Does It Scare You? Go On… Give It A Go

Does self fisting scare you? Header shows a fist illuminated in red on a blue background.
Photo by VAZHNIK:

Would my adventures with kinky crafting scare you? If so, what happened next might terrify you. The saying “Be careful what you wish for” comes to mind as I continue on with my memories.

Actually the exact phrase that comes to mind is Be careful what videos you save to an xHamster account that you share with your Dominant. But that doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. I have mentioned before that MrN wanted me to set up a shareable page on the popular porn site xHamster and that I had one already set up with videos of things I was curious about. When we had our next scheduled evening there was part of me which wished I had cleared out the account before sharing the log-in details, started with a clean slate with him. While I was trying to maintain concentration on the conversation, with a medium butt plug in place, he brought up one of the videos I had saved a while back…

Specifically one including a lady who was fisting herself. And she looked like she was really rather enjoying it.

I’m won’t lie to you, I did scare myself when I added it. He asked what had inspired my choosing that one, so I came clean. When I had started on my journey with Sir he had asked about fisting. I’d said I would try but was scared as I didn’t think it would be possible. I may be a mum of two, but they were both born by caesarean! So I’d taken to the internet for research and inspiration, following a trail of filth through stretching and fisting, anal fisting and rosebuds, finally ending up on self-fisting.

The video I had saved (and watched over and over to make sure it was real, obviously) was of a young lady getting into an uncomfortable looking position, and actually managing to insert her whole hand into vagina. (Self-fisting porn, so proceed with caution. This isn’t the video – but isn’t far off.) The faces she pulled while the video went on were not particularly alluring, but the fact that she could do it made me excited that one day I may be able to do that too. And if I could do it to myself…? Well, someone would be able to do it to me.

Why don’t you get started then? he asked me.

He made a very good case. I could take the time that I needed to gain flexibility and also to stretch myself. He didn’t mind if it took a while, but he would like to see that I was trying. The facts were that I had saved it myself and wanted to do it even though I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to. These made a good enough reason for him to ask. Not including his desire to watch me in my very own video for him… complete with those faces, which were unattractive to me but had the opposite effect on him.

That was all the incentive I needed.

At the time I had very little excess tummy and a decent level of flexibility and strength. I worked out that if I wore my killer heels and perched on my bed the angles all made sense. I could reach where I needed to! It helps that I am partially double-jointed, the only use I have found for this oddity of my body. (Aside from being able to win hands-on-the-floor competitions at the pub.) Confident that I could reach I started working on stretching myself so that my hand would fit. The reading I had done focussed on fisting someone else. Did you know there is a Facebook group for fisting, complete with safety guidance and technique discussions??!! Because of the angles I wouldn’t be able to fully twist my wrist at the halfway point…

I’d just have to work it out for myself. Google just wasn’t ready for my curiosity!!

It took me a couple of weeks, with regular stretching and attempts, to get to the point where I thought it may be possible. I had been keeping MrN in the loop as per my progress, and he was encouraging in the face of my scepticism. I still didn’t believe that this would work. So I set up the camera, got my heels on and perched on the edge of my bed. Using my wand to loosen me up I used insertables, stretched myself open. Once I had an orgasm there seemed little else to do but go for it. I lubed my hand up and started.

Feeling the post-orgasm ripples around my curled hand was arousing in itself.

Getting to the knuckles I started to pull my fingers into a ball and managed a slight twist in my wrist. It had the desired effect of drawing the rest of my hand in, like a corkscrew. I was so surprised that I had managed it. And I was so full. I could feel my arousal all over my hand now, as I clamped down on myself. It’s an indescribable sensation, and had I been more comfortable I would have stayed there longer. But cramp soon creased up my side and my hand needed withdrawing.

Taking a deep breath and feeling my overstretched muscles return to size I was left with a sense of calm. The kind of peace that I associate with deep sexual satisfaction. When you scare yourself with stretching your own boundaries. While the video was uploading for sending to MrN I enjoyed the company of my Doxy for a little longer. Floated off in my little bubble of joy.

A clear sign that although something does scare you, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.

The feeling of achieving a long-held sexual goal is powerfully erotic for me. Knowing that I had pleased someone else as well… I was one happy submissive.

This is the latest chapter in the story behind the blog. If you’ve not read any before you can dip in and out of the posts or start at the beginning. The next post will be coming soon. Please do subscribe (in the sidebar) if you want to stay up-to-date.


  1. It was interesting to read about your experience. I’ve self fisted for Sir a few times and always enjoyed it. I find there’s a huge hand size difference between men and women, and it makes me a little nervous to have him try fisting me!

  2. WOW! I am impressed with how you practiced and prepared for this…that shows a lot of dedication! I have never fisted myself or been fisted by my husband…I feel a bit too nervous to try it….

    1. Dedication or bloody-mindedness ?

      It is a very intense feeling of fullness, and doing it to myself removed a lot of the fears I had about being fisted by another.

  3. I could not believe it when my girlfriend asked me to do this! Did not do much for me but she was in seventh heaven! I just made me feel inadequate!!! But she was worth it!!

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