I think part of me will always be waiting for you


I knew that Sir had been invited to a meeting nearby, and that he had arranged his trip around when K and I were available.

He had mentioned that he felt his contract was coming to an end and that things were set to change again, mentioning that he may have more time to focus on different things. I guessed that he was making peace with his career coming to an end as he had hinted over the recent months that he was close to retirement from his chosen career.

The day after K and I had met with him he sent me an email in the early afternoon.

Confirming that he had thought the meeting would be to formally wrap up his current contract. He had ended up meeting with a new potential employer, discussing a full-time permanent overseas contract which he felt he would be offered over the following days. If that happened he would take it, he wasn’t in a position to turn down work; I completely understood his reasons for this.

But what would it mean for us? 

He would be out of the country for long periods of time and contact would be very difficult to maintain, so he gave me the options.

I will let you decide how you wish to continue. If you want me to contact you, as and when, I will do so. In the meantime, your rules etc. would be removed and you will be free to act and do what you wish.

Or If you wish to just get on with your own thing, I will not contact you. Either way you will have no restrictions on you.

It was a simple decision for me. I was his, I think I always had been. If that changed while he was away I would tell him when he got back.

News on the contract didn’t reach him for a couple of days, but he informed me as soon as he knew on the friday. They had offered him the contract and he was to leave the country the following monday. With packing  and work permits to organise there wouldn’t be time to see each other before he left, so I sent him some pictures to enjoy while he was travelling… I didn’t want him to get bored.

I was surprised that I wasn’t devastated at the news of him leaving. 

Don’t misunderstand me, I was very sad that he wouldn’t be guiding me or using me…  But I was genuinely excited for him. I had seen the challenges he faced while looking for work, and knowing that he loved what he did and could continue for an unknown amount of time made me really happy. It is now almost 2 years later, and I still feel the tears prickling at what I would be missing, but the over-riding emotion was always happiness for him. I understand now what those feelings mean, though putting the right words to it is still challenging.

Unlike when he had his accident I knew the score this time.

I would enjoy my time without him, organise my life and make plans. Continue to grow and challenge myself to explore safely. He gave me some guidance to keep me safe, and I have been following them ever since. All common sense, but some things I would never have considered… Seeing how I was when left to my own devices before I was very grateful for this support and preparation. I asked him what would happen if something were to go seriously wrong for him, like when he was in his crash. I didn’t want to be always wondering if the worst had happened. So he promised that he would “get someone to drop you an email.”

Then he was gone. 

And my journey was set to change direction again…


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