it was taken as given that I had strength and confidence. Yes, I had been owned by sir for almost 2 years, but our dynamic was not one of comfortable silences and gentle walks in the countryside; he had trained me to please him, and empowered me to start becoming a Strong Confident Woman. My brain did not compute and everything was very intense. I can see now the difference between love and attachment but at that point M and I were drowning in each other.

When the opportunities arose to spend time with M, my safe space, I jumped at them.

I was coming to the end of my counselling when we got together, but I had no idea how fragile I still was, how little of my marriage I had worked through, and how angry I was with the world around me. How angry I was with myself… All of these feelings were too raw, too big and too scary to deal with, and my friend and lover M gave me hope that the world wasn’t totally dark. At this point I believed that sir had convinced myself that sir had just wanted to get rid of me because I was a rubbish sub, I knew (without a doubt) that the problems within my marriage were my fault, and that when my children acted up it was a direct reflection of my parenting.

What a weight to be placed on one man’s shoulders?!

Particularly when he had never asked for that responsibility. He had suggested we become monogamous, he loved me as fiercely as I loved him, but it must have been hard going for him. I struggled to believe that he meant what he said, that he was actually enjoying our time together. To the world I was doing well, embracing life and moving forward, but wrapped up in the deep dark embrace of depression my world began to shrink again.

M was my bright star of hope in an otherwise dark sky. 

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TMI Tuesday: 22nd May 2018

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

1. If you had a whole week (no work, no kids) to do things with your significant other, what would you do? Whatever he decides is best.

2. What is your idea of a long-term relationship? Long-term doesn’t necessarily equate to time, I have known my friend R for 3 years now, and our irregular liaisons are still just about scratching an itch. Long-term is about a connection which is more than just satisfying the physical needs as they come up, about challenging one another to grow and learn. Sir has been in my head since 2014 and he patiently encourages me to grow though our physical time together has been limited, particularly with an 18 month hiatus. If I had tried to answer this question while I was married I dare say my answer would have been very different!

3. What is a healthy relationship? A healthy relationship for me is based on mutual respect, trust and acceptance. Love can take many forms, but is underpinned by those three things. The Power and control wheel was brought up for discussion in a group I recently attended. It shows so many things that were present in my marriage, which was very much not a healthy relationship. As someone who is deeply aroused by power exchange, male privilege and impact play (even before my vanilla marriage) I have a full understanding of the difference between abusive and healthy (respectful and consensual) relationships.

4. How did you meet your current (or last) lover? I’m busy this week with a task from Sir so the last lover that I saw is someone I met through fabswingers a couple of months back. Also, this is how I met Sir.

5. What is the first thing you do after having sex? That depends very much on who I’ve been having sex with… But on the whole I would probably have a drink first, or offer a drink to the person I have been enjoying! It is thirsty work after all.

Bonus: Do you have any bad habits that you hide from your significant other? You can tell us…or not. I think I must have bad habits, but don’t feel the need to hide them.

Click the link below and see how other people have responded

TMI Tuesday blog

 

Scratching an itch for #SinfulSunday

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I have an interesting relationship with pain and have found myself craving it recently.

Waiting patiently (ish) for Sir’s return.

Today my need got the better of me and searching through my box of treats I pulled out some pegs and have temporarily satisfied that hunger. 

Click the lips to see what everyone else is up to.

Sinful Sunday

 

My first time #SOSS

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I’ve been part of this wonderful world of blogging since january and often enjoyed other people’s posts around this theme, following trails of crumbs to some amazing writings and images. Then I checked back at the page and discovered why there are so many wonderful posts Sharing Our Shit on Saturdays. So I thought I would join in with some of my favourite posts from this week:

  • I spotted elust 106 on a number of blogs and am still reading through the amazing posts showcased on there. It is a monthly offering of the smartest and hottest sex bloggers, and the team works hard to bring us all the best possible compilation.
  • Reading through the masturbation monday submissions I particularly enjoyed this one from Rebels notes. Definitely my kind of dinnertime…
  • Teachers Have Sex posted this one for Wicked Wednesday, and it is by far my favourite for this week.
  • I found this post from Furcissy particularly interesting to read. It raises questions for me about sexual equality for the body positivity movement.
  • I have been brave and started to share pictures as part of #Sinfulsunday and I absolutely love this cheeky image  from Modesty Ablaze.

I hope you find something you enjoy in here, and I’m looking forward to what next week has in store.

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Try imagining a space where it’s always safe and warm.

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I received a message from M one day while I was at work.

He was listening to The Cure in his workshop and while Love Cats was playing he immediately thought of me. We had been seeing each other on occasion for quite some time, he was a firm friend and I was taken aback by his open expression of interest. We had been talking on the phone most days and he was so supportive while I was going through counselling. With the message landing in my phone our relationship developed into something else, something much more. Immediately I was on YouTube, I thought I knew the son but wasn’t sure. Listening to the lyrics I was blown away, especially when he told me the following lines were what made him think of me:

So wonderfully, wonderfully, wonderfully
Wonderfully pretty!
Oh you know that I’d do anything for you

That was quite a hard thing to hear at the time. It made me smile and cry, all at the same time.

I had grown so much over the two years since meeting sir, but the damaged woman who had been abused by her husband for twelve years was never far below the surface. We arranged that I would visit him the following weekend, but it was too far away. The next evening he drove up to see me and found me while I sat on the beach after my late summer swim. I can still clearly remember the feel of his warm body wrapping around me while I watched the large moon rising over the cliffs and the fire in the sky raged behind me. Looking around into his face the world felt like a nice place again. We sat on the pebbles until the sunset had completely faded from the sky, and the sea breeze was chilling the warmth that was coming from that embrace. Picking up some food on the way home and then curling up in bed together we stayed awake into the early hours.

Talking, laughing and making love, generally getting lost in each other.

It felt comfortable and loving, not anything I had really been used to before. With P I had been made to feel uncomfortable and unloved, and with Sir I had always felt accepted, safe and secure but never snuggly… and certainly not comfortable, but my comfort was never the point. Things escalated with M fairly quickly from there. He asked if I would like to be in a monogamous relationship with him, and I that felt like the right thing to do. My desire for kink was in a lull at that point, I was still sad about Sir leaving, and though I had been involving myself with the fetish community I saw myself as an owned submissive without her dominant, and playing with others held little appeal.

M and I had enjoyed a number of kinky interactions over our casual relationship, so I knew that he would be able to scratch that itch when the time came.

He wasn’t a dominant in any way though, and the whole idea of being in a relationship where power exchange played any part made him feel deeply uncomfortable. This never posed a problem for me, or us. I didn’t need to submit to anyone else; as I had said to sir when he went away I was his, I didn’t know where this new adventure with M would take me, but I was ready to embrace life again. Him getting to know my boys properly after having spoken with them occasionally on the phone, and me spending time with his family was wonderful. It felt very much like a natural progression to our relationship and also a vital step in my recovery.  My little family of three (with occasional plus one) seemed to be working very nicely, and as time passed, when M was around I had a fully fledged grown up standing with me when I needed support. The decisions I had made for the children had previously had to endure P taking the opposite route to me. The stress levels in my home decreased dramatically, particularly when, following a challenging bedtime, there was a strong pair of arms to wrap me up.

To protect me from those demons of self-doubt that threatened to overwhelm me and my parenting.

Through my personal development with sir I had learnt that I had worth, but I feared that I was unloveable. I had not been able to see it. And here was my friend, my play mate, showing me that I was very much deserving the affection I had not known was out there. I still didn’t particularly need or understand these feelings, and the fear surrounding this particular form of vulnerability would appear eventually. For now though it was a warm safe space for this particular love cat to continue growing into the woman that she had never realised she would be.

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 Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

TMI Tuesday: 15th May 2018

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1. Who was your favorite cartoon character as a child? I always loved Dogtanian. It was one of the only cartoons I remember watching, I was usually out in the mud or chasing my brother round on my bike. He was always the quiet one, and the one who fixed things when the others were less than capable.

2. What makes you cry? I didn’t think a lot made me cry, aside from when I am very tired. But it seems that people (Sir in particular) can make me cry by showing me they have faith in me and my ability. I spend so much time working on myself and my growth that I sometimes forget A- How far I have come, and B- that other people can see it. It’s nice, and they are always happy tears.
3. What similarity between you and your significant other do you love? Oooof, I have made sure that people who are significant in my life are kind and thoughtful. I try to live my life that way and value that in others.
4. What characteristic do you admire in others that you feel you are lacking? I admire quick thinking. I am a thinker but it takes me a while to formulate my thoughts, and my comebacks are usually a bit slow. Also, it takes me a while to get a joke, unless it matches with my dry sense of humour.
5. If you could eliminate one thing from your daily schedule, what would it be? If I didn’t need to sleep I would be so much more productive!

Bonus: You can trade places with one person for a day, who would it be? I recently completed a wonderful course with my oldest son. It was all about recovering from domestic abuse, and opening up the lines of communication around healthy and safe relationships. It was such a challenging thing to do for so many reasons, but there have been so many positive outcomes for both of us. I met other mums and their children who have had similar experiences to me. One of the mums was only 6 months out of her relationship, and her three children all struggled in different ways with significant additional needs as a result of the trauma they have suffered. She was in such a state, understandably so. I would love to swap with her for a day; I think she could really use the day off!

TMI Tuesday blog

 

The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.

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The day had arrived. I was prepared, physically and mentally.

Work was done, the boys were with their dad and I was heading west for “The biggest & best Kink night in the South West !!” I was beyond nervous, but knew that if I didn’t keep pushing myself forward I would start to pull back into my shell again, like a Tortoise. I had no desire for that to happen. When I arrived in the town I ended up driving round in circles in the one way system. It took me three attempts to find the correct road and car park, but perhaps unsurprisingly I hadn’t noticed the club. fetching my rucksack from the back seat I noticed a familiar person. LTM was walking out of the car park so I hurried to catch up. He walked me round and introduced me to the friends he was meeting at the door. Joining the queue I was directly behind someone I had been chatting to about rope, with the potential for him to tie me up. He was shy so I would have to ask.

As I moved toward the door the nerves and sick feelings gave way to calm resignation.

I had arrived, the queue behind me blocked any chance of escape and beyond the door lay a new world. As the door swung open I was greeted by three familiar smiling faces plus the venue owners. I was given a locker key and directions to the changing space but I couldn’t make my way through the crush of people so I stopped to chat with MT first. As he had been there early he had managed to hire a private room, and offered me to use it to change and store my bits. Accepting his offer I got changed in privacy and comfort, gathered my thoughts, took a deep breath and stepped  out to join the tour for newcomers to the venue.

There were four floors of kink to explore, with a hot tub, sauna, steam room and showers, as well as a social space, a dark dank dungeon space, and a larger play space at the top…

The large play space had a demonstration stage and a Fucking Machine.

MsD had told me she was taking it, and I would be welcome to try…if I wanted to. Less of a request, more of a cheeky challenge.

But would I?

Could I?!

What do you think? By the time the demos had started the main space had filled up. One woman tried it briefly, then another for longer. I was watching the action from the side, wanting to go up but not wanting to… When the second lady climbed down from the stage I looked up and MsD was asking who was next. Catching her eye I was still humming and ahhing when she crooked her finger at me and smiled with eyes that said “You know you want to.” Fuelled by nothing more than Diet Coke my inhibitions melted away. I wanted to do this, and I was damn sure that I would. So with an audience I stepped up onto the stage and stripped from the waist down, got into position and settled down for another completely new experience. I giggled an awful lot, and mostly rested my face in the cushion on the stage, but being watched over by so many people was quite a thrill. With SL by my side, matching my giggles with respectful humour as his Mistress attempted to get his new friend to give in and climb off, I discovered new reserves of confidence.

I didn’t orgasm on the machine but it did wet my appetite.

I knew full well that this wasn’t going to be the last time I used one, though I had no idea when or where the next time would be. MT introduced me to his group of friends, and a little later on he had asked if I would like him to cane my feet. He wanted to show her what he could do, and he also wanted to make sure I had a good time. Of course, I agreed! And he did a very good job caning my feet solo. He also used his tawse on my soles and on the palms of my hands, which felt delicious. Tr and CC were also on hand to make my evening a great one. CC giving me advice on foot protection when the heels had to come off (pop socks) and Tr making calming conversation when I was feeling a little overwhelmed by the noise, heat and throngs of people.

That night some of my friendships within the community became established.

As the night went on I chattered to so many new people, respectfully asking about things that were going on that I had never seen before, such as needle play. Seeing the variety of outfits and implements opened my eyes to so many more possibilities. Much of what I saw that night I had seen in porn, some had been used on me in person, but to see all of these other people like me enjoying their kinks publicly was amazing. And all of the beautifully different shapes and sizes of my fellow revellers triggered a change in me. I had learnt that Sir enjoyed my body, and he had helped me to be confident in my own skin with him and myself. Now though I could see the wonderful diversity, not all the traditional beauties you would see on kink.com but so much more. Men, women and everyone in between. Outfits ranging from latex to lingerie to leather, all-black to brightly coloured.

There was space for everyone, and that included me.

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TMI Tuesday: 8th May 2018

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I have decided to take part in TMI Tuesday for the first time this week. I always enjoy other people’s answers so felt it was time to join in myself.

1. What makes you, you? I am authentically me, I am brave to the point of being foolish, and I am fiercely loyal to those who deserve it. I am curious, independent and bloody minded. I am kind, thoughtful and complex. I am a confident introvert who finds people endlessly fascinating. Still waters run deep, and the calm exterior that people see hides a deep-seated vulnerability.

2. Do you care more about doing the right thing or doing things right? Oh, this is a tough one… if something is worth doing it is worth doing right, but if I am not doing the right thing in the first place then no amount of doing it right is going to make it better. So, doing the right thing in the first place is what I care most about.
3. What is sexual freedom? Do you have it? Sexual freedom is having the mental freedom to fulfill your sexual needs without worrying what other people think. Discretion where it is needed, and making sure that no-one comes to any harm are important in my sexual freedom, but yes… I believe I do have sexual freedom.
4. In your romantic relationships, is trust more important than love? I think love and trust go hand in hand when it comes to any relationship on the spectrum, from friendship through romance to D/s. I can trust people I don’t love (professional relationships for example) but I can’t love without trust.
5. Your life, is it more of a dream or a nightmare? My life is definitely a dream. Not always the best dream, but with all of the good things to think about I couldn’t ever call it a nightmare. It has never been more than I could manage, I’ve never woken up screaming!

Bonus:  What is the last romantic thing you did for someone?

Oh NO! I am not a traditionally romantic person at all… I imagine that it was my most recent self-assigned stretching task for Sir: stuffing myself with as many wooden spoons as I could find (and a rolling pin) and sending him a picture. Who says romance is dead??

 

If you fancy joining in here is the link to TMI Tuesday.

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There is no one giant step that does it, it’s a lot of little steps.

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Following Kink and Cake my Fetlife profile suddenly became more interesting.

Before I had even arrived home I had received half a dozen friends requests, and as I accepted them my feed gradually took on a different feel. No longer was it littered with pictures and writings by unknown kinksters, there were now updates from people I had met, experiences that I could relate to. Over the following days I uploaded a couple of pictures of my bruised feet and had likes and comments from people I knew. My confidence was still fragile and I hadn’t quite come round to the fact that people may actually like me; this was providing more evidence to the contrary.

I had a little over two weeks to wait until the fetish night and I was starting to worry.

I had the usual butterflies chasing each other around in my belly at the thought of going somewhere new. But more than that, I also had no idea what I should be wearing, how I should behave and how I would feel faced with 70+ kinksters in a setting I had never experienced before. When I started my journey as a submissive I assumed that these kinds of events would be experienced under the supervision of Sir and his ideals would be spelled out for me. As this was not to be I had to keep pushing myself, driving forward to this monumental task of my own setting!

True to form my curiosity got the better of me.

Rather than sitting and wallowing in my doubts and fears I took to the internet. Reading the event’s page on Fetlife gave me a clue on the “rules” and reassured me that I would be safe. It also gave me an insight into WHO would be attending. I had never noticed this before, but on events there are lists of people going, maybe going and friends going. I probably hadn’t noticed this because until this point I hadn’t had any fet-friends. Now though there were 7 people going that I had already met, plus the two hosts.

So I sent a few private messages.

The first person I messaged was Tr who had decided that he would be going along with CC. They had been to events together before, and as this was the relaunch party they were happy to travel a bit further than they usually would, and spend the night in a hotel so they didn’t need to travel back the same night. I asked what they would be wearing, and was told that they would be wearing latex. We arranged to catch up in the club and I looked forward to seeing them in their outfits, but I knew that wasn’t something I would be wearing… yet.

So no outfit tips for me there but at least I would know two people. 

Next up I messaged MT, the submissive man who had flexed his switchy muscles on my feet the previous week at Kink and Cake. He really put my mind at rest in a lot of ways. His Domme was going with her husband so he would essentially be going on his own and he said that he would meet me inside the door when I arrived, he always arrived to things early so expected to be one of the first in. When I asked him what he would be wearing I was a lot less intimidated by his answer; he would be wearing smart black trousers, a smart black shirt and smart black shoes. I knew that I didn’t want to wear all black, but I knew now that I didn’t have to go all in with expensive outfits. I had no idea if I would want to attend more events in future and was reluctant to spend out a lot of money on something I would wear once.

With MT’s outfit in mind I started looking for inspiration online.

I found a number of ideas and sent the links to MT. With his help I narrowed it down to one outfit that I would be comfortable with. I wanted to check with someone on the other end of the outfit spectrum and sent the links to Tr who thought it looked a good choice. I ordered myself the corset style top and had decided I would wear black leggings and my killer heels with it.

Outfit sorted with a week to spare, next I needed to work on what I would need to take.

This was easier as I didn’t have a lot of kit. I did have a pair of carpet beaters and a little leather slapper. My children had a lot of hot wheels track so I borrowed a length of that as it was something we had been discussing at Kink and Cake as a potentially stingy pain. With my kit planned and my outfit on its way all that was left was to wait. Fortunately work and the children took up so much of my time I barely had time to worry, and when I started to fret I did something I have never associated with stress relief.

I painted my nails, toes and fingers, to match the colour of the top I would be wearing.

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Life shrinks or expands, in proportion to one’s courage

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Up until this point my experiences had all been private.

My online presence could only be described as “lurking.” Now though I had decided to get out and about to events when I was available. My visit to the couple had been planned as a step towards this goal, and now that I knew the couple hosting a club night I felt I really wanted to attend. It was still a huge step so I found a sunday afternoon event which looked friendly. Kink and Cake was held at Studio Onyx and looked lively. Having a look at the profiles of the others listed as going I decided that I would send some messages in advance. The lady from the couple, MsD, was going to be there, and I spotted another profile where the owner had just posted a writing about his first experiences of events, making friends and finding his fit. He put some things that helped him in meeting new people, including this:

Here’s another tip… Well….I think it rings true at least… Be interesting, learn an oddball skill, find something you like and get better at it, I make whips, they aren’t too bad and I’m getting better at it and with them, but they make a great conversation starter as does so many other things!

I may not be able to make whips but I sure as hell can bake so I left a little comment thanking him for the writing and that I was going to take my own conversation starter in the form of cake. He replied later with encouragement to attend, recommending that I just be myself and people will respect that.

The next day I had a private message from him.

He had noticed that my first event would be Kink and Cake, that he would be going and that he was looking forward to meeting me. It was a friendly crowd, and they had welcomed him with open arms. All I had to do now was ask myself those two questions:

  1. Is it safe?
  2. Do I want to?

The answer to both was YES so now all I had to do was be brave. That sunday came round quickly, and I made a raspberry cake where the topping was made of icing sugar and raspberries blitzed together. With the ripeness of the fruit the icing was almost fluorescent pink.

If I had wanted to spark up conversation this was certainly one way to do it!

I walked in to the venue and popped my cake down on the table, suddenly there was a group of people cooing at the cake and chattering with me. The hosts made me welcome and introduced me to some people, MsD came downstairs from the playspace and introduced me to her slave SL (he quickly snaffled the first of his three slices of cake) and then the whip-maker Trautaruan (Tr) arrived with his play partner CC. There were so many people there, and everyone made me feel welcome. I chatted half of the afternoon away and ended up deep in conversation with a male sub (MT) and a foot fetishist (LTM) about bastinado. MT quite fancied learning a little more in his switch side and LTM had the skills, equipment and enthusiasm.

I had the feet so off we went upstairs, a merry trio.

LTM had a little rubber paddle and a pin wheel, and after I reclined fully clothed on a bench with my feet in some stirrups he took my right foot, showing MT how and where to hit me. They swapped back and forth with the paddle and as MT struck my left foot LTM would run the pinwheel over my right sole, stretching my toes back. They were working on my feet for what felt like half an hour and the pleasure was quite something, my body was responding in the usual way with pleasure tingles spreading like fireworks up my legs… Only this time the effort on my soles was relentless, the sensations were overwhelming and the tingles joined at my apex causing a totally unexpected orgasm.

An orgasm with no genital stimulation… I thought that was the stuff of legend….

The orgasm was a surprise and the fact that I had been fully clothed and not in a sexual situation threw me completely, would I be able to accept that I had reached orgasm through pain? I didn’t know, but at that point I decided not to think about it as it was too much of a challenge. I went back to socializing and chatting, the orgasm was a sign that I was very comfortable in the company of these new people. I had always believed I was socially inept, and during my marriage had been so isolated that I hadn’t been able to challenge myself to become confident in myself. Sir had worked hard to show me that I had every right to be confident and now, in his absence, I was able to reap the rewards of his labour. I even made plans to meet up with a couple of them at the Fetish club a couple of weeks later, and many of the people I met that day have become firm friends.

I drove home and went to the beach, where I admired my puffy soles and soaked up the early evening sunshine.

I had done it!

I had gone to my first munch, I had pushed myself hard and come out stronger. 

Life shrinks or expands, in proportion to one’s courage was first published on A Leap of Faith.

 

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