Personal growth is about unlearning old limits

Continuing on from If It doesn’t challenge you it doesn’t change you, there are more thoughts slotting into place. In todays post I’m thinking about how unlearning old limits gives so much space for growth…

A couple of weeks ago I was picking up my children from school and heard one dad say to his three-year old daughter “Don’t try to do that, you can’t do that yet so don’t even try.” She had asked for him to help her on the monkey bars after seeing her friend (my youngest) swinging around. His words really made me think, and feel proud of the way that I try to parent. Those words came back to me today, while reflecting on the next phase of Sir considering me.

I was the little girl wanting to swing on the monkey bars. Sir was encouraging me to try. Standing a couple of steps away, arms outstretched waiting to catch me.

Had he been telling me not to try, or worse, forcing me to swing on those bars when I didn’t want to, I dare say I would have shut down. The person I am now certainly would have! He wasn’t though. Every step of the way he was asking if I understood what was being asked of me, and if I agreed to it. I was free at any time to say no, to express my fears or to just embrace the task. Sometimes there were fears, and he would help me work through them. Had I not been having to face my fears the tasks would have been too easy and I would have likely shut down, as I would have done if he were forcing me into things. As luck would have it the following task was something that excited me and terrified me in equal measure. He was to be away for the weekend, and he had a very special request

Be your own Sir for the weekend. Entertain me. Stretch yourself

The first thing that went through my head was the fear of not being good enough. How was I meant to entertain him? How could I possibly know what would please him? What should I do???? So I started. I spent the weekend with my children and husband, sometimes breaking away to complete the tasks I set for myself. He had asked me to send pictures, videos and write ups as I did things, depending on what was appropriate. I can not recall all of the tasks but I know there was body writing, stretching and a little exhibitionism. The task that I am most proud of, and that sticks with me to this day is my first step into watersports. I had told him that this was a hard limit for me, absolutely no doubt about it. But being asked to entertain him… I suddenly thought of a rose-bush in my garden that was pretty much dead. I decided to go and pee on it, and video myself. Looking to the heavens with a grin, questioning what on earth I am doing, is something that I associate very much with Sir.

I am learning that this special grin signifies the biggest growth.

That rose-bush came back to life, it lives in a pot outside my back door and flowers twice a year. Something of a trophy, it never fails to raise a smile when I see it. He had said that he would be out of contact all weekend, and would look at my tasks the following Monday. Imagine my surprise when I received a couple of brief yet encouraging emails from him as the weekend progressed. I wasn’t sure if he was bored with my tasks and pushing for more, or if he was impressed and showing he was grateful. Either way, I was too busy being my own sir to give too much thought to the doubts in my head; it was just nice to have contact.

The following Monday he had decided that he would meet with me, see how I fitted in person. Due to availability I still had 9 days to wait, which meant more things to do for him, and another weekend to push myself and potentially withdraw. If I ever decided I was unhappy there was always the option of telling him no more… It never happened though. Yes he would push, yes some things were more challenging than others, but I never felt unsafe or unhappy. Just constantly growing, developing.

Three more tasks. One I had no desire to do but which would be fairly straight forward oral for the husband. One I could easily manage, it was just a matter of finding the time, stretching myself physically, depth and girth. And… One that excited me more than I dared to admit. Not just the task he had set, but the way he set it…

Give a man more than he bargains for. You set the level. Impress me.

My story continues on from Personal growth is about unlearning old limits in the post Opportunity Knocks, Temptation Knocks The Door Down.