The next few months showed no sign of letting up in worries for either Sir or myself.
I had a rumbling back injury and was unable to run. The lack of intense exercise and layers of trouble with P led to a dip in my mental health. Fortunately I was in touch with support from the health visitor and I was quickly referred for counselling, along with a medication change through my doctor. Sir had been made redundant and was now looking for work, and travelling far and wide in his search. When sir was in the area I was physically unable to make myself available, in spite of my best efforts. We kept in regular contact though, and he would pop up in my emails with surprising regularity. He had told me that he would always be aloof, but he was there for me in subtle ways when I needed him, though I never asked.
I really enjoy watching porn.
Why? If I needed reasons they would be: Inspiration, education and titillation. Also communication… I would occasionally send sir a video that caused particular excitement. These were often met with interest as I had offered him an insight into my turn-ons and curiosities, which seemed to be increasing by the day!
I hate shopping!
When I say that I mean I loathe buying clothes, and shoes. Food shopping I enjoy, because I love food. And then there are the countless places to buy sex toys online. With all of the porn I was watching and my limitless imagination I was naturally drawn to that kind of online experience. And as I saw items that got my heart racing, or made me chuckle I would drop sir a quick email and he would respond in kind.
I adored the random check-ins.
The emails that would pop into my inbox at odd times, asking how I was doing and what I had been up to, telling me a little about what he was up to, and teasing my mind with partial nuggets of information. It was during this time that he told me his line of work. I had a string of clues, and came to the conclusion that he definitely did not work in finance! When the message came through saying no more clues I had a long laugh at how my mind had danced around his career but missed it completely. Reading back through the emails while writing these posts I can see the answer clearly many months before this disclosure on his part.
The long distance Dominance was most wonderful though…
My ongoing task of meeting a woman was hard… and his support was gentle on that front; people had been so rude that it seemed like I would never get anywhere and I valued his patience. There were other things to do for him too, which kept me occupied and connected to him over extended periods. But it was the evening emails which asked me to remind him what I look like which made me smile the most. Or the close of an exchange where he would ask to see me before I went to bed. Then he would close the conversation with a single word… Sleep
And with that I would melt…